Have you turned into your parents?

No. My parents taught me what type of person NOT to be by their bad example.
My mother was an abusive raging witch & also an ignorant racist. I didn't know her parents, but she probably carried on whatever they instilled in her. My father was so desperate to keep his wife, he let her do anything she wanted - including abusing their kids.
Unfortunately, my brother & sister chose to take on some of our parents' traits - which is why I have little respect for them.
I also have a half sister from my mother's first (arranged) marriage. My mother abandoned her in Israel when she was 5 months old. She was raised by a different family, so she became a decent person.
 

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Gary O' said:
I'd like to think I'm the new improved version of my dad

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but

day's not over yet

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Is that you and him with *boxing gloves*?

Cripes! My dad this with me too! Right now, this very moment, I can see it in my mind's eye, him pretending that I had really walloped him! It was way before my brother, so this puts it at about 3 or so.

Wow!

What a neat guy!!!
 
Pinky said:
Mom was a sweet lady, trusting everyone, naive to a fault. How I miss her so.
Dad, who I now understand, most likely suffered from PTSD, was either tyrannical or thoughtful (giving me
my first watch when I started Junior High .. a transistor radio when I turned 13).

I'd like to think I have the best of their good qualities.
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Man, I really liked my parents. Can really respect what they did.
 

Whenever I was behaving badly - nagging, being negative, complaining excessively, whining - my husband would say, "You're starting to remind me of your mother" and that was all it took to make me examine my behavior and, usually, apologize and make a real effort to change.
 
I'm a storyteller just like Papa and I've inherited his sense of humour and thanks to his cooking skills that he showed me, according to hubby and munchkins I'm good at cooking, baking and the likes.

When it comes to Mother, I'm the complete opposite. I've never received love just the put downs constantly. For years... You know the words in the film, "Pretty Woman" ...

"People put you down and you begin to believe it!"

Well, hubby was my saviour, in the sense that he took me out of that mentality. Made me realise my self worth and I was able to get my self-esteem back.

So it's a half on my father's side!
 
No. Not in the slightest, although my dad was an honest, hard working, truly decent man. I wish I could say I am like him, but I am still working on it.
My mom was a beautiful blond, outwardly happy and fun, but lots of unhappiness she couldn't seem to cope with. Also, book smart but a complete ditzo. That's definitely not me. Give me a dilemma, I will work on it until I solve the problem. I'm too level headed for my own good at times.;)
 
I guess I can say that yes, at this point, I have become like my mother. She was also widowed young, younger than I was. She remarried, good man to her girls, found out later not so good to her. Physical abuse. Of course, being the woman she was, she filed for divorce.

I am like my mother in the fact that we were/are alone at an early age. We both were always hard workers, in the home and in employment. My Dad, died when I was three of a heart attack, 36 years of age, so I don't know what I got from him but DNA. He came from nothing, joined the air force, lived all over the world, his eduction was included. He provided for my Mom and his girls even after his death. Veterans benefits, died in service, meant care for us, medical and education. She had a short break in widow benefits but when she divorced my stepdad, she received those back and had them until her death. In that regard, my husband was an employee of the USPS. That removed a lot of worry for me. I was entitled to receive health insurance for life at a federal rate and receive a pension based on his years off service.

She, I would say had much more strength, courage than I could ever dream of. I will not go into all the details but she was incredible, she over came so many obstacles in her life, all the way from childhood.

I don't think being like a parent is a bad thing, most of my good traits I learned from her. That just because I am a girl/woman doesn't mean I can't do something. It might be hard but I/you can do it. So I have, followed her example, you don't know until you try, then you can ask for help. Do as much as you can in any situation. It will only serve you well in the future.
 
Blessed said:
I guess I can say that yes, at this point, I have become like my mother. She was also widowed young, younger than I was. She remarried, good man to her girls, found out later not so good to her. Physical abuse. Of course, being the woman she was, she filed for divorce.

I am like my mother in the fact that we were/are alone at an early age. We both were always hard workers, in the home and in employment. My Dad, died when I was three of a heart attack, 36 years of age, so I don't know what I got from him but DNA. He came from nothing, joined the air force, lived all over the world, his eduction was included. He provided for my Mom and his girls even after his death. Veterans benefits, died in service, meant care for us, medical and education. She had a short break in widow benefits but when she divorced my stepdad, she received those back and had them until her death. In that regard, my husband was an employee of the USPS. That removed a lot of worry for me. I was entitled to receive health insurance for life at a federal rate and receive a pension based on his years off service.

She, I would say had much more strength, courage than I could ever dream of. I will not go into all the details but she was incredible, she over came so many obstacles in her life, all the way from childhood.

I don't think being like a parent is a bad thing, most of my good traits I learned from her. That just because I am a girl/woman doesn't mean I can't do something. It might be hard but I/you can do it. So I have, followed her example, you don't know until you try, then you can ask for help. Do as much as you can in any situation. It will only serve you well in the future.
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I'm sorry to her about physical abuse.

Here's an interesting observation, to me at least. I suspect that some couples actually communicate with physical stuff. It is wringing its way out of the species, though, by evolution.

So you can have a mismatch of two people: one for whom this physical stuff is natural, the other for whom it s not.

Now. not to get on a high horse, I'm so much bigger than most of my girlfriends/wives that to me it would be like being the worst kind of bully. It would belittle both them and me.

Although oddly enough my first wife told me to hit her, and the best I could do was push her. For christ's sake; I weighed 100lb more. That's just ugly.

My mom, too, really ground it out after my dad died. She was really positive and tough.
 
In some ways, yeap, n' in other ways, neap.

(for those of yinzes wot don't understand Teejayese ... yeap means "yes", neap is "no", n' translates to "and", wot is "what" o' curse ... yinzes is "y'all", n' the plural of "yinz" ... which also means, "y'all" ... ) ;)
 
My Grandma was from Lviv and it wasn't until the current events that I understood her quiet strength...lived long enough to bury three of her four kids. I can't match her character but she did set high bar for me. She loved to watch Julia Child after she retired and we both have a love of cooking. Sometimes, I watch Julia's reruns and can feel her sitting next to me.
Lost Dad when I was four and if I find myself behaving like mommy dearest...I fight it with all my strength to keep from becoming like her.
 
Sawfish said:
I'm sorry to her about physical abuse.

Here's an interesting observation, to me at least. I suspect that some couples actually communicate with physical stuff. It is wringing its way out of the species, though, by evolution.

So you can have a mismatch of two people: one for whom this physical stuff is natural, the other for whom it s not.

Now. not to get on a high horse, I'm so much bigger than most of my girlfriends/wives that to me it would be like being the worst kind of bully. It would belittle both them and me.

Although oddly enough my first wife told me to hit her, and the best I could do was push her. For christ's sake; I weighed 100lb more. That's just ugly.

My mom, too, really ground it out after my dad died. She was really positive and tough.
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I can't wrap my head around the physical violence was a way of communication. What does slamming your partners head in the door of a fridge or freezer in the middle of the night mean. He would go out and be playing poker, playing dominos and drinking. Would come home hungry, drag her out of bed demanding to be fed. Well, she was there, at home the whole time, cooking dinner, bathing, reading to four kids, her two girls, his two boys.

Your first wive, must have had issues, she must have grown up in a household that accepted that behavior. She, was taught by her mother that this is how a man should treat a woman, just so she would know she was loved. If he cares enough to hit you he must love you .That it is normal. I call Bullcrap!!
 
Blessed said:
I can't wrap my head around the physical violence was a way of communication. What does slamming your partners head in the door of a fridge or freezer in the middle of the night mean. He would go out and be playing poker, playing dominos and drinking. Would come home hungry, drag her out of bed demanding to be fed. Well, she was there, at home the whole time, cooking dinner, bathing, reading to four kids, her two girls, his two boys.

Your first wive, must have had issues, she must have grown up in a household that accepted that behavior. She, was taught by her mother that this is how a man should treat a woman, just so she would know she was loved. If he cares enough to hit you he must love you .That it is normal. I call Bullcrap!!
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OK, let's not define it by extremes.

How about this:


and


To me this makes no sense whatsoever, but my experience with my 1st wife hints at this sort of stuff.

No "must have". No such. Her father was a really decent guy, much better than me. I knew him fr 15+ years. Your assumptions are not accurate in this case. Her mom *sat* on her dad. One wife, two daughters, and he was an only son, youngest of 5 kids. Not like me in many ways.

My 1st wife simply liked very physical stuff. I mean, she was an enthusiast. Go figger.

I like the way it plays out with my current wife. None of that. It feels right.
 
Sawfish said:
OK, let's not define it by extremes.

How about this:


and


To me this makes no sense whatsoever, but my experience with my 1st wife hints at this sort of stuff.

No "must have". No such. Her father was a really decent guy, much better than me. I knew him fr 15+ years. Your assumptions are not accurate in this case. Her mom *sat* on her dad. One wife, two daughters, and he was an only son, youngest of 5 kids. Not like me in many ways.

My 1st wife simply liked very physical stuff. I mean, she was an enthusiast. Go figger.

I like the way it plays out with my current wife. None of that. It feels right.
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Gosh, what do you want to me to say, we were a lower middle class family. You can't compare that to famous people with lots of money in this day and age. The whole thing is just stupid. My Mom did not call the cops because she had 4 little kids in the house. She had been through enough trauma, she did not want her or his kids to be exposed to any more trauma. (they had all lost their bio dad or mom) She took her time, continued to to take care of all the kids until she was in the position to leave and then did so.

Just so you know, after the divorce, one step brother went to prison for armed robbery, the other wound up homeless after their father died because he was/is on the spectrum. I loved my stepdad, he never hurt me, was kind to me. I still do not think his behavior was in his son's best interest. It all fell apart for them. On my side, the girls both married, had children, had men that worked hard, provided a home, food, education and devotion to their family. So, no I don't get your point.

Famous people, people that think they can get away with bad conduct often do so because they think there is no one looking. If they are caught they think they can just buy their way out of it. Is it that if you have money, you can do what you want and then plead your case in public opinion on both sides.

I guess the last question should be, if you have children and grandchildren what do you expect for them, how do you want them to conduct themselves?
 
Blessed said:
Gosh, what do you want to me to say, we were a lower middle class family. You can't compare that to famous people with lots of money in this day and age. The whole thing is just stupid. My Mom did not call the cops because she had 4 little kids in the house. She had been through enough trauma, she did not want her or his kids to be exposed to any more trauma. (they had all lost their bio dad or mom) She took her time, continued to to take care of all the kids until she was in the position to leave and then did so.

Just so you know, after the divorce, one step brother went to prison for armed robbery, the other wound up homeless after their father died because he was/is on the spectrum. I loved my stepdad, he never hurt me, was kind to me. I still do not think his behavior was in his son's best interest. It all fell apart for them. On my side, the girls both married, had children, had men that worked hard, provided a home, food, education and devotion to their family. So, no I don't get your point.

Famous people, people that think they can get away with bad conduct often do so because they think there is no one looking. If they are caught they think they can just buy their way out of it. Is it that if you have money, you can do what you want and then plead your case in public opinion on both sides.

I guess the last question should be, if you have children and grandchildren what do you expect for them, how do you want them to conduct themselves?
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OK, no meanness here. I blundered into deep water, and I apologize.

But it's not a money thing; some people (not in your case), are really physical and they get off on it.
 

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