Have you joined any widows groups and were you a good fit.

V

Veronica

Head Shenanigator
Location
Midwest
Maybe its just me. I tried a few and Im feeling like a square peg. Everyone talks about how sad and lonely they are. They cant sleep and theyre not eating. Sometimes I get a little bored but otherwise Im fine. Im eating okay. Im sleeping okay when I finally go to bed. Truthfully sometimes Im like an unsupervised teenager. I stay up till 3am and party on the internet. :D
 

I thought about it but it just seemed so depressing to me and I had enough of that without adding more. I did go to some and read some of the posts but I never joined and I stopped going to them and that was a big help. I had my family and friends so that was enough for me. Also, I found this forum and it helped so much. So, no, it wasn't just you.
 
No and I won’t. Not only for the reasons already mentioned, but I have zip, zero, nada in common with the people.

Gardening, bingo and “long walks on beaches” are not my thing. I am still a good driver and can still keep the one ton dually between the lines. However cataract surgery has dimmed my judgement pulling my 4-horse stock horse trailer. If I could still ride and if I trusted myself to pull the trailer, I would still be loading up and heading to the trails.

My horses are my thing and after 60+ years of ownership they are still keeping me sane. The horse forum I have belonged to for 16 years is full of like minded folks. Just as folks on this forum have, many of us old time horse folks have grown old together on the forum, yet never met in person.

I have lost my son & a husband, but no bereavement forums for me —- too much whining & depression. If they work for some, I am all for them🤠🤠
 

AprilSun said:
I thought about it but it just seemed so depressing to me and I had enough of that without adding more. I did go to some and read some of the posts but I never joined and I stopped going to them and that was a big help. I had my family and friends so that was enough for me. Also, I found this forum and it helped so much. So, no, it wasn't just you.
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Im glad its not just me. Didnt want to say they were depressing and whiney. Didnt want to get accused of widow bashing but yes they were. Seemed like contest to see who was the most aggrieved.
 
Imogene said:
No and I won’t. Not only for the reasons already mentioned, but I have zip, zero, nada in common with the people.

Gardening, bingo and “long walks on beaches” are not my thing. I am still a good driver and can still keep the one ton dually between the lines. However cataract surgery has dimmed my judgement pulling my 4-horse stock horse trailer. If I could still ride and if I trusted myself to pull the trailer, I would still be loading up and heading to the trails.

My horses are my thing and after 60+ years of ownership they are still keeping me sane. The horse forum I have belonged to for 16 years is full of like minded folks. Just as folks on this forum have, many of us old time horse folks have grown old together on the forum, yet never met in person.

I have lost my son & a husband, but no bereavement forums for me —- too much whining & depression. If they work for some, I am all for them🤠🤠
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Im into gardening and DIY. Bingo and long walks on the beach are not my things either. I couldnt pull a trailor to save my life. Heck I cant even maneuver my Woods cart with the lawn tractor.

I joined because I thought I should. Its just me. Only child. No kids. Ive outlived all my friends and relatives and my husband. I know I should mingle IRL but it just seems like work. I think Im turning feral. :D
 
@Veronica I don’t garden because I kill things - I have killed chia pets🙄🙄

Many years ago my son’s father announced he was tired of hauling my son and I to 4-H events and I either learned to pull the stock trailer myself or sit home.

His only instructions were to remember left is right and right is left. Over time, I got good enough that I moved my horses 2,100 miles across the U.S. twice. I’m a train wreck backing the dump cart into the barn with the 4-wheeler so don’t feel bad about your woods cart —- it isn’t you, it’s the very short tongue on your lawn tractor 🤠

I’ll bet you’re a great cook and/or baker. Don’t ask me for anything beyond breakfast unless it’s in a box in the freezer🙄🙄
 
I attempted joining a widow/widower support group a few months after my husband's death. Listening to everyone else's experiences over and over again left me exhausted, and I cried the entire way home. I hung in there for about four months but dreaded going. Aside from being widowed, I had little in common with the other people there. I kept asking myself, "What are you doing here?" It was a dismal failure, far more depressing than beneficial. It just didn't work for me. I managed better on my own.
 
Imogene said:
@Veronica I don’t garden because I kill things - I have killed chia pets🙄🙄

Many years ago my son’s father announced he was tired of hauling my son and I to 4-H events and I either learned to pull the stock trailer myself or sit home.

His only instructions were to remember left is right and right is left. Over time, I got good enough that I moved my horses 2,100 miles across the U.S. twice. I’m a train wreck backing the dump cart into the barn with the 4-wheeler so don’t feel bad about your woods cart —- it isn’t you, it’s the very short tongue on your lawn tractor 🤠

I’ll bet you’re a great cook and/or baker. Don’t ask me for anything beyond breakfast unless it’s in a box in the freezer🙄🙄
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Thats okay. I kill all houseplants. Outside ones are natives and xeric. The fussy ones dont make it. :D

Long time ago the husband and I used to do out of state shows. I had no desire to mess with that trailor. You know once you do something it becomes your job. Nope.

Im not a gourmet but I can cook. When Im in the mood. :D Now baking Im always in the mood but Ive had to cut back due to the expansion of my fat azz. Now I just do holidays. Christmas is coming. Im making a list. :D
 
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HermitHogan said:
No, I've never fit in anywhere. But at least in SF I have some things in common with others, such as our age.
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Ive always been an odd duck too. After thinking about it I realized I wouldnt have had anything in common with those people before I became a widow so I dont know what possesed me to think I would now. And at 74 &11/12 Ive become even worse. If thats possible. :D

Im a fixer so I was thinking I needed "fixed" cause I was alone and not mingling. Maybe Im just not a mingler. Truthfully Im comfortable alone. Sometimes I feel chatty so here I be. Theres always someone online even at 3 am. :D
 
@Imogene. Heres some non baking deserts for you. Mix one tub of Cool whip and one can of pie filling. I like lemon and cherry the best. If you want to be fancy, crush purchased sugar cookies in a glass and add mix on top. Ive done lemon with sugar cookies and sliced strawberry flowers on top. Presentation is everything. :D

If youre dieting. Mix one 15 oz can pumpkin (not pie filling) and one box sugar free Jello cheesecake flavor. Add one tsp pumpkin pie spice and mix.
 
Three Women Built A $1.2 Million Home For Communal Living As A Solution To Growing Old Together

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/three-women-built-1-2-190018676.html

I had previously thought about creating a thread about older widowed or divorced senior women considering creating communal living arrangements. However it isn't something I lacking marriage experience in can lead a discussion in and others may dislike even bringing the subject up. Another way our society deals with the below issues are with assisted living facilities and independent living facilities. However they are usually rather expensive requiring paid employees and are a paid service to enter thus not group participation selective.

This is an issue because after aging women lose a level of physical attractiveness to men in terms of marriage, many sadly given our Western culture are not likely to ever marry again. Although it is true, some men especially widowers who had experience living with an older wife might find matching up with a senior woman fine, other men, especially those more individualistic, financially capable, and mate-wise visually oriented may not, especially in this telecom era.

By living as a group, socially oriented senior women of lower economic means, would potentially be better able to help each other as well as provide an interesting social environment. Key might be to do so among compatible others that might mean similar religious beliefs, lack of substance abuse issues, and lack of health issues that would overburden a group.

Same thing might work with groups of some senior men with similar interests. However I would expect getting a few unrelated men to live together would be more likely to cause eventual issues.
 
David777 said:
This is an issue because after aging women lose a level of physical attractiveness to men in terms of marriage, many sadly given our Western culture are not likely to ever marry again. Although it is true, some men especially widowers who had experience living with an older wife might find matching up with a senior woman fine, other men, especially those more individualistic, financially capable, and mate-wise visually oriented may not, especially in this telecom era.
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Jesus Saves
 
Hi, Veronica, welcome. I became a widow in 2019, I joined a grief support group (at our library) briefly, I felt it did nothing in my desire to move on. In 2016 I had joined THIS group..so I was well established here when my husband died. I found the folks here a great support, and much better than a group that dealt with grief only.
It made it much easier with my desire to move on with my life, and I am still here almost 10 years after joining
 
I joined WAYUP, which is a UK organisation, when I was widowed in 2016, after it was recommended by a friend. I found it very useful for quite a while. In the early days of grieving it provided others who were going through the same thing to talk to.

Then I used it to find people to go sailing and on other holidays with, many of whom I am still in touch with. One of the things I liked was the fact that we felt free to laugh when we were together; I sometimes felt with other people that I shouldn't be having fun after losing my husband but we were all in the same boat and could relax both about talking about our feelings and about finding things funny.

A couple of years on several people I met through WAYUP went on to find new partners and, with their encouragement, I tried online dating. Two years ago I met a lovely man who has brought immense happiness into my life.

I am no longer a member. I gave up on the emotional support side of the group a long time ago. I wanted to move forward and found reading the posts brought me down, and I didn't think I was the right sort of person to offer support to others. But I would certainly recommend it to those newly widowed.
 
Veronica said:
I belonged to to one shortly after I lost my husband. We went to lunch once a month and occasionally planned a sight seeing trip. It was a good way to get out and stay connected. We respected the difficult aspects of loss but didn't dwell on them. They are all gone now.
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Mine was not a "grief group". It was more like "now that you have nobody to go out to dinner with why don't you join us?"
Some years later we added divorced women and a few other lone soles.
 
Bella said:
I attempted joining a widow/widower support group a few months after my husband's death. Listening to everyone else's experiences over and over again left me exhausted, and I cried the entire way home. I hung in there for about four months but dreaded going. Aside from being widowed, I had little in common with the other people there. I kept asking myself, "What are you doing here?" It was a dismal failure, far more depressing than beneficial. It just didn't work for me. I managed better on my own.
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I joined a Support Group after my husband passed. It was a 6-wk program.
I did not enter with expectation of making friends, but to get through my grieving pains.
It did help a little, but it was not enough. The pain of loss was still too raw, so I got myself a therapist as well.
___As days/months went by, the pain lessened.

A yr later, I knew I had to get away from my surroundings and make friends, I joined a Widow's Social Group.
The standing rule was: This is Not a Grief Support Group.
This group was about socializing with others, in the same situation, and having a bit of fun. We played cards, and dinner meetups.
This group was great! We were all understanding of each other. It rescued me from a pluming death slump, until I was able to find a job. Basically, it saved me.

I did not make friends from either group, but it both groups helped, in their own way.
 

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