Happiness with yourself

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Daytona Al

Member
I spent my career running from one meeting to another, constantly surrounded by people. Someone posted that in retirement they had learned to be happy with their own companionship. Have any of you achieved this? How did you do it? Any tips would be appreciated.
While I intend to volunteer and have my wonderful wife with me, I will necessarily be spending more time away from others. How long does it take to get used to this?
 

Once I retired and tired myself and the hubby out puttering around the house doing projects I wanted to get done it didn't take long to immerse myself in my many hobbies including a few new ones..
The hubby is very happy in front of the tv set most of the day while I enjoy my own company with painting projects, cooking, baking, reading books and mastering my sewing machine.
Dinnertime rolls around pretty fast and most of the time I wish there were more hours in the day.
I have no desire to go out among a lot of people and have volunteered at times and found it more aggravating then satisfying dealing with people who want to be boss and have there own way all of the time.
 
Ruth n Jersey said:
Once I retired and tired myself and the hubby out puttering around the house doing projects I wanted to get done it didn't take long to immerse myself in my many hobbies including a few new ones..
The hubby is very happy in front of the tv set most of the day while I enjoy my own company with painting projects, cooking, baking, reading books and mastering my sewing machine.
Dinnertime rolls around pretty fast and most of the time I wish there were more hours in the day.
I have no desire to go out among a lot of people and have volunteered at times and found it more aggravating then satisfying dealing with people who want to be boss and have there own way all of the time.
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I hadn't thought about painting? Did you take classes? Was it difficult? My wife fills her life with cooking, baking and gossiping with her sisters and seriously elderly dad in Spanish. I tried writing but am better at forums and emails than at books or stories.
The volunteer thing will be interesting. Supposedly, I'll either sit at the front desk of a hospice or visit with patients and family. They really want me to take the front desk job, but the visiting sounds more interesting... of course possibly a bit depresing.
 

I can only speak for myself. Mrs. L and I took early retirement in our mid 50's and have rarely been so busy. This lousy Covid really messed up our lifestyle, but we kept busy in our garden and with walks etc.. (Shopping, day to day chores etc., weren't really affected)
Hopefully next year will see us getting back to travelling, visiting theatres, historic buildings etc..
Keeping occupied - that's the key for us.
 
Capt Lightning said:
I can only speak for myself. Mrs. L and I took early retirement in our mid 50's and have rarely been so busy. This lousy Covid really messed up our lifestyle, but we kept busy in our garden and with walks etc.. (Shopping, day to day chores etc., weren't really affected)
Hopefully next year will see us getting back to travelling, visiting theatres, historic buildings etc..
Keeping occupied - that's the key for us.
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What do you do between the shopping and chores? I seem to freeze with the thought of all those extra hours. Of course, I never did before retirement. I just found them a good chance to kick back with TV or a book. Now there seems to be some kind of mental competition to fill the hours. It's almost like losing a job.
 
Aunt Bea said:
I stopped working 16 years ago.

It took me about a month to realize that I wasn’t on vacation.

It took a few more months before I stopped trying to find things to do and just take life as it comes.

I’m content with myself and my quiet little life in the slow lane.
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Hello Aunt Bea,

You are giving me a bit of hope. I had such a high pressure job, and my mind is telling me that I must go to work. Senior Forums helps. Maybe I'll find some other forums to work with. Everyone tells me to walk on the beach, but it's terribly hot for that these days. And really I miss interacting with people and having something that I have to do.

I'm now in month three and have hit what you called "finding things to do". I volunteered at a little tourist office of the Chamber of Commerce". I sat for five hour and only one person arrived. That person wanted to volunteer. Now I've interviewed with hospice about talking to patients of sitting at the front desk. When I went to take a look, I saw nobody at the front desk. It looks like you'd see one of two people per hour. So it's not much different than sitting at home. For a guy who was a busy executive, that may not fill the need.

It looks like I just need to "Take life as it comes" like you said. My wife always has several shopping trips per day and I have SF. Other stuff will certainly come. Sorry for the long reply, but you really got me thinking.
 
Suggest you find a good hobby...surely there is something you might have thought you'd like to take up if you had time when you were working, like playing a musical instrument, painting, woodworking, etc.?
 
Daytona Al said:
I spent my career running from one meeting to another, constantly surrounded by people. Someone posted that in retirement they had learned to be happy with their own companionship. Have any of you achieved this? How did you do it? Any tips would be appreciated.
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A good many folks retire....from life

Thing is, all the stuff people want to do, get put off
No time
Too many meetings
Too busy making a living

Then
Once retired....those things seem a bit too much....too involved

Wife and I talked about living at the edge of civilization for 40 years

Once retired, there was no excuse

Never have regretted that

It's a choice
A commitment

Or...watch TV, watch others live.....
 
Gary O' said:
A good many folks retire....from life

Thing is, all the stuff people want to do, get put off
No time
Too many meetings
Too busy making a living

Then
Once retired....those things seem a bit too much....too involved

Wife and I talked about living at the edge of civilization for 40 years

Once retired, there was no excuse

Never have regretted that

It's a choice
A commitment

Or...watch TV, watch others live.....
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Thanks Gary. We made the same commitment to the beach but without a lot of thought. Turns out, you can only spend so many hours on a beach in 100 degree temperatures with direct sunlight. It's great with vacationers, but not for long timers. In fact 95% of the folks in our condo are part-time owners who rent their places. We should have thought about this before we came... or moved to the edge of civilization instead of the coast.
 
I've been retired for 29 years now and, relatively speaking, enjoyed each day as it passed . If I've been ill, it has little to do with retirement. I'd have been laid up, work or not. Never spent 10 minutes wondering what I should be doing, where I should be, what should I be accomplishing. ??? Life keeps moving on. If you don't enjoy the freedom of retirement, find a job or try and return to the one you left.

Retirement isn't brain surgery. There's no "one way" to survive or enjoy it. Financial freedom is wonderful but not all of us have it - -before or after retirement. Some don't have close families, others could have but have blown them off and it's now too late to re-establish contact.

It's hard to ask others how they enjoy their retirement. Some folks love "activities??". Others need to be part of a group, or organization while many prefer a degree of solitude with only family for company. Take your choice.

IMHO, there's no "one size fits all" when it comes to life - -whether retired or not.
 
DaveA said:
I've been retired for 29 years now and, relatively speaking, enjoyed each day as it passed . If I've been ill, it has little to do with retirement. I'd have been laid up, work or not. Never spent 10 minutes wondering what I should be doing, where I should be, what should I be accomplishing. ??? Life keeps moving on. If you don't enjoy the freedom of retirement, find a job or try and return to the one you left.

Retirement isn't brain surgery. There's no "one way" to survive or enjoy it. Financial freedom is wonderful but not all of us have it - -before or after retirement. Some don't have close families, others could have but have blown them off and it's now too late to re-establish contact.

It's hard to ask others how they enjoy their retirement. Some folks love "activities??". Others need to be part of a group, or organization while many prefer a degree of solitude with only family for company. Take your choice.

IMHO, there's no "one size fits all" when it comes to life - -whether retired or not.
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Thanks Gary. I'm still working on the "enjoying each day" bit-- particularly this morning when someone is drilling in my building. I'll get the hang of it soon enough. Thanks again.
 
Daytona Al said:
We should have thought about this before we came... or moved to the edge of civilization instead of the coast.
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I understand
Thought needs to be applied...turned every direction
I tend to overthink
My lady told me she's moving to our mountain cabin
I had to pack a quick bag

Again, no regrets, snow and all

zqXb3Cz.jpg

our back yard in winter.jpg


The neighbors accepted us with open arms
Bear, cougar, wolves, coyotes, bobcats

Even the birds shared our place with us

baldy.jpg

No....no regrets
 
I agree with Daytona Al. I spent my working years in education. It was a balancing act between students, other teachers, parents, administration and tons and tons of meetings. Now, that I'm retired I enjoy "me" time and have absolutely no interest in volunteering any place. There is a lot of pressure to get seniors to volunteer. I think it has to do with free labour! It works for a lot of people but this ole' Packer just loves to stay home and mind my own business and trust me, I'm busy all the time.
 
Packerjohn said:
I agree with Daytona Al. I spent my working years in education. It was a balancing act between students, other teachers, parents, administration and tons and tons of meetings. Now, that I'm retired I enjoy "me" time and have absolutely no interest in volunteering any place. There is a lot of pressure to get seniors to volunteer. I think it has to do with free labour! It works for a lot of people but this ole' Packer just loves to stay home and mind my own business and trust me, I'm busy all the time.
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Something interesting I heard about volunteering: I've read a lot of books about how important social connections are and I noticed that starting about 10 years ago, the books had stopped recommending people who wanted more socialization to get out & volunteer. In fact a book recommending socialization that came out about 10 years ago, the author came right out & said along the lines of, "Don't expect volunteering to help you make friends. You should only volunteer if you care passionately about the cause because if even just one of the reasons you're there is to try to make friends, people will be able to sense that about you and it'll be a turn-off for most people, you'll come across as too desperate for friends." He said there was nothing mystical or magical about people being able to sense that, that it's something hard-wired into most people by evolution, all those years in the hunter/gatherer tribes living in close quarters with others, you'd get along better the more emotional cues from others that you picked up on correctly.
 
I can relate to what you're talking about, Daytona. (I'm sure most of us can.) The sudden shift in energy is kind of jolting and it takes a while to adjust, and for some of us, it's not easy. The types of jobs I took required a lot of scrambling and hustle, and a lot of time-management. Suddenly I had no reason to hustle, none of my time needed managing and there was way too much of it. I'd been a single dad, and raised 3 kids, and suddenly the fact that they were grown and gone was more deeply felt; effected me on a more personal level.

I suppose that's why I took an interest in foster care. I went to "foster parent school" and got certified. Trust me, that's kept me busy.
 
Daytona Al
Quote
"While I intend to volunteer and have my wonderful wife with me, I will necessarily be spending more time away from others. How long does it take to get used to this?"

You may never get used to being away from others. There is no formula for retirement that fits everyone. You could make a list of activities that you think you might enjoy. Then do a pro & con like. "The front desk job, but the visiting sounds more interesting... of course possibly a bit depressing."

Doing something that occupies your mind like painting, photography, wood working, pottery, learning to dance, hiking, biking, motorcycling. Quite a few of those have clubs that could satisfy your need for social interaction. As a plus a few have exercise built in.
 
Daytona Al. You have only been retired for a few months. Most of your life, as you knew it is gone. You are no longer Mr. Al, business person. who meets new people, and has to "cope' with whatever you used to do. You no longer "have' to get up, and go to work. Retirement is a blow to your self esteem, and self relevance. I was a Registered Nurse, who became disabled. One day I could work, next day I couldn't. So, I kind of can guess how you feel. It took a while. for me to get over it. You stated," I intend", don't 'intend'- get your butt out of the house. every day. It doesn't matter for what, just as long as you aren't starring at 4 walls. It took a while to adjust to your previous daily routine, it will take the same time to adjust to a newer routine. Get out of the house!
 
Packerjohn said:
I agree with Daytona Al. I spent my working years in education. It was a balancing act between students, other teachers, parents, administration and tons and tons of meetings. Now, that I'm retired I enjoy "me" time and have absolutely no interest in volunteering any place. There is a lot of pressure to get seniors to volunteer. I think it has to do with free labour! It works for a lot of people but this ole' Packer just loves to stay home and mind my own business and trust me, I'm busy all the time.
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I didn't know that you came out of education. Then you know how it is. I was literally addicted to the stress. Now I'm having stress withdrawal. Help me Packer. What do you do all day? I just need something interesting to fill the hours? Otherwise, I'll go over to the dark side and volunteer to sit at an empty desk and say, "welcome to the home".
 
fuzzybuddy said:
Daytona Al. You have only been retired for a few months. Most of your life, as you knew it is gone. You are no longer Mr. Al, business person. who meets new people, and has to "cope' with whatever you used to do. You no longer "have' to get up, and go to work. Retirement is a blow to your self esteem, and self relevance. I was a Registered Nurse, who became disabled. One day I could work, next day I couldn't. So, I kind of can guess how you feel. It took a while. for me to get over it. You stated," I intend", don't 'intend'- get your butt out of the house. every day. It doesn't matter for what, just as long as you aren't starring at 4 walls. It took a while to adjust to your previous daily routine, it will take the same time to adjust to a newer routine. Get out of the house!
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My wonderful wife is making sure that I get out a few times every day. No park is left unwalked, plus trips to grocery and Walmart. Nurses are incredibly high stress. How long did it take you to pull back and accept retirement? Did you need some pharmaceutical help for a while? I don't mean to pry. I'm just trying to tell how long this weird kind of panic goes on.
 
mrstime said:
I learned when I was still a young woman that I was responsible for my own happiness and I could choose to be happy or miserable. I choose happiness and so I am still happy as as can be.
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Mrstime, you are an inspiration. Someone said today that anxiety is just feeling out of control of your life. You seem to have taken con
PamfromTx said:
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Pam you are truly becoming a good virtual friend. This is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I'm trying to plan for the rest of my life today-- and that is with surgery next week. The trick is relaxing. I did that well when I was at work. In fact, I could fall asleep at the desk. Now that there is lots of time, it is a bit of a problem. Please stay in touch. I enjoy your ideas and support. We've moved to a new area and I need friends right now.
 
Daytona Al said:
Mrstime, you are an inspiration. Someone said today that anxiety is just feeling out of control of your life. You seem to have taken con

Pam you are truly becoming a good virtual friend. This is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I'm trying to plan for the rest of my life today-- and that is with surgery next week. The trick is relaxing. I did that well when I was at work. In fact, I could fall asleep at the desk. Now that there is lots of time, it is a bit of a problem. Please stay in touch. I enjoy your ideas and support. We've moved to a new area and I need friends right now.
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My husband retired at age 67 on July 4th, 2020 and it was tough for him to get use to doing almost, nothing. I keep him telling him that he needs to enjoy life. And that he is, he's buying books like they are going out of style. But, he is having a ball staying at home. He prefers to stay home ~ watch TV and read.

Hope your surgery goes well; I'll be praying for you. As my Tia Elia would say when I was having surgery, "don't worry, you'll be asleep and won't feel the pain." I laugh now at how she said that.

Enjoy your well earned retirement! Good to have you as a virtual friend.
 

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