Great One Liners

[fuzzybuddy]

There have been lots of wonderful, funny "one liners". They are quips that bring a smile. I'm sure you might have a favorite one that you'd like to share. My favorite is one that I found on a Mens Room wall in Monteal:
"My ex-wife's Visa card number is 4121 9532 6671 8392."
I crack up every time I think of it.
Do you have a one liner?

 

[Capt Lightning]

Sign in a shop window in Havant, Hampshire - "Bargain Basement upstairs".
Graffiti in a gents toilet - "Humpty Dumpty was pushed".

 

[hollydolly]

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

 

[treeguy64]

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy!

 

[hollydolly]

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

 

[Pappy]

Police stations toilet was stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

 

[JimW]

"Do you walk to work or take a lunch"?

This old timer I used to work with at my first job when I was 14 used to say this all the time and it always got a smile out of someone. For some reason it's stuck with me.

 

[Manatee]

"Beware of pickpockets and loose women".

 

[treeguy64]

"Do you walk to work or take a lunch"?

This old timer I used to work with at my first job when I was 14 used to say this all the time and it always got a smile out of someone. For some reason it's stuck with me.

While I consider myself a bright guy, I absolutely don't understand why the above is funny. I don't even get what it means. I asked the gf, and she drew a blank, as well. I guess we're both temporarily in the ozone. So, please, op, explain the joke. I'll probably bop myself on the head once you explain it, as I'm sure I'm missing something obvious.

Later: Is it funny because it makes no sense, as the two questions have nothing to do with each other?

Even later: Do you brush your teeth, or do you like to ride your bicycle on Sundays?

 

[JimW]

While I consider myself a bright guy, I absolutely don't understand why the above is funny. I don't even get what it means. I asked the gf, and she drew a blank, as well. I guess we're both temporarily in the ozone. So, please, op, explain the joke. I'll probably bop myself on the head once you explain it, as I'm sure I'm missing something obvious.

Later: Is it funny because it makes no sense, as the two questions have nothing to do with each other?

That's pretty much it and people look at you with that confused look at first, then they usually laugh at how dumb it really is.

 

[Pappy]

First one in the bath tub is the ring leader.

 

[Laurie]

My late wife: "why you cheeky b***h. I'd slap your face but I'm allergic to leather"!

 

[Pappy]

I started on a shoestring and worked my way up.......until I got my face slapped.

 

[win231]

Your complaint is being sent through the proper channels. One flush should do it.

America - where they lock up juries & free defendants.

When you touch poison ivy, then touch a four-leaf clover, you get a rash of good luck.

The only difference between in-laws & outlaws is that outlaws are wanted.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

When two silkworms race, they end up in a tie.

A hole was found in a nudist camp wall. Police are looking into it.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.