Handling loss during Christmas

Son Jester

Son Jester

New Member
Location
Indiana,
We just lost my wife’s father on Dec. 6 and are dealing with all the ups and down of this emotional time. He was our last living parent. We have no children so we have no family here to spend the day with. Any suggestions on how best to manage the upcoming Christmas Day? We are expecting this one to be tough but just trying to head off a potentially long, sad day as best we can. Blessings to all.
 

So Sorry for your loss, very recently too, but you know that's a good idea about the movies.. Find a good comedy and really try and laugh for a day or conversely, find a really sad movie and cry all your sorrows out... ..either way you'll feel better at the end of the day!!
 
Try to plan something to do, together, that you would both like to do. Perhaps something you don't usually do. An outing? It doesn't need to be anything big.
Or just decide to spend the time, with each other, in any way that is supportive. Make a list of things you value about each other?

Very sorry for the losses, and this recent one. Definitely does effect how we feel about holidays. Remember that others do go through this and understand.

Is there anything you could do with or for, someone in the community?
 
Sorry for your loss.

Suggestions for dealing with holiday: Take a cruise or fly to one of the islands if you live where it's cold, go skiing if it's warm at home, do a Disney, go to a city famous for Christmas activities like Williamsburg, VA, do Las Vegas if you've never been.

Staying at home: find a charity organization doing Christmas dinner and volunteer, buy a bunch of inexpensive toys, wrap and distribute them in children's ward of hospital, buy a bunch of inexpensive USEFUL items, wrap and distribute in a care facility for the elderly, weather permitting take your gardening tools and clean up a small, old cemetery that's been abandoned.

How do I know so many ways? I've used most of them to stave off sadness at a holiday due to loss of child.
 
Son Jester said:
We just lost my wife’s father on Dec. 6 and are dealing with all the ups and down of this emotional time. He was our last living parent. We have no children so we have no family here to spend the day with. Any suggestions on how best to manage the upcoming Christmas Day? We are expecting this one to be tough but just trying to head off a potentially long, sad day as best we can. Blessings to all.
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My sympathy for your loss, hugs for your wife. Both my husband and myself have lost our parents, and we also have no children. My husband's dad passed in our home after a major stroke on Christmas Day many years ago, but the day still brings sadness to both of us. Your wife's loss of her father is very fresh, she is still in deep mourning. I suggest you don't focus too much on the holiday itself, and as others have suggested, a nice dinner out somewhere would be good, maybe a place with dancing and a live band, something different to lift the mood a bit for the day. 💛
 
Son Jester said:
We just lost my wife’s father on Dec. 6 and are dealing with all the ups and down of this emotional time. He was our last living parent. We have no children so we have no family here to spend the day with. Any suggestions on how best to manage the upcoming Christmas Day? We are expecting this one to be tough but just trying to head off a potentially long, sad day as best we can. Blessings to all.
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I dealt with this Thanksgiving when my sister passed away tragically 4 days before Thanksgiving. I wanted to cancel Thanksgiving but it was planned to be at my home therefore, I made the best of it. I made up in my mind that I did not want it to be a sad occasion so I set the atmosphere to a positive one which was very hard. Everyone enjoyed themselves. Loosing a love one during the holiday season is double hard. Wishing you and your family can make it as enjoyable as possible.
 
My 94 yr old mother died last January 11th, seventeen days after Christmas. Her last 56 days of life were in hospice care at a skilled nursing home.
I'm the last of the family and I'll be alone in my house on Christmas.
I've got some plans to do some functional activities in the community but it'll be with strangers.
I'll maybe report on how it went, if that's OK.
 
Repondering said:
My 94 yr old mother died last January 11th, seventeen days after Christmas. Her last 56 days of life were in hospice care at a skilled nursing home.
I'm the last of the family and I'll be alone in my house on Christmas.
I've got some plans to do some functional activities in the community but it'll be with strangers.
I'll maybe report on how it went, if that's OK.
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It's good you have plans... please keep us posted.
 
Son Jester, as others have said above, go out and eat and/or something else low-key, maybe something you've never done before. Go for a long ride, if weather permits where you live. Go to a late night church service on Christmas eve, maybe.

For me, the loss of my mother was the worst loss of my life and I found that the more I got out of the house and back into life the better I did. I went back to work two days after her funeral because I really needed some life-affirming, ordinary, life-goes-on things in my life. Not that I didn't miss her terribly, and still do every day, but I had to, for the sake of my own mental health, get some life back into my life.

Maybe plan a trip -- something you can look forward to and get out of your normal surroundings.
 
I'm inclined to agree with Butterfly. I found that I needed to do ordinary everyday things - as you say "life goes on" things. Of course you miss people terribly, but you also have to look after yourself and family.
Go away for a few days, or a least take a good long walk somewhere inspiring.
 
The world won't end if you treat Christmas like any other day this year. That's how I got through the holidays after recent losses. It didn't impact my life in any way other than I had less stress.

When people ask if you had a nice Christmas, just say yes. If they ask what you did. Just say you relaxed at home. You aren't obligated to reveal anymore than that because chances are good you'll end up feeling worse if you do.
 
Condolences, Sorry for your loss.

Things will never be the same no platitude or saying will change that. But life goes on. Don't try to force an issue or do things out of obligation. Try something different or nothing at all during the holidays. I lost family near a holiday and it takes awhile the first year will tough but as time goes on it gets easier.
 
Repondering said:
My 94 yr old mother died last January 11th, seventeen days after Christmas. Her last 56 days of life were in hospice care at a skilled nursing home.
I'm the last of the family and I'll be alone in my house on Christmas.
I've got some plans to do some functional activities in the community but it'll be with strangers.
I'll maybe report on how it went, if that's OK.
Click to expand...
Please do report on how it went.
 
Son Jester said:
We just lost my wife’s father on Dec. 6 and are dealing with all the ups and down of this emotional time. He was our last living parent. We have no children so we have no family here to spend the day with. Any suggestions on how best to manage the upcoming Christmas Day? We are expecting this one to be tough but just trying to head off a potentially long, sad day as best we can. Blessings to all.
Click to expand...

Sorry for your loss. I had a similar situation back in 1980, when my mom died on December 7th of that year, after a long illness. It was hard on my dad, brothers and myself, of course. We did tone down our celebrating. Instead of exchanging gifts, we donated to charity that year in memory of my mom.
My cousins always hosted a Christmas day open house. My dad and I talked it over and decided to go, as we did want to spend time with family on our first holiday without mom. One of my brothers lived out of state, but my brother who lived locally came as well.

My cousins honored my mom by raising a toast to her before dinner. Everyone also shared memories of her. So, it was a sad day, but nice as well.

This year will be my first without my husband. I really have no where to go, so I am going to spend the day at home, as was our personal tradition. Watch some old movies, and make myself a nice dinner.
 
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