Grief - It Just Never Gets Better

StillLearning said:
It’s been 4-1/2 months since hubby passed. I reached out to the hospice grief counselor telling her I need 6 months before I can start dealing with everything. She kinda chuckled and said it takes a minimum of 5 years if not longer for most people and to give myself grace.
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Does the hospice expect you to do anything for them?
 

StillLearning said:
No I don’t have to do anything for them.

For surviving spouse they give free 45 minutes counseling one time a month for 12 months. It sounds like people usually only use this service once or twice.
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I was 50 when my wife died and my youngest son was 11 years old. An online date told me about a group that meets once a week that includes widowed parents and their kids.
So I signed up.
The parents met in their own room and the kids were given activities to do in their own room.
Each week we would go around in our room and hear for 5 minutes what was on each parent's mind.
I liked it because you came to realize you weren't the only one going through an experience that could leave you feeling so alone. Also, people were at different stages of grief recovery and so you knew that one day it would be a lot easier.
I lost my mother when I was 11 years old. So I knew how my son felt. But what was really helpful to me personally was when a woman in the group explained how, at 11 yrs old, she felt when her mother died. It was like she was putting into words all the same thoughts and reactions I had then and it helped me release a long held bit of grief.

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The process of experiencing grief never does get better. But for me the process for each loss I have suffered in my life has ended/ stopped! I pick myself up and move on living my life as best I can. Those dear people who I have lost, my father, my mother, my sister...were all painful and I mourned them all. But in each case my life has moved on beyond that. I remember them all with love in my heart hoping they are in a better place. But I live my own life enjoying each and every day. When I die, I will have no regrets...
 
OldFeller said:
I lost my mother when I was 11 years old. So I knew how my son felt. But what was really helpful to me personally was when a woman in the group explained how, at 11 yrs old, she felt when her mother died. It was like she was putting into words all the same thoughts and reactions I had then and it helped me release a long held bit of grief.

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I'm editing this post right now. I accidentally hit the post button before writing anything.
Now I better understand your previous post I replied to yesterday with 2 links.
Yes, it does help knowing others are going through these dark times. I also attended a grief support group and found it reassuring to know that some of the guilt thoughts I was having were not unique to me.
 
This is kind of an add on to my previous post.

One thing I've never understood is when some people say they go through a time when they felt anger toward their spouse who died. I can honestly say I never experienced that. She couldn't help it because she died.
 
I liked this quote. I lost my DW of 30 years
Grief is like the wake behind a boat. It starts out as a huge wave that follows close behind you and is big enough to swamp and drown you if you suddenly stop moving forward. But if you do keep moving, the big wake will eventually dissipate. And after a long enough time, the waters of your life get calm again, and that is when the memories of those who have left begin to shine as bright and as enduring as the stars above.
 
For me, I find a good listener is very helpful in my grieving process. I often just wanted to tell someone the life stories of my passed love ones.
 
Liberty said:
Had a friend overseas that lost her husband to a stroke at 40 - she would call me for "grief therapy"... I told her that grief comes in waves and when it hits you...you just have to ride with it not "handle" it. Its like a house that became flooded, every day you take buckets of water out of your house and it seems you haven't made progress... then one day you take the last bucket full of water out and the good memories seem to be able to take over.

I do believe:
Life is real! Life is earnest! And the grave is not its goal" comes from the poem "A Psalm of Life" by Henry Wadsworth
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[in bold] Exactly.
 
My condolences go out M.. to you!

I know it's hard to lose the ones you love, to outlive most everyone you grew up with.
Knowing aging is depressing and the young tend to split away from the depressing situation.
But, draw strength, resolve, find comfort in being alive. Spread that happiness, even if it hurts a lil.
Give it some time and others can be accepted into your social days. So many elderly feel harmed now.

Today I put rear wheel bearings in the Lil Womans Car. The lord let me be able to do it. My thanks in prayer.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
This is kind of an add on to my previous post.

One thing I've never understood is when some people say they go through a time when they felt anger toward their spouse who died. I can honestly say I never experienced that. She couldn't help it because she died.
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There is a saying " When one has been shot in the head by grief , trauma , pain they do not think clearly ''
 
NotCompSavy said:
There is a saying " When one has been shot in the head by grief , trauma , pain they do not think clearly ''
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The ones who expressed anger toward their spouse were angry because the one who died left them alone to fend for themselves. It is an irrational thought, but it's more common than most people know. I did not experience those feelings.
 
One of my great beliefs is that I am gonna meet them all one day fairly soon and wot a great 'yak' session we're gonna have!
 

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