Happiness is not a relief

I've gone through illness (chronic heart condition) and bad times in my life. I looked forward to retirement and had separation anxiety for a couple of months afterward. I visited my co-workers every couple of weeks for awhile. But I was excited to be retired, it was a dream come true for me. I was still dealing with illness and also an aging mother I had to take care of and take to appointments and such. I wound up being busier in retirement than when I was working. But I found joy in family, in nature, in connecting with friends and in the freedom of not having to get up and go to work each day and just taking stock of my blessings. In addition, I got my first digital piano and began composing music. I was excited about what I could do with that thing and how my creativity was expressed. A few years later, I produced my debut CD. I agree that taking the focus off oneself and helping others is rewarding. Finding something you love to do is as well. Everybody has something they love doing. Go new places, see new things, even if it's only a day trip. Keep active in the best way you can.
 
I can't believe that I have found this as I to am STUCK.....in the same situation....I've done the new hobby thing,joining a club ect....you get the picture.....what is left in life I'am so bored an frustrated with life itself.....is this all there is to retirement???? I ahve traveled an many trips were exciting but even that does not interest me anymore....infact it's rather nerve racking....maybe we will find some answers here....
 
I can't believe that I have found this as I to am STUCK.....in the same situation....I've done the new hobby thing,joining a club ect....you get the picture.....what is left in life I'am so bored an frustrated with life itself.....is this all there is to retirement???? I ahve traveled an many trips were exciting but even that does not interest me anymore....infact it's rather nerve racking....maybe we will find some answers here....
 
I think retirement is another of those milestones that serve to remind us that our personal "sands of time" are dwindling in the hourglass. It's easy to feel melancholy about such things, whether consciously or subconsciously.

I took early retirement a couple of years ago and never looked back. My career was stressful and demanding and I was happy to leave it behind. I don't need a lot of interaction with people so I am very content to mostly piddle around my house, read, garden, etc. I sometimes get bored and the dreary winter days make me feel down, but I don't dwell on things. I go out with friends occasionally but for the most part I am satisfied keeping to myself.

My husband also took early retirement a couple of years ago and he is constantly on the go. He does volunteer work with Habitat for Humanity, helps our son with his business, takes care of his mother's property and finances, etc. He stays busy and that's the way he likes it.

Each of us has to find our own way in retirement just as in other stages of our life. I don't believe any of us has the answer for you; it's something you have to find for yourself.
 
Happy is what happens when you're not thinking about it. Thoughts can be dangerous for one's mental health.
 
What is happiness

What is happiness...is it a new hobby an new relationship...please I'am to old...a new boat...i live in Florida.....I'm with the rest of you,,,I can't find happiness...I retired at 57...to take care of my Mom an brother...he was a paraplegic mom was in her 90's...it filled my life ,no doubt....then they died...my brother in 08 my Mom in 09 an in 2010 I was told I had stage 4...your going to die cancer....well I didn't an I should be thankful for everyday BUT....as Iam really I'am so bored with life.....what happen to that excitement ,that will to adventure out an discover....it's all gone...where did it go...what happen to me.....I got old an at this point nothing is my life....
 
happytime, I'm so sorry you are feeling sad....Can you get to a Senior Center?...My Mother in law did that when she lost her husband....She sold her house and rented in another house...
She attended Church often and had a few friends...She came down with Cancer at 80 yrs old and lived a couple of more years...That was 23 years ago...
There are buses in our County that brings Seniors to the grocer stores and the Malls....They pick up whenever you call them...Maybe you should look into this....
My heart goes out to you...Please try to be happy....
 
It sounds like you're having some depression. You've been through a lot. Please tell your doctor how you feel and that you want some help. Better days are coming.
 
Lara said:
My thought is that "poor health, job loss, lack of money, etc" often results in regrets that continuously haunt us. And there is a void that needs to be filled inside all of us. I had regrets popping into my head daily after I retired and bogged me down, but I figured out how to remove each regret one at a time...instantly. It works like a miracle.

And thankfully, I figured out a long time ago how to fill that void or empty feeling instantly and what I filled it with that is accessible to everyone instantly. That also works like a miracle. My life isn't perfect by far but I'm happy, grateful, and feel loved everyday despite the imperfections of my past present and future. And the burden of regrets has been lifted totally.

Overtime a new regret pops into my head (not as often now) so, again, I do the same thing that takes it away. I'll tell you what that something is. PM me. Everyone regrets missed opportunities, wrong choices, and sometimes much worse. Even the worst can be lifted. It's a short answer basically...very simple and easy... but not everyone has a desire to hear it so I won't bore them here.

Here is part of the answer, but she doesn't tell you how to do numbers 1 and 2. That's where I can help possibly...
https://www.seniorforums.com/showthread.php/32093-5-Simple-Rules-for-Seniors-to-be-Happy
Click to expand...

Yes, the answer is in the original post, if I am correct. Also, I found several books, that helped me a lot and I am still so excited about them, even though I "got helped" through these books a while back. (They have been around for some years, I believe.) I keep these two books so I can read them whenever I might want to do so again. Here are the books: "You Can Be Happy No Matter What," by Richard Carlson and my favorite is "Happiness is a Choice," by Frank Minirth and Paul Meier. I highly recommend these excellent books; they made a real difference for me. They may be out of print; look in the second-hand stores.

I'm going to say something that sounds strange. If you have had a lot of heartache/unhappiness in your life, (I have,) it is almost like the more you have suffered, the better candidate you are to become happy. The worse your prospects look to find happiness, the greater your potential to find permanent happiness. It is true. Why? Because the "eyes and ears" of your heart are honed, open, seeking. You already know all the "ways" that don't work, and cannot be fooled. In this way, you actually use your sadness against itself and what a great victory to use the enemy, (sadness) to destroy itself. How perfect is that? You have "had it" with misery and are ready to be happy, and you can be! Some of you think I sound pretty nutty, but some of you are seeing a pure, crystal stream of hope coming your way, because your instincts are telling you I may be on to something. You really do have a choice to be happy.
 
I recently read a paperback The Myths of Happiness by a psychologist, based on her research, not opinion.

She answers all the questions like "I would be happy only if----" and I will be happy when---happens" Then tells us that this end goal
is not so great after all, such as having children, getting married, moving, money, etc.

The poster who is from Florida--may I ask what city or county?

Disagree with the post that sadness will somehow bring about happiness. Research shows that isn't true, I hate to say.
 
Some days I'm bored but unhappy, no. Sometimes I believe the two get interchanged. Are you truly unhappy or just bored?

I enjoy puttering so when I get bored, I change that by finding something to do around the house, doing an errand or something I've been procrastinating....there are a lot of those things.

Today, I'm meeting my former partner for a coffee then its off to Home Depot to get some parts to McGyver a bird feeder that the squirrels damaged. My day is full!
 
Victor said:
I recently read a paperback The Myths of Happiness by a psychologist, based on her research, not opinion.

She answers all the questions like "I would be happy only if----" and I will be happy when---happens" Then tells us that this end goal
is not so great after all, such as having children, getting married, moving, money, etc.

The poster who is from Florida--may I ask what city or county?

Disagree with the post that sadness will somehow bring about happiness. Research shows that isn't true, I hate to say.
Click to expand...

You are right completely, sadness itself does NOT bring about happiness. So my post was clumsy in this. I was unclear and, due to the depth of this subject, must continue to be unclear. I'm sorry about that.

Sadness can generate a personal search for something better and sadness can ignite personal growth.

Some of the books I mentioned explain how this comes about.

Oh! I found the third book on happiness that I wanted to recommend. It, also, may be out of print, but...doesn't mean it can't be found. Here are the three books
on happiness that I love:

1.) Happiness in an Inside Job, by John Powell, S.J.
2.) You Can Be Happy, No Matter What, by Richard Carlson
3.) Happiness is a Choice, by Frank Minirth and Paul Meier

The titles of these books can make one a little angry. You know what I mean? They are all pretty cool books and you can read them when you are mad. Ha! To grow, one may need some new ideas.

Oh! And the "make one a little angry" part is not directed at anyone...just a thought to consider. :)

I will also keep my eyes open for "The Myths of happiness" mentioned by Victor.
 
For me there is no happiness anymore. There are no books or Oprah insights that can help. I am unhappy cause of loneliness, plain and simple. I have come to accept that and I learned to value what I have rather than what I do not have. I have my son, who calls me everyday and gives me a laugh. I have my daughter who I am so completely proud of. Unfortunately for me both of them live 3000 miles away. But they are there. Happiness is subjective. For me if I had someone who got me, a "soulmate" (forgive me but it's true for me) I tend to think that would work. I am probably kidding myself.
 
Since the happiness I have found has been "hard won," I'll share a little in the hope my comments may help someone reading. First of all, (and this is a key,) one must be willing to work and fight a personal "fight" for happiness, believing that the goal can be reached.

Happiness that "just arrives" at our doorstep is what we, as humans, all want. In fact, without thinking it through, we tend to think the idea of happiness "just happening" is part of the definition of happiness. It is important, in my opinion and experience, to reject the idea of "easy," happiness.

What I wrote above is absolutely foundational.

Once you have this foundation, you are ready to tackle sadness. Next, one must develop a sort of "net" of endeavor that encompasses
all the separate issue that glue themselves together in opposition to one's precious goal: personal happiness. One who is sad has much to gain and little to lose, so this daunting task is worth taking on.

Brain-generated, chemically inherited depression/anxiety (yes, I know about that,) is one issue that I mention because it is just huge for a person to deal with. You work on it, reading, researching, praying (if you do that,) and checking with your doctor. You learn what works best for you.

The rest of the causes of each one's sadness are "fill in the blank." We each have similar, but different things we struggle with. One learns to accept struggle, while believing in a good, yes even wonderful eventual outcome. Please go back and read that last sentence again.

There is an optimistic "bottom line" that one develops. If your most basic expectation is pessimistic, that de-rail what you are trying to attain.

So, how does one change the basic expectation from pessimistic to optimistic? Ah! Here we have a spiritual or philosophical element. If you have no spiritual or no very strong philosophical belief you may have no anchor and it might be important for you to revisit these subjects.

I hope these comments are helpful to someone. I am only one person, but what I wrote has been and continues to be the answer for me.
 
When I was in my twenties and had a reason to ask myself if I was happy or not, I most always thought, yes, I'm happy. And I thought if I were ever unhappy, even that's not so bad because in a mental ditch, the only way out was going to eventually be up.

Now being decades older, it's been a very long time since I've asked myself if I am happy or not. There's no time for that. Instead I wake up asking myself out of all choices I have to decide about what I want to do today, what is it going to be? And that's not always so easy. I do keep in mind that my years ahead is not the same as in my twenties and that I have to consider that in making any decisions.

I think at a certain time in life, one kind of reaches a set point of satisfaction with life and hopefully it's higher than lower. If lower then I always remember the best way out of a funk is get up and do something, even if you don't feel like it. And then there's that old cliche about fake it until you make it. It's even said that when you're feeling down, smile anyway, because somehow it works to make you feel better.
 
Lon said:
Happiness is obtained by adapting and adjusting to the environment in which you live.
Click to expand...

Not for us it isn't, Lon. Tried to adapt and adjust to here (northeastern Florida), but it just hasn't worked out. Will be much, much happier when we move.
 
Olivia and Jim, I agree with both of you. You too, Lon if people give things a chance.

Jim, I have discovered in myself that boredom felt like unhappiness. How stupid is that? While I live on SS and a small pension, I have enough to do things now and then- even for free.
 
Olivia said:
When I was in my twenties and had a reason to ask myself if I was happy or not, I most always thought, yes, I'm happy. And I thought if I were ever unhappy, even that's not so bad because in a mental ditch, the only way out was going to eventually be up.

Now being decades older, it's been a very long time since I've asked myself if I am happy or not. There's no time for that. Instead I wake up asking myself out of all choices I have to decide about what I want to do today, what is it going to be? And that's not always so easy. I do keep in mind that my years ahead is not the same as in my twenties and that I have to consider that in making any decisions.

I think at a certain time in life, one kind of reaches a set point of satisfaction with life and hopefully it's higher than lower. If lower then I always remember the best way out of a funk is get up and do something, even if you don't feel like it. And then there's that old cliche about fake it until you make it. It's even said that when you're feeling down, smile anyway, because somehow it works to make you feel better.
Click to expand...

Exactly. I don't waste any time wondering whether I'm "happy." I'm content and my health is good and I really enjoy my life. What more could I ask for?

When I was young I was prone to "is this all there is?" syndrome when I was overwhelmed and unhappy. Thankfully those times were few and far between.
 
Happiness


I've always looked at it this way. Be happy with what you have.


I could have been born in a 3rd. world country, starving, minus a parent maybe both, no shelter.


To read about being unhappy on the internet where it takes a computer and access that might cost more than some FAMILIES make in a year fits my phylosophy of being happy I have comforts that they may never have.


Yep I'm happy with my life evev though I'm recovering extensive cervical spine surgery that has left me with loss of my left arm and hand.
 
I agree to the concept of happiness as a choice. However for me that just don’t work. Contentment is a substitute that can work for some and I can at times feel content. I know happiness is said to have to come from inside you, well If that is it then I am out of luck cause all my happiness I ever experienced in life was with other loved people and mostly those who “got me” . Without outside connection I just fall short of being happy. Personal flaw? Maybe.
However I am extremely grateful for all I have every single day.
 
Yes that is what I meant. Relief and happiness are not the same. Relief is not necessarily happiness.
I don't have a definition of happiness--it is too subjective.
 
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