Ronni
The motormouth ;)
- Location
- Nashville TN
My 30+ years of marriage with my ex-husband was extremely dysfunctional. He was highly abusive, domineering, controlling, a misogynist. I've posted about that before. I'm so glad I escaped when I did, though it's taken me years of therapy to get beyond the worst of it and I still carry mental scars. Things still sometimes surface, some memory, a trigger, something that re-engages the PTSD that even now, 15 years out, still blindsides me on occasion.
Having a conversation with a friend the other day, and she said something about concern for her step-daughter and the man she's with, who just shuts the daughter down when the girl brings up certain topics.
This really triggered me. I was flooded with memories of the way my ex would censor my conversation with others, whether they were friends, family, my own children. He had strong feelings about what was seemly, what should be discussed inside and outside of the home, what was appropriate to say and what was not. Partly it was about appearances, partly it was about his perceived lack of loyalty from me, who knows what else.
For example, if the conversation even began to head in the direction of our financial status (we were poor so much of the time becuase he'd get fired or quit frequently) ) he would shut that down, change the subject, redirect the conversation. He would viciously pinch me under the table, stomp on my foot, do something to shut me up, and then pretend concern if I involuntarily reacted "Oh honey, is your stomach acting up again? Should we leave?" And then when we did, he'd scream and yell at me for even attempting to bring up a forbidden subject.
Often I was surprised at what he considered forbidden subjects, though I quickly learned to steer clear of the subjects that I knew were off limits. I didn't want any more bruises!
I wonder if the fact that I have become so talkative over the years is a direct result of having been shut down and kept quiet for so long?
Having a conversation with a friend the other day, and she said something about concern for her step-daughter and the man she's with, who just shuts the daughter down when the girl brings up certain topics.
This really triggered me. I was flooded with memories of the way my ex would censor my conversation with others, whether they were friends, family, my own children. He had strong feelings about what was seemly, what should be discussed inside and outside of the home, what was appropriate to say and what was not. Partly it was about appearances, partly it was about his perceived lack of loyalty from me, who knows what else.
For example, if the conversation even began to head in the direction of our financial status (we were poor so much of the time becuase he'd get fired or quit frequently) ) he would shut that down, change the subject, redirect the conversation. He would viciously pinch me under the table, stomp on my foot, do something to shut me up, and then pretend concern if I involuntarily reacted "Oh honey, is your stomach acting up again? Should we leave?" And then when we did, he'd scream and yell at me for even attempting to bring up a forbidden subject.
Often I was surprised at what he considered forbidden subjects, though I quickly learned to steer clear of the subjects that I knew were off limits. I didn't want any more bruises!
I wonder if the fact that I have become so talkative over the years is a direct result of having been shut down and kept quiet for so long?