Have you ever caught your adult children in a lie?

Ruby Rose

Ruby Rose

Location: Canadian Prairies
Lie #1: When my youngest daughter was a cop, and I was living in the area at that time, I would see her pretty well every second day. Two weeks went by and there was no sign of her, though she would phone pretty well every day and I asked her how she was and she'd say "Fine, fine, I'm just busy." Then she showed up at the door and the first thing she said to me was, "Do I look any different?" And, I looked at her and said "No." "Oh, good," she said. It turned out she had gotten into a kafuffle with a perpetrator and got punched in the face, and didn't want to tell me at the time.

Lie #2: I get a phone call in the middle of the night from my eldest daughter, a soldier, who is outside of Dubai and in camouflage. I quickly asked her "Anything wrong? How are you?" "No, I'm cool, just wanted to say hello to my Momma." I never did find out the truth about this call out of the blue.

Lie #3: I also got a phone call from this same eldest daughter when she was in Colombia, to wish us a happy holidays, and through the phone I could hear sounds suspiciously like gunshots, to which she said, "Oh, no, it's fireworks!" As it turned out, they were gunshots.

So, there, would you call all the above lies? I must tell you, I am a champion worry-wart! And, to this day, even though my daughters are retired, I still worry. I am sure there have been many more lies . . .

Have you had similar experiences as a parent?
 

Murrmurr said:
I bet that's uncomfortable....for your father. (Deserved)
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Well, he died about 15 years ago but it didn't seem to make him uncomfortable in a feeling-guilty kind of way, more like he was sorry he got caught. And he'd get angry too: I remember him being furious with me back when I was about 10 I guess; I had told 1 of my teachers who I really admired--she was female and I was missing having a female, mother figure type--that my parents had recently gotten divorced (which was true) and he threw a fit! (yelling, throwing lamps against walls kind of fit) He said, "Why the hell did you do that?! I've been telling people that your mother abandoned me and you kids years ago! G**d***it! Why the hell can't you keep your big mouth shut?!" Silly me for telling the truth; and I didn't even tell the whole truth that he'd recently run my mother off, just that they'd recently gotten divorced. (Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and say back to him, "So you've been lying but I'M the one who's in trouble here?!" But I didn't; I did my usual start crying and slink off to my room thing I always did instead of yelling back at him like my sister did. Who actually grew up to be as big a liar as Dad was but that's another story.)
 
Sometimes when an adult child doesn't want you to know what's REALLY going on in their lives they will say they are fine even when something is not going well, they think it will protect you from worrying about what's really going in their lives. I don't agree with this way of thinking because my imagination will think the worst. And if it turns out to be the worst, I won't have been given the opportunity to encourage my child in whatever way I can.
 
Elsie said:
Sometimes when an adult child doesn't want you to know what's REALLY going on in their lives they will say they are fine even when something is not going well, they think it will protect you from worrying about what's really going in their lives. I don't agree with this way of thinking because my imagination will think the worst. And if it turns out to be the worst, I won't have been given the opportunity to encourage my child in whatever way I can.
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Both daughters have retorted when I worry and say; "We are adults, Momma" and this is true. Guess there comes a time when you have to let go but man is that hard!
 
officerripley said:
Well, he died about 15 years ago but it didn't seem to make him uncomfortable in a feeling-guilty kind of way, more like he was sorry he got caught. And he'd get angry too: I remember him being furious with me back when I was about 10 I guess; I had told 1 of my teachers who I really admired--she was female and I was missing having a female, mother figure type--that my parents had recently gotten divorced (which was true) and he threw a fit! (yelling, throwing lamps against walls kind of fit) He said, "Why the hell did you do that?! I've been telling people that your mother abandoned me and you kids years ago! G**d***it! Why the hell can't you keep your big mouth shut?!" Silly me for telling the truth; and I didn't even tell the whole truth that he'd recently run my mother off, just that they'd recently gotten divorced. (Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and say back to him, "So you've been lying but I'M the one who's in trouble here?!" But I didn't; I did my usual start crying and slink off to my room thing I always did instead of yelling back at him like my sister did. Who actually grew up to be as big a liar as Dad was but that's another story.)
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If I had the power to send you back, I would.

This is the kind of crap that's happening to Paxton. Not as bad as your experience, but he's only 3 so it has the same impact, imo. His mother rails at him at the top of her lungs every time he has a BM in his diaper (and yet, she keeps him in a diaper). So, he tries not to let his bowels move. I had him for 3 days and he didn't have a BM until the 3rd day. And he cried while it was happening. It was horrible. I kept telling him pooping is a good thing, and that I love it when he poops and I want him to do it every day like everyone does, and I was all "Yay! Good job!" when he was done. Of course, in my head was an image of his mother hanging lifeless from a tree. The woman has no feelings for this kid.
 
Murrmurr said:
If I had the power to send you back, I would.

This is the kind of crap that's happening to Paxton. Not as bad as your experience, but he's only 3 so it has the same impact, imo. His mother rails at him at the top of her lungs every time he has a BM in his diaper (and yet, she keeps him in a diaper). So, he tries not to let his bowels move. I had him for 3 days and he didn't have a BM until the 3rd day. And he cried while it was happening. It was horrible. I kept telling him pooping is a good thing, and that I love it when he poops and I want him to do it every day like everyone does, and I was all "Yay! Good job!" when he was done. Of course, in my head was an image of his mother hanging lifeless from a tree. The woman has no feelings for this kid.
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Poor Paxton. The longer I live, the more I become of the firm opinion that not everyone is cut out for parenthood, not. At. All. Thank goodness for people like you, though, Murrmurr.
 

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