Have You Ever Had A One Way Relationship?

Ruthanne said:
Please don't make me feel any stupider than I already feel with your replies but thanks in advance for them.

Have you ever had a relationship with someone where you do all the giving and get virtually nothing in return? I wasn't actually looking for much but friendship from this man. All of our conversations revolved around him and his health problems all the time. We did go out to dinner twice and once he paid and once I did. This friendship has been going on for about 5 years currently but I have known him for 50 years although we hadn't always been in contact.

I have listened and listened and listened and given empathy and understanding and suggestions at times but he never listens to suggestions nor does he have any answers to his problems and just keeps on bitching and moaning. I can hardly take listening anymore. I guess I'm just fed up because it's the same old crap all the time and nothing else. I have told him I can't listen to any more problems. Thanks for listening to me vent.
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I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.
One way relationships are very sad and heart breaking.
Sounds like you put a lot of yourself into this relationship for so long, i admire you for that, and sadly he's so much into himself, he doesn't appreciate your tremendous giving.
I won't give out advice, one way or the other.
I hope you can do what is the best for you, and only you. I know this is very draining for you.

Don't mean to take away from your thread.....i was with a sociopath type person, for 28 years.....my self worth was totally stripped.

Sociopath.......one that has no guilt....no remorse.....no regret.....they are into themselves only.

TAKE CARE Ruthanne.
I hope your situation becomes in your favour.
 

Yes. I had a friend since (I kid you not) 1969. She was always a little controlling but other qualities made up for that. We eventually moved far away from each other but remained phone friends. In the last 10 years she's become completely obsesses with talking about nothing besides her husband's health issues and I've had to steel myself for her weekly updates. She would tell me when she was going to call next and boy, I'd better be there to get the call or I get an earful the next time I talked to her. The phone calls lasted about an hour every time, informing me of every detail of his progress and how she took charge of his medications, etc. and was so much smarter than the doctors and nurses about most things.

I just couldn't take it anymore and told her I needed to cut down on the length of our phone calls and she got so p**sed off, she started saying unpleasant and sarcastic things, so I hung up on her. She tried calling back and I just never answered the phone again. It's been 5 years now and she's tried calling once, and again, I just didn't answer. I really don't want to start the whole process over again. Life's too short.
 
Every relationship I had was a one-way relationship. Bad luck or fate, it's hard to figure out why.
It's often hard to tell your story because people can't relate, and it seems to them unlikely somehow. My "love life" is something I could write a book about, but there is always someone who had it worse, I know. Made so many mistakes before I eventually got married. And that turned out to be the biggest mistake of all. Having 2 daughters and 2 grandchildren are the best things that came out of that whole mess. Over all the years the only thing you end up with is it all had to be my fault. I picked the wrong person, I did or said the wrong things. When I look back it just confuses me more. You see other people all around you with failing marriages and relationships, so it seems my life is not abnormal. I raised my 2 daughters myself after the divorce and did not have the time or made the time to date for a long time. When I finally did date, once, it was the same thing I had been going though for 22 years. After my daughters were grown and gone, I found out I enjoyed living alone and left the horrors of the relationship world behind. I could also write a book about how some people can be happy and thrive on their own.
 

Ruthanne said:
Please don't make me feel any stupider than I already feel with your replies but thanks in advance for them.

Have you ever had a relationship with someone where you do all the giving and get virtually nothing in return? I wasn't actually looking for much but friendship from this man. All of our conversations revolved around him and his health problems all the time. We did go out to dinner twice and once he paid and once I did. This friendship has been going on for about 5 years currently but I have known him for 50 years although we hadn't always been in contact.

I have listened and listened and listened and given empathy and understanding and suggestions at times but he never listens to suggestions nor does he have any answers to his problems and just keeps on bitching and moaning. I can hardly take listening anymore. I guess I'm just fed up because it's the same old crap all the time and nothing else. I have told him I can't listen to any more problems. Thanks for listening to me vent.
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Ruthanne.......please don't feel stupid......you are not.
 
Ruthanne, Someday, probably out of the blue, You will meet someone who penetrates YOUR SOUL!
He's out there and waiting for you!
and,
It will be MAGICAL! You will be blown away! be open to all possibilities!

What is your description of the perfect man? Why don't you describe him right here, right now?
I'm SERIOUS! Boldness has power and magic in it!
Don't waste another night on that other man. When you find you would rather be alone than with him,
something is wrong!
 
Maybe I had too much to eat for brunch, but, I did not get the impression Ruthanne was talking about a lover relationship. I thought it was only a long time friend.

Anyway, my two francs worth would be to ditch him. Personally, I cannot stand negative people and he would have been long gone as a friend.

Tell me your troubles once
Tell me twice
I help you find a solution if you wish
But tell me again and you are shown the door!
,
 
Most guys don’t ask a girl out on a date because he likes her personality. It’s something else they are after. That has been the history of my love life more or less. That can’t help but lead to a one way relationship and many girls know that. The guy buys gifts, wines and dines and is permanently on the entertainment committee. When he finds one that will do things for him is when he has found a keeper. I wish I was so lucky.
 
Ruthanne said:
Please don't make me feel any stupider than I already feel with your replies but thanks in advance for them.

Have you ever had a relationship with someone where you do all the giving and get virtually nothing in return? I wasn't actually looking for much but friendship from this man. All of our conversations revolved around him and his health problems all the time. We did go out to dinner twice and once he paid and once I did. This friendship has been going on for about 5 years currently but I have known him for 50 years although we hadn't always been in contact.

I have listened and listened and listened and given empathy and understanding and suggestions at times but he never listens to suggestions nor does he have any answers to his problems and just keeps on bitching and moaning. I can hardly take listening anymore. I guess I'm just fed up because it's the same old crap all the time and nothing else. I have told him I can't listen to any more problems. Thanks for listening to me vent.
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Can't believe you put up with the narcissist this long. :ROFLMAO: Don't sell yourself short. There are some beautiful great men out there. Don't waste you time on anyone who is so self centered. You deserve better. :)💥
 
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Chet said:
Most guys don’t ask a girl out on a date because he likes her personality. It’s something else they are after. That has been the history of my love life more or less. That can’t help but lead to a one way relationship and many girls know that. The guy buys gifts, wines and dines and is permanently on the entertainment committee. When he finds one that will do things for him is when he has found a keeper. I wish I was so lucky.
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Hello.
 
Aunt Bea said:
Yup!

“Don’t be silly. Loving is easy. It’s finding someone to love you back that’s hard.” - Sabrina Jeffries
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Send out your love. Keep it up until it sticks. It will.
Send your love into the future
Send your precious love into some distant time
And fix that wounded planet with the love of your healing
Send your love
Send your love--Sting
 
caroln said:
Yes. I had a friend since (I kid you not) 1969. She was always a little controlling but other qualities made up for that. We eventually moved far away from each other but remained phone friends. In the last 10 years she's become completely obsesses with talking about nothing besides her husband's health issues and I've had to steel myself for her weekly updates. She would tell me when she was going to call next and boy, I'd better be there to get the call or I get an earful the next time I talked to her. The phone calls lasted about an hour every time, informing me of every detail of his progress and how she took charge of his medications, etc. and was so much smarter than the doctors and nurses about most things.

I just couldn't take it anymore and told her I needed to cut down on the length of our phone calls and she got so p**sed off, she started saying unpleasant and sarcastic things, so I hung up on her. She tried calling back and I just never answered the phone again. It's been 5 years now and she's tried calling once, and again, I just didn't answer. I really don't want to start the whole process over again. Life's too short.
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Gaer said:
Ruthanne, Someday, probably out of the blue, You will meet someone who penetrates YOUR SOUL!
He's out there and waiting for you!
and,
It will be MAGICAL! You will be blown away! be open to all possibilities!

What is your description of the perfect man? Why don't you describe him right here, right now?
I'm SERIOUS! Boldness has power and magic in it!
Don't waste another night on that other man. When you find you would rather be alone than with him,
something is wrong!
Click to expand...
audaces fortuna juvat Fortune Favors the Bold 🥰
 
Chet said:
Most guys don’t ask a girl out on a date because he likes her personality. It’s something else they are after. That has been the history of my love life more or less. That can’t help but lead to a one way relationship and many girls know that. The guy buys gifts, wines and dines and is permanently on the entertainment committee. When he finds one that will do things for him is when he has found a keeper. I wish I was so lucky.
Click to expand...

Chet said:
Most guys don’t ask a girl out on a date because he likes her personality. It’s something else they are after. That has been the history of my love life more or less. That can’t help but lead to a one way relationship and many girls know that. The guy buys gifts, wines and dines and is permanently on the entertainment committee. When he finds one that will do things for him is when he has found a keeper. I wish I was so lucky.
Click to expand...
Gosh Chet, not all guys are looking for that one thing only. Some men/women need a connection and closeness with a person before that ensues. It is less about sex and more about something else. :)
 
she's become completely obsesses with talking about nothing besides her husband's health issues
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Several gal friends/acquaintances from the fitness center are always complaining about their husbands lack of fitness consciousness, and related health issues where they are the care-giver. I get that, am in the same position with my DW.
I wonder if some people who are giving are subconsciously drawn to those who are needy. ?
 
Nathan said:
It can be difficult to assess and manage a friendship so as to maintain one that's balanced. Checking one's own needs and motivation for a friendship seems to be a full time job; evaluating the "friend" and their frame of mind is hit & miss, unless that friend also is putting the necessary work into friendship maintenance.
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Send him all the replies just maybe he will LEARN HOW TO GIVE BACK TO ANOTHER
IN THE HOW IT WORKS UNLESS HE IS trying to get rid of you meaning trying to use you for his emotional mummy bag to give him the supply of constant comfort for his injured self-esteem
He needs to know that a date for dinner can pay back for his greedy selfish desires that he must payback or go stand in the corner until he behaves in a genuinely happy hour to YOU.
Send him this information
 
chrislind2 said:
Every relationship I had was a one-way relationship. Bad luck or fate, it's hard to figure out why.
It's often hard to tell your story because people can't relate, and it seems to them unlikely somehow. My "love life" is something I could write a book about, but there is always someone who had it worse, I know. Made so many mistakes before I eventually got married. And that turned out to be the biggest mistake of all. Having 2 daughters and 2 grandchildren are the best things that came out of that whole mess. Over all the years the only thing you end up with is it all had to be my fault. I picked the wrong person, I did or said the wrong things. When I look back it just confuses me more. You see other people all around you with failing marriages and relationships, so it seems my life is not abnormal. I raised my 2 daughters myself after the divorce and did not have the time or made the time to date for a long time. When I finally did date, once, it was the same thing I had been going though for 22 years. After my daughters were grown and gone, I found out I enjoyed living alone and left the horrors of the relationship world behind. I could also write a book about how some people can be happy and thrive on their own.
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Oh, my you sound like a copy of me.
I hope you pm me asap.
A book is exactly what my mother said to me That I could write.
She never seemed to be therr for me since she was booked up with sisters and brother oh he ran away......yikes there is a book for sure. I am happy that I read your post for its been a narrow road for me to continue onward alone without the comfort of a human heart around. 7 years is a long road to travel too long.
Not, for anything, except your warmth.
 
Ruthanne said:
I do need some uplifting and not so much negativity. Thanks.
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You've found it. Your friends here will offer support and sympathy. Believe me, that's a start. This, so called friend, is the problem not the solution. You don't have to let go, but if you don't make the first contact, the text message, the e-mail and (guess whose showing his age?) the letter and he doesn't respond, then simply let him go. If he misses you enough, you can be sure he will pester you until you respond. But, and sadly I think it will be so, if he ignores you, well at least you know where you stand.

You rock dear lady, now all you have to, is find that someone special that appreciates you.
 
Wren said:
Maybe when younger but I wouldn’t bother with anybody like that, I can see how draining it would be, sounds like you’ve been more than patient Ruthanne, what’s in it for you ?

I would continue to distance myself, you deserve better x
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She desires a replacement
Where do you go for replacements wish there was a department for that
Big business in that for sure. These dating sites do not care enough to grow this well needed item which would make a lot of people happier. Yet we sit on our bums N feel lost for some are human beings that need to give love and receive it by one's that took a class in how to love. How about this type of business that was in England long ago.
Searching not online dating disaster women I read were being raped in their own places.
 

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