Has Aging Well Into One's Senior Years Made Them More Grumpy, Happy, Nasty, Blase' etc?

W

WhatInThe

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What's the biggest change if any with the most senior in the family as far as attitude and demeanor goes? Not talking physical health issues or dementia. But is the most senior person in the family immediate or extended become more happy, easy going or more nasty, awnry, grumpy etc. Here it's snippy and condescending to say the least. Now part of that is they really don't want to be bothered yet they want your attention when they call. Or their 'recommendations' should be considered an order. It's amazing how much gray hair has not immunized many from a dog poop attitude.
 

I think I’m the most senior member in my family now since my mother died a couple of years ago.

I have stayed the same sweet, lovable and kind person that I’ve always been. :)

In real life...on forums I do get irritated with certain people.

While my mom was still alive, I didn’t notice any changes in her attitude either...no dog poop attitude at all.
 
CeeCee said:
I think I’m the most senior member in my family now since my mother died a couple of years ago.

I have stayed the same sweet, lovable and kind person that I’ve always been. :)

While my mom was still alive, I didn’t notice any changes in her attitude either...no dog poop attitude at all.
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Lucky you. Here the entire family immediate and extended has very event filled decade and it changed a lot from passings, marriages, illness, break ups, divorces, job loss, drug/alcohol abuse etc. Sometimes when the poop hit's the fan people's true colors come fly out. Misery is apparently looking for company here.
 

WhatInThe said:
Lucky you. Here the entire family immediate and extended has very event filled decade and it changed a lot from passings, marriages, illness, break ups, divorces, job loss, drug/alcohol abuse etc. Sometimes when the poop hit's the fan people's true colors come fly out. Misery is apparently looking for company here.
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Yes, guess I’m lucky. There have been no divorces, job losses, drug or alcohol issues...nothing really. We’re pretty boring.

There have been some deaths and grieving but I was the one most affected by it...well of course my siblings too in the case of my mother but nobody fought over any wills or inheritances or anything like that.

In fact my mother gave us our inheritance (there are 4 of us) at least 15 years before she died....it was a nice amount also..helped me greatly after the death of my husband.

Then when she died, she gave her diamond ring to My youngest sister’s daughter since she lived with them the last years of her life.

Some other jewelry was given to other granddaughters....I didn’t get any but was okay with it. She had given me some earlier in life.
 
I think when adults don't learn to grow up and remain immature...they stay that way into old age.

Whiney, cranky, attention whores, bossy, stingy and ill -tempered, has to have the last word know-it-all. All the marks of an over-grown baby.

Now that others don't need them as much, they start banging their cane- in vain.
 
My sister in law is the most senior member now. She is still the sweetest most caring person I know. We do have a tendency to talk about other subjects now than in our younger years. Not so much what we want to do around our homes but how do we get rid of what we have accumulated, and of course health issues are discussed more. The hubby is next in line. He is more short tempered now and can be grumpy and a bit nasty. I just let him be. We have a big house.
 
I'm the most senior member of our family. Both I and my wife have "mellowed out" over the past few years, and we seldom have any disputes, anymore. The kids/grandkids are all doing pretty well, and we all know that we are here for each other, should a need arise. One of the lessons I've learned in the past decade, or so, is that getting all upset serves no good purpose.
 
CeeCee said:
I think I’m the most senior member in my family now since my mother died a couple of years ago.

I have stayed the same sweet, lovable and kind person that I’ve always been. :)

In real life...on forums I do get irritated with certain people.

While my mom was still alive, I didn’t notice any changes in her attitude either...no dog poop attitude at all.
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PoI have stayed the same sweet, lovable and kind person that I’ve always been.

Cough ! Cough ! Gagg! Faint Swoon! Please help me up from the floor ! YIKES!!!
 
Falcon said:
PoI have stayed the same sweet, lovable and kind person that I’ve always been.

Cough ! Cough ! Gagg! Faint Swoon! Please help me up from the floor ! YIKES!!!
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CeeCee said:
You know I’m loved by my whole family so stop coughing and gagging!
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:lofl: That was funny.

RadishRose said:
I think when adults don't learn to grow up and remain immature...they stay that way into old age.

Whiney, cranky, attention whores, bossy, stingy and ill -tempered, has to have the last word know-it-all. All the marks of an over-grown baby.

Now that others don't need them as much, they start banging their cane- in vain.
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Yes. Oh yes. My parents are the oldest and they are even known in their town as the nasty old couple.
 
I suppose bringing your kids up to be confident and fiercely independent can finally work against you. My daughter for reasons still unknown ignores me [I am divorced from her mother] and my son who has alway stuck by me and spent time at w/ends with me at my place and his ; has recently in 'word' given the impression that he is now 'head of the family' possible supported by his dear mother. I have told him in no uncertain terms he's not and now he is slowly trying to appease - we shall see - watch this spot!!:daz:
 
We just lost my 95-year-old aunt, who was the Grand Dowager in the family, which moves my mother at 93 into the title.

My mom still looks and acts like she was my older sister. She moves a little more slowly these days, but her mind and her abilities are like the Eveready Bunny.....she just keeps going and going and going. I'd have to say her personality and abilities haven't changed in 25 years.
 
I think grownups at any age are about as happy as they want to be. Some happy, generous people that I've known who live with physical disabilities and/or have survived trauma, were happy before things changed and remain so in spite of circumstances. Such bravery is beautiful to see!

As for the others, it must be awful to feel hopeless/scared/isolated/helpless/powerless. Does seem to become more intense over time, though, and I think especially about medical staff who have to deal with abuse as part of their job.
 
My little MIL is the "senior" family member at 85, and she's as sweet today as she was when I met her 30 years ago.

I think many older people have physical ailments, pain, physical limitations that color their outlook and make them cranky or whiny. Plus the realization that the clock is ticking and we are going to die after all makes one less inclined to put up with B.S. I will probably be a "get off my lawn" old lady but I'm happy to be left alone. :D
 
The Spousal Equivalent's mother, who died last summer at 95 was the sweetest woman on earth. Even though she was very near totally blind, couldn't hear well, and was in terrible pain from her disintegrating spine, she made the best of the life she had. You heard very little complaining from her.

We called her the Pit Bull, though. When she got something in her mind, that was it. She'd get a notion in her head and you might as well get ready to do whatever it was she wanted.
 
My mother is 94. She was a horrible person when she was younger and has only gotten worst.

An example. She was in the hospital (she was about 87 when this happened) and took exception to having a roommate. It got so bad the hospital personnel were concerned for the roommates' physical safety. An aide had to be placed in a chair between the two woman 24/7, and my brother had to sign permission for her to be placed into physical restraints (tied in her bed) if she got worst.

Second place goes to my husband, mostly emotionally abusive for 47 years and has gotten worst over time. Three years ago I started discussing the problems with my new doctor who flat out didn't believe me. I also discussed the amount of "accidental" physical harm to me that had increased over the years. Again, she thought I was a bit paranoid.

Of course, my husband always claims I don't understand him, I take things wrong, and the accidents are just accidents. He also claims he has a "bad memory", and simply can remember when I ask him to do things. Went with him to his doctor, explained how his abusive behavior worst was getting worst-not believed. But doctor orders memory testing.

Because he claims he has memory problems. Testing shows his memory is excellent! Much better than most in his age group. But the testing also shows extreme hostility, paranoid behavior, etc.-close to being diagnosed as mentally ill, dangerously mentally ill. The report suggested he get anger management, medication, and on-going therapy. Complete validation of what I had been saying for years.

From early in our marriage, I suspected he might be a family annihilator. If you have a relative who is getting worst, you might consider memory testing. The testing is not just for memory issues. The way I got him tested was to agree with his concern for his memory even though I realized it was fine. His doctor was shocked at the results. I was not.
 
Aneeda72 said:
My mother is 94. She was a horrible person when she was younger and has only gotten worst.
........

Of course, my husband always claims I don't understand him, I take things wrong, and the accidents are just accidents. He also claims he has a "bad memory", and simply can remember when I ask him to do things. Went with him to his doctor, explained how his abusive behavior worst was getting worst-not believed. But doctor orders memory testing.

Because he claims he has memory problems. Testing shows his memory is excellent! Much better than most in his age group. But the testing also shows extreme hostility, paranoid behavior, etc.-close to being diagnosed as mentally ill, dangerously mentally ill. The report suggested he get anger management, medication, and on-going therapy. Complete validation of what I had been saying for years.

From early in our marriage, I suspected he might be a family annihilator. If you have a relative who is getting worst, you might consider memory testing. The testing is not just for memory issues. The way I got him tested was to agree with his concern for his memory even though I realized it was fine. His doctor was shocked at the results. I was not.
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Memory testing.

Funny you mention that because several things over the last several years became more obvious. We were looking at old photos and this person didn't recognize an in-law they hadn't seen in years yet came to numerous family events yearly and people who saw less of them even knew their name. They now frequently refer to their children as their children not using their first name as often. During the course of a conversation including topics and people that have been discussed numerous times over the years they talk about it like it's the first time. Always in a lecturing mode now. And they are really short tempered at this point towards 90. They were always anal, fussy etc but now it's their way or the highway type mindset and are frequently triggered by certain people, not just pop culture/politics(that too) but by various friends & family members. They literally snap, scold you for bringing up their name or accepting what they do/did.

But sadly this could explain why their children have refused to see or even talk to them for long periods of time. Or become alcoholics/addicts. Their spouse could put a few away to say the least as well. That being said they are energetic always seem to be doing something but just in the last few years it's a night and day difference in their personality.
 
I'm a little crankier and definitely more blasé. However....I have noticed I'm a little more prone to laughter than I used to be.
 
I'm the oldest and I don't think age has changed me much. I'm the same, but the stressors I had from work etc. are absent now, so I'm not overwhelmed by stuff, and each issue can be dealt with in a more peaceful and thoughtful manner, therefore I get less riled.
 
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