Going out with friends..without Husband/wife

Tish said:
I don't know anyone like that.
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My husband would never try to insert himself into a get together with my girlfriends, and they have never ever dragged along their husbands. Ladies sometimes want to have a relaxed and personal chat with friends, no place for a man to try and stick his nose in the conversation or dominate it. I think that woman's husband would be that kind, if not, he wouldn't even think of going along.
 

hollydolly said:
I used to know a woman like that.. but I think there was several reasons behind it.. One she was incapable of holiding a conversation by herself always deferring to the husband for his opinions.. secondly she didn't drive, so he took her everywhere, and thirdly, she never had money of her own so he picked up the cheque
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Driving would be the only thing acceptable to me. If the woman was uncomfortable driving, then she could be picked up by her friend or take a taxi. I don't understand how a married woman can have no money of her own, that's insane.
 
I've known of more than a few couples like this. One in particular, back when her huzz was still alive I invited her to particpate in a "girls only" get-together. She said "No thanks. I don't participate in that kind of stuff. I notice a lot of women in this mobile home park do but I don't; I stay home and play the good wife." (Which in her case meant waiting on her huzz hand and foot. Although she worked outside the home just as many hours as he did.) So she'd never do anything socially without him.

And knowing this guy, I don't think it was a jealousy thing at all; I don't think it ever entered his mind that she might prefer another man over him; I think it was a "she needs to be here constantly in case I need her for something" thing. (Once this guy retired, he didn't do a thing except play golf.) And he passed away a few years ago and you guessed it: she was very lonely because she had let her friendships lapse. She's in assisted living now and luckily has a roommate just as old-fashioned as she is so I hear they spend a lot of time talking about the good old days when they were still married and had a huzz to worship.
 

Marie5656 said:
Had this happen not long ago. I was having a DM conversation with a couple childhood friends from the old neighborhood. I am, of course widowed, another never married, third married. We decided we wanted to get together for lunch and catch up.
The married one asked if we could do it on a weekend....no issues there. But he reasoning was she and husband NEVER did anything separate from each other...never. So, she was going to bring him. Though the plan was a just the girls meal.
Nope...this one would not even consider going without hubby...though he would be the only man. She gave no reasn ecept they always did all social activities together.

The plans fell through..and the other single lady just decided to go together.

Anyone else know people like this??
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I know a husband and wife team like this. I don’t know if he doesn’t trust her or vice versa. But whatever, those two are always together. You see one, the other is close by. I always wanted to ask what was up with that, but never did. One time he made a big deal about it at a Christmas party one of our mutual friends was hosting. He told a group of us that him and his wife have never spent a night apart. Another fellow asked “How do you stand it?” Well, that started a whole new conversation.
 
To each his own.... I can't imagine being joined at the hip 24/7/365. Others can't imagine the alternative.

My late husband loved fishing with his fishing group; I'd rather be poked in the eye with a sharp stick. I enjoyed making the rounds of antique shops and lunch in a tearoom; he'd rather borrow the sharp stick and poke himself. Why should we make the other one miserable?

The Spousal Equivalent loves riding with his motorcycle club; for me, it would be time to get that sharp stick out again. I like international travel; his idea of international travel is going to Canada for a day (he got enough of international "travel" in the Navy and then working for the DOD).

We're both capable of functioning on our own; our relationship can survive being apart for a few hours, a few days or even a few weeks if needs be. At times, I've had to go away for weeks to care for a relative.....we survived.

It's also a matter of trust. We trust each other. That's important.
 
charry said:
i never gone anywhere without my husband in 36 years, and ive never wanted to,
all our interests and hobbies are the same and we even worked together .....
why get marries ,when you prefer other peoples company.... thats why i divorced my first hubby , he preffered his mates...
well i told him to have his mates........

and now ive been with hubby 10yrs 24/7 without carers or support....since his stroke
i love his company .....hes supportive, funny, and just great.....hes my councillor also....

its never unhealthy terry
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Same here. My late husband and I enjoyed each others' company, and we worked together on projects; we were rarely separated (except when he worked). We went everywhere (mostly) together. It was a lot of fun, and we could talk about it afterward. We traveled together and went to the theater, parties, and lectures. There was always something stimulating to share.

I didn't have my own friends then because we had many friends "of the family" and he and my son were my world. Later, when I began going to orchestra rehearsals and taking art classes, he didn't come along, and I think he felt left out. He had retired recently. After he passed, which was a heartbreaking time in my life, I eventually started going out with female friends, but it wasn't the same. There's something about an intimate relationship that can never be substituted by others, in my humble opinion. Everyone is different, though.
 
DH & I have a very close marriage and friendship and he often tags along when I grocery shop, but when I lunch with my GFs, he's not included nor would he want/expect to be.

When I zoom with a group of far flung friends he sometimes walks by and stops to chat with us for a few minutes, then goes on about his business. He's always welcomed by them because he's funny, charming, keeps up on who's doing what, and interacts with them on FB (which I do not). Even so, he's clear that these are GF chats so he bows out quickly.

If one of my GFs insisted on dragging her husband along to a ladies' lunch, it would probably wind up rescheduled without her and she'd be unlikely to receive another invitation.

Loving one's spouse doesn't mean it's healthy for either partner to fill the role of be-all and end-all. Just my opinion.
 
hollydolly said:
I used to know a woman like that.. but I think there was several reasons behind it.. One she was incapable of holiding a conversation by herself always deferring to the husband for his opinions.. secondly she didn't drive, so he took her everywhere, and thirdly, she never had money of her own so he picked up the cheque
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....because fifthly, he was technically her prison guard, not her husband.
 
Maybe that lady doesn't trust leaving her husband alone.

When me and my 1st wife were first married, she wanted to go everywhere with me. Every freaking morning she'd whine, "Do you HAVE to go to school?" (I was in college) Then we had a baby, and I quit college and got a full-time job, and she'd whine "Do you HAVE to go to work?" Then the whining became b*tching followed by arguing, and I became "the most boring man in the world" and she became "Shelly, that's moronic" so I helped her get into college and I switched to the night-shift and became Mr. Mom, the daytime version ....et cetera, rinse and repeat for about 7 years until we both became Divorcees.
 
It could be partly that some women are used to having "girls' nights" or "ladies' lunches," while others are not.

Sure, it's nice to have girl talk once in a while, but I would never assume that a social get-together would necessarily exclude men, or children, or whoever.

Unless we were specifically meeting to discuss a very private topic.
 
SeaBreeze said:
My husband would never try to insert himself into a get together with my girlfriends, and they have never ever dragged along their husbands. Ladies sometimes want to have a relaxed and personal chat with friends, no place for a man to try and stick his nose in the conversation or dominate it. I think that woman's husband would be that kind, if not, he wouldn't even think of going along.
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I agree with you 100%
What I find funny is at a get-together you end up with the men in one place and the ladies in their little group.
 
palides2021 said:
Same here. My late husband and I enjoyed each others' company, and we worked together on projects; we were rarely separated (except when he worked). We went everywhere (mostly) together. It was a lot of fun, and we could talk about it afterward. We traveled together and went to the theater, parties, and lectures. There was always something stimulating to share. I didn't have my own friends then because we had many friends "of the family" and he and my son were my world. Later, when I began going to orchestra rehearsals and taking art classes, he didn't come along, and I think he felt left out. He had retired recently. After he passed, which was a heartbreaking time in my life, I eventually started going out with female friends, but it wasn't the same. There's something about an intimate relationship that can never be substituted by others, in my humble opinion. Everyone is different, though.
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i think if you are lucky enough to find your soul mate in life ❤️❤️ That is so special
Not many have this opportunity or luck
Xx
 
It's wonderful to share things with one's husband. My husband and I have many mutual interests and I can't think of any time I was not happy in his company.
However, there are times when we go our separate ways for a few hours, not as respite, but because the other one has a project on that the other may not be interested in. I don't think a husband or wife should be padlocked to each other.
It's healthy to be apart sometimes.
 
My spouse would be bored silly, and get irritated thinking of all the things he could be doing on his own, had he stayed home!

He's an only child, so he is completely self-sufficient. If I didn't drag him out to socialize, he'd become a hermit, ordering food delivered by DoorDash and GrubHub, and be perfectly happy, LOL. He likes most people, and he loves going to my family's get-togethers (since there's always good food in large quantities!).

Plus we're best friends, so we prefer spending time with one another....

....just not ALL the time, every day. :LOL: :LOL::LOL:

My niece is happily married to a guy who is in many ways her opposite. But he adores her, his family practically worships her; they've been together almost two decades now. She has a large social circle, and is often getting together with various friends. Sometimes he comes along, but most of the time he prefers to stay at home (he's a geek, and a gaming devotee). If she insisted he come to every event she attends or sets up, they wouldn't have lasted a month together, I think!
 
I call living like that having a very small world. When that one or few people in your world die or leave you people are incredibly lonely. It’s far healthier to have your world include close friends and/or family. Plus if you are never apart you have nothing new to bring to the relationship to talk about.

One of my 3 graduate degrees was a MSW which is a therapist degree. I have worked as one and it’s unhealthy to spend all your time with one person.
 
Teacher Terry said:
I call living like that having a very small world. When that one or few people in your world die or leave you people are incredibly lonely. It’s far healthier to have your world include close friends and/or family. Plus if you are never apart you have nothing new to bring to the relationship to talk about.

One of my 3 graduate degrees was a MSW which is a therapist degree. I have worked as one and it’s unhealthy to spend all your time with one person.
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I’ve been my husbands shadow for 10yrs now 24/7 and we don’t stop talking and laughing terry and sometimes crying together 🥲🥲
 

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