Going Back For Parental Advice

Ina

Ina

Well-known Member
Location
Harris County, NE of Houston, Tx.
I know most of us have already lost our parents. Some of us grew up without parents. I think in a way all of us need parenting whatever our ages.
So if you could ask one or both of your parents a question today, what would that question be?:confused:
 

Davey!!! It wasn't up to them to approve; it was only up to them to accept your choice. Your question doesn't count so you have to think of another one:D

I don't know what I'd ask either of my parents, probably something to do with family, though.
 
i would have asked my mother to find out & write down the history on her mother's side. Nana's parents were Irish immigrants in the late 1850s & the Irish werent exactly popular then. they spelled their name 3 different ways, skittish about giving out birthdate, etc. she had some sisters, but even visiting 30 or 40 miles away very difficult. the legend was, they came from Cork, Nana born in US. Her baby brother was very successful in business, kind to Mom& Nana, but apparently took some pains to keep his roots quiet. it really kind of hurts not knowing about them & what their lives were like. But I understand they were just trying to protect themselves.
in contrast, my fathers people had great interest in their family hx, traced it way way back.
 
Geezerette said:
i would have asked my mother to find out & write down the history on her mother's side. Nana's parents were Irish immigrants in the late 1850s & the Irish werent exactly popular then. they spelled their name 3 different ways, skittish about giving out birthdate, etc. she had some sisters, but even visiting 30 or 40 miles away very difficult. the legend was, they came from Cork, Nana born in US. Her baby brother was very successful in business, kind to Mom& Nana, but apparently took some pains to keep his roots quiet. it really kind of hurts not knowing about them & what their lives were like. But I understand they were just trying to protect themselves.
in contrast, my fathers people had great interest in their family hx, traced it way way back.
Click to expand...


Interesting you should bring this up. I have often mentioned to my wife that I have always been somewhat puzzled as to why our two children have never asked about their heritage or what life was like for us when growing up, yet I was always interrogating my parents about the same issues. I learned a lot from my Mom and Dad about the 20's, 30's and 40's.
 
I would ask my Dad to tell me more about WW II. He was a military man and he probably could have taught a history class on WW II. For me, I have always been an American History buff.

My Mom always told me stories about how life was for her growing up from the time she was a little girl until after WW II. I think she was teaching me about life at the same time she was telling me stories because I did learn a lot from just listening to what she told me. I would like to ask her what attracted her to my Dad because that is one thing we never spoke about. (The Depression must have been Hell, but it also seemed to me to draw the country together and unify certain factions of people.)
 
Ina said:
I know most of us have already lost our parents. Some of us grew up without parents. I think in a way all of us need parenting whatever our ages.
So if you could ask one or both of your parents a question today, what would that question be?:confused:
Click to expand...

I don't need parenting now I am an adult, neither do my kids who are adults too. I have no questions I would want to ask my parents, even if they were still alive.
 
Geezerette said:
i would have asked my mother to find out & write down the history on her mother's side. Nana's parents were Irish immigrants in the late 1850s & the Irish werent exactly popular then. they spelled their name 3 different ways, skittish about giving out birthdate, etc. she had some sisters, but even visiting 30 or 40 miles away very difficult. the legend was, they came from Cork, Nana born in US. Her baby brother was very successful in business, kind to Mom& Nana, but apparently took some pains to keep his roots quiet. it really kind of hurts not knowing about them & what their lives were like. But I understand they were just trying to protect themselves.
in contrast, my fathers people had great interest in their family hx, traced it way way back.
Click to expand...

Same here. I wish I had documented our family history better when they were still living. My brother did a family tree thing many years ago, but I have a few more questions I wish I could ask. Don't have any questions as far as advice is concerned.
 
Ina said:
Davey, would you have really listens to them if they told you she wasn't the girl for you? :wave:
Click to expand...

Most if not all guys would never listen to Mom/Dad when it comes to "my gal,she's the one for me"

Then years later "What was I thinking? I should have listened to Mom".
 
Neither of my parents spoke much of their past, much less their parents, so I know very little of my family's history. My parents were very self absorbed people, so I don't know that they would even think that advising anyone. There was to much hatred in each of them. I have many questions that will never be answered, but I don't think I would ask either for advice.
:goodmorning::dontworry:
 
After thinking about it for a while, what I'd want to know has to do with family. My maternal grandfather was married to a woman named Gertrude and had three children before marrying my grandmother. There was never any mention of my mother's/aunts'/uncles' half siblings or their mother. I only learned of it from my older brother about 20 years ago when he was trying to trace the family tree. He did ask my surviving aunt about them, but she said she knew nothing and wasn't interested in knowing anything about them. My brother knew about it because it was told to him by my mother (who never mentioned it to me). According to my mother, my grandfather did not support his first wife and children. They all lived in the same small town until my grandparents moved in 1919 when they already had two of their five children to the town where I was born.

And my goodness! Talk about scandals...I also learned from my brother that my grandmother had already borne the eldest of her five children before she and my grandfather were married. According to my mother, my grandmother was sent off to live with her older sister until after the baby was born. When she returned, she and my grandfather were very quietly married and then maintained all their lives that they had been married a year longer than they had.

It baffles me that my grandfather would just abandon three children. It also baffles me that my grandmother, who was a very kind and generous person, would not have insisted that he help his children at least financially.

There's a story there that will never be known:(
 
Ina said:
Neither of my parents spoke much of their past, much less their parents, so I know very little of my family's history. My parents were very self absorbed people, so I don't know that they would even think that advising anyone. There was to much hatred in each of them. I have many questions that will never be answered, but I don't think I would ask either for advice.
:goodmorning::dontworry:
Click to expand...


INA>>>>>You don't have to answer the following question, but you have peaked my interest for some reason. Maybe it is because I studied Psychology in college, but anyway, what do you mean when you state, "My parents were very self absorbed people" and "There was to much hatred in each of them."

I am just curious without trying to be intrusive.
 
Oldman, I too studied psychology for a couple of years, but at fourty, although it might I helped more at twenty. Took me awhile, but I came to understand you can't give what you don't have.
My parents were both abandoned before they were two, and both we're ashamed of their heritage. My father was German, and my mother was Native American.
It was like their anger feed off of each other for about 15 years, until they divorce when I was 13.
My father wanted to be master of his and other's worlds. When I was five, he went from a two fisted drunk, to a self ordain Hard Shell Baptist minister, until he lost his faith when I was about 12.
My mother was a habitual lyer always trying to convince people she was a European Gypsy. She lied about things that didnt even matter, like been in WW11 when I now know she was born in 1929.
The last control my father had over me, was when he married me off at 13 to a man(?) that was 40 years my senior, and my mother got $500. to take a vacation on.
I guess we all need to understand the why's of what made us who we are. In the end, I let go of a lot of the anger they instilled in me. I took care of my bed ridden father for his last five years, and I also cared for my mother her last ten years.
Many people ask me why I would do that, but I can't answer that yet. :wave:
 
I think that I would also ask to know more about the family history. My mom used to tell me stories of being a little girl in Texas, and riding to school on a buckboard, with the longhorn cattle chasing them and trying to turn over the buckboard. My grandfather was English, but adopted by a German family named Fuchs (Fox), and married my grandmother, who came over from Germany. My Grandfather's mother died when he was young, and there were several children, so they were all adopted out to different families. I don't know if the father ever remarried, or much about what happened to my grandfather's siblings.

I know my dad's family lived in Idaho, but I really don't know much about his life growing up, either. Now, I wish that I had asked a lot more questions of both of them.
We have old family pictures, and there is nothing on there that tells us who a lot of them were. It might be labeled something like "Daisy and the twins", but if you have no idea who Daisy is, and don't remember hearing about anyone with twins, the label doesn't really help much.

My oldest son asked me to write down what I know about our family history, so I started a little blog, and have been writing down the stories as I remember things. Hopefully, this way, the Grandchildren will at least know a little more about their heritage.
My blog is www.happyflowerlady.blogspot.com if anyone would like to read the stories I have put in so far.
 
All my life my mom was only too willing to 'give advice' and when it's delivered with an air of 'you should listen to me because I know all', it's a little hard to take whatever my age. As for learning from my mom, I learned lots. I learned how not to parent, I learned how to not ignore my children's feelings, I learned how not to cause a growing distrust from my children......and the result is that I have a great relationship with my kids and my mom and I are still wary of each other.

I used to know a woman (my kids were still little then so loooong time ago) and she had a wonderful relationship with her daughter. I was quite envious at the time, but now I have my own wonderful relationship with my girls. I guess sometimes it can skip a generation.
 
Ina said:
Oldman, I too studied psychology for a couple of years, but at fourty, although it might I helped more at twenty. Took me awhile, but I came to understand you can't give what you don't have. ...........I took care of my bed ridden father for his last five years, and I also cared for my mother her last ten years.
Many people ask me why I would do that, but I can't answer that yet. :wave:
Click to expand...


I think you could do that because you have a big and forgiving heart and you came to a point where you understood (at some level, perhaps deep down in your soul) that we are all 'victims' of our experiences, even those who don't behave in the most admirable way. And because no man is an island, one person's 'victimizing' experiences usually means that others become collateral damage. You were big enough to overcome the collateral damage effect in your life.

My dad walked out on us when I was about 8 and I grew up with a fair bit of animosity towards him. I saw him only once later when I was about 19 and then he died when I was in my 30's. I finally began to realize that he was just one of those people who should never have been a parent, but growing up in a time when you 'married the girl', he'd found himself between the proverbial rock and a hard place. I got over hating him then, and when I die, he's one of the people that I hope to meet and talk with. Not to clear the air, but simply to say, I understand.
 
As far as "parental advice" goes, doubt very highly if I'd ask either my real parents or my step-parent/Guardians for any advice today. I remember asking my step-dad about taking Drafting Class in high school and, since he was really into math, he suggested that I do. Hated the class and pretty much failed the entire year (D average). Last time I asked my step-dad about a class to take!

I'm much better off just asking my wife stuff.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top