Hateful Daughter in law

You can keep the lines of communication open, while living your own life, so you don't appear to them as needy. Do you have hobbies or friends to share with? My husband comes from a large family but many of them only have polite contact with each other, some not at all. You can't control anyone but yourself and only you decide how to react to them.
 

I'm so sorry you are going through this Gammareen. I know others who were in the same situation. It's too bad your son wouldn't listen to your concerns. I hope you are able to fill your life with people who do care about you and want to spend time with you. If at all possible, find a way to do that. As was previously mentioned, there are good people here, most of whom are willing to be supportive. Since, technically, you were a member before I'll say....

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Gammareen said:
I was surprised to see my post from 2016. I knew I had tried a forum once but didn't realize it was this one. Just reminds me how long this has been hurting . I have only voiced my feelings to my son once and it was a mistake, He became very defensive . I do nothing to defend myself. I shut down. Become quiet.

An example of what I experience. When the kids were toddlers she took me and them to a resort area for the day. The whole while we were there she hurried ahead of me with the children in a double stroller. She wouldn't let me help in any way or to touch the children. I couldn't keep up with the pace and there was no conversation at all. When we returned home she called her mother in front of me and told her I hadn't helped once during the whole day.
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You poor dear. Fancy her putting you down like that to her mother. I have a friend who used to visit her daughter-in-law just to see the new baby. This female actually made her wash her hands in disinfectant before she could touch the baby and wouldn't let her hold it for longer than 2 minutes. When she told her son, he wouldn't believe her and said maybe it was better that she didn't visit any more. As the old saying goes. "Some mothers do have 'em."
 

C50 said:
Keep the lines of communication open, kids and adults both. I will say from my own experience I didn't know my grandmother very well as I was growing up, and my grand father had died years before. When I turned 16 I got it my head to start visiting grandma, couldn't give you a reason other than I thought I should. We grew very close, I only had a few years with her but grew to love her very much, those are some precious memories for me.

Here's the thing though, there was never any big fight or drama between my folks and grandma, I think it was more of an out of sight out of mind scenario. That's why I say keep the cards and messages going, even if it's one sided it's a reminder, maybe one day someone will reach out to you, I hope so.
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Your story gives me great hope. Thank you.
 
Blessed said:
I agree with @PeppermintPatty, I am a Mom to a son, only child and also a widow. I have a close relationship still with my son. I don't see or talk to him as often as I would like and he lives in the area. I just remind myself that he is grown, working, raising a family. My DIL had a baby boy when they met. They lived here with me about 3 1/2 years saving for their future. That little boy is very much my grandson.

I have tried to make a deeper connection to my DIL but we are very different. She is very girlie, stylish, etc. I am not into all that so it is not like we are going to go shopping, get our nails done. The only thing that matters in the big picture is that my son is happy.
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That is important. I do think about that.
 
Gammareen said:
This is my first time on this forum. I'm writing today because I'm so full of emotional pain that I don't know what to do with it. I live a long way from my son, his wife and 2 teenagers. For 20 plus years she has sabotaged me until I have no connections left with any of them. It's awful.
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Oh you poor dear. I am so sorry.
It is hard to know what to say, some people are just evil.
 
Gammareen said:
This is my first time on this forum. I'm writing today because I'm so full of emotional pain that I don't know what to do with it. I live a long way from my son, his wife and 2 teenagers. For 20 plus years she has sabotaged me until I have no connections left with any of them. It's awful.
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My mother-in-law did the same to me. Sometimes relationships can be fixed. Sometimes they can't. It's nice to have a good relationship with in-laws, but it doesn't always happen.
 
Family situations are not always the best. If I saw my ex- sister-in-law crossing the road, my only regret in running her over is I'd have to get the car washed. Unfortunately, she comes with a bunch of nicer relatives. Emails and phone calls are "long distance" things, they are kind of impersonal. Do you send a card, or some kind of small personal gift to the other family members, like on their birthdays, Xmas ?
 
Maybe sort of quietly troll their facebook page. Learn about them. Ask to be befriended‘ break the frozen ice some.
 
papa tiger said:
Maybe sort of quietly troll their facebook page. Learn about them. Ask to be befriended‘ break the frozen ice some.
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‘Troll their Facebook page?’😬 The sounds of toxic behaviour.

Some people don’t get along. I’d leave it at that. Just be politely civil and respectful. If that’s not good enough then leave it. Don’t turn yourself inside out for anyone.
 
By troll I just meant hang out and read there posts, learn about them and then ask to befriend. It might brake the Ice. /The face book is their way of expression. /dozens of pictures etc.
 
When I decided to leave my family after high school, I never looked back. I lived with my grandparents through high school and after I graduated from there and moved onto the Naval Academy, my grandparents were my only relatives in my life. The others turned their backs on me after my parents were killed and we only got together maybe twice a year. Once in the summer, usually over the 4th and At Christmas time to exchange gifts and have dinner.

When I graduated from the Naval Academy, I was allotted 4 tickets for guests to attend the ceremonies. My Gramps adored General Schwarzkopf and he gave the address that night. There was no way my grandparents weren’t getting seats. I had other relatives that wanted to attend, but I gave the other 2 tickets to my niece and her date. I didn’t make any friends that night.
 

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