Have you ever been out of your element?

Mr. Ed

Mr. Ed

Be what you is not what you what you ain’t
Location
Central NY
When I was interning at a drug prevention agency that served the gay/lesbian community in my town, I was curious to attend a mens pizza gathering hosted by the agency. After everyone settled down to eat, I attempted to strike up a conversation with one of the younger guys. Without warning an old queen made it clear that the younger guy was her's and her’s alone by positioning herself/himself between us to stop further conversation.

There were about 15 older guys compared to 2 or 3 young men attending the event. It was a great experience seeing the dynamics shift in response to whoever wielded the most authority and power within the room.
 

In High School, which I did not attend as I was a truant, I went to a few meetings of BBG--B'nai Brith Girls--I made an attempt to be a nice Jewish girl and stay within my community. I didn't fit. The girls were all consumed with marriage, houses, money, children, and meeting the boy who would provide this. I wasn't too uncomfortable with these girls, they were "my" girls after all, my background, girls I knew for a long time.

To make a long story short, I left the girls I knew and the comfort I should have had and I joined the anti-war movement instead and began by spending my weekends in Greenwich Village.
 
I have always had low self esteem, and it has been major in
my life....I think my alcohol abuse was one way of coping, trying to "fit in" as it were....In florida I took an old fiberglass boat and
reworked it into a sort of bass boat, and when my fla boat registration came, I was invited to join the local "yacht club" !!!
So okay wife and I went to a dinner, there we saw folks in mink,
nice suits, etc....and boy did I feel out of place...that membership
lasted all of 3 months I think.....and there were other incidents
over the years....ah well....HE took me out of that way of life....
 

Fitting in and feeling like I belong has been an issue with me ever since I was 14 years old and my family moved back to America after being overseas in the far east for 20 years.....where I was born.
I can manage to play a functioning, contributing and reasonably effective role in various venues, but to feel, within myself, that I'm actually a full fledged member of a "tribe"..........not to the level of deriving any enjoyment from being with them.
 
Being born and raised in Chicago I was thrown into a totally different type of living circumstance when I got married and moved to rural Kentucky where my husband grew up. I call it culture shock. When we got together with my husband's family everyone talked about squirrel/rabbit/deer hunting, farm issues, cattle raising, gardening, canning, cooking "greens", the perfect fried chicken, and corn bread, etc. Being a city girl I couldn't relate to any of the things they talked about and just kind of sat in the corner not contributing to the conversations at all.

I never did "assimilate" and we ended up moving to a larger type city where I felt more in my element. So, yes, I was definitely out of my element.
 
People are strange. Me too. We never agree with each other entirely. Most of the time I am uncomfortable until I get accustomed.
A couple striking examples were playing in all black clubs, when there was me and 1 or 2 white dudes in the band. I felt quite uneasy at first but it changed through the gig.
Another is working in the ghetto, which was even dangerous at times.
 
Out of my element would be the 1st. time attending a corporate function to discuss present & future operational expectations. I was asked by one of the financial department managers what college I attended. I answered I didn't have the luxury of going to college. He & others distanced themselves from me. That was awkward.

Subsequent meetings went much better since my department achieved 1 million manhours of accident free operation. I guess street smarts won over the "elite"
 
No, I've been lucky in this. I had a fortunate upbringing and education and I feel comfortable, or at least in control, in most situations in life. I wish everyone had had the same.
 
caroln said:
Being born and raised in Chicago I was thrown into a totally different type of living circumstance when I got married and moved to rural Kentucky where my husband grew up. I call it culture shock. When we got together with my husband's family everyone talked about squirrel/rabbit/deer hunting, farm issues, cattle raising, gardening, canning, cooking "greens", the perfect fried chicken, and corn bread, etc. Being a city girl I couldn't relate to any of the things they talked about and just kind of sat in the corner not contributing to the conversations at all.

I never did "assimilate" and we ended up moving to a larger type city where I felt more in my element. So, yes, I was definitely out of my element. I would have fit right in perfect that's my kind of folks for sure... But I know well how you felt as I have been exposed to your world many times and sure do not fit in there at all...
Click to expand...
 
Pepper said:
To make a long story short, I left the girls I knew and the comfort I should have had and I joined the anti-war movement instead and began by spending my weekends in Greenwich Village.
Click to expand...
Eventually (1984) I was travelling out from British Columbia way across to Eastern Canada, and took Amtrak down to NY. In NYC I definitely did feel a bit out of my element. Spent an evening in Greenwich Village... it was fascinating — and fantastic pizza!

Actually I'd been curious to go to the Village because of LP recordings of folk singers, which had somehow made it out west to some specialty bins in certain music-stores (by '64-65?), up & down the west coast. Judy Collins, Dave Van Ronk, Fred Neil, Phil Ochs, the Holy Modal Rounders... ring any bells?
 

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