Help! I need help with a narcissistic ex.

VintageBetter said:
Hi,
I woudl suggest you start looking up self-help legal services in your area. Some Senior Centers also have legal aid. You can also go here:

Protective Order: Fact Sheet

If it is all too frightening for you, hire a paralegal to fill it out for you. To find one just search for “Paralegal services” in your city.

The reason you should do this is because you need to have a RECORD for POLICE and the COURT of how many times he violates it. Even if the court does not grant it due to lack of evidence, the fact that he bothers you enough that you asked the court for an Order of Protection is MEANINGFUL to the court.

IMO, and this is just my opinion, there is a great deal of bias against females among police and in the court system. Why? I don’t know! Maybe they think all women have guns so what is the problem here? But I don’t have a gun and I’ll bet you don’t either, so we expect the police and courts to protect us in lieu of a gun.

Anyway, You must file for a Restraining Order. Get his actions on the record. No one else is apparently going to help you, are they? So you have to become your only advocate.

The most terrifying things about narcissists is that they never think they are wrong. They can always justify their behavior. Even if they kill their “loved one” they will claim, “It was for her own good.”

That’s the worst kind of evil, you know? The evil pretending to be good.
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I have served him a tresspass and am divorced and living in a senior independent living apartment. I am also going to therapy for help in this area. This therapy helps me in the mental health arena and help me deal with a person of this sort and know how to stay calm and not fire back-that only feeds them. Staying calm, dealing with the situation the legal way and walking away is the best way, and for me.
 

Mr. Ed said:
Sounds like you are scolding her, perhaps you mean well but teller her she is poor judge of character does not help.
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To begin with, narcissistic people put on a very good front. Then after awhile, you begin questioning what is going on and why and hopefully you find out and get out before it is too late.
 
VintageBetter said:
I agree. The advice of, “Try to ignore him” and forget about it - I disagree. He has started this war. He has started it, cannot stop, it, refuses to get therapy, right?

So you have to document it. It’s exhausting and depressing as hell because you want him to disappear, but you have to document it for the police.

The really horrible thing about our system of justice is that he cannot be ordered into therapy or be put in prison until he actually hurts you. That’s messed up. He has to leave you with bruises or broken bones before the courts will order him to therapy or jail.

You know, people think women are so murderous if we say about a narcissistic ex, “I wish he was dead!”, but truly, what hope of him leaving us alone forever does the legal system offer? None at all.

We just want freedom. We don’t want Mr. Mistake(s) to follow us for all eternity. That is not murderous at all. That’s a basic human right.
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Well, I am doing all I can do legally, filing all the petitions necessary and then I do my part. I also know that eventually he will stop, if he doesn't just go away-which would be nice too. I mean to go live somewhere else. But, the reality is, I will do all I can do and that is it.
 
gruntlabor said:
I disagree. Do not encourage him by communicating with him.
Soon, hopefully, another potential mate will wander into the picture and you will be forgotten. Meanwhile I wish you could get away from it all.
I'm a little worried about your car being damaged or sabotaged. At least get cameras, get a restraining order! Don't mess around with this.
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Where I live, there are cameras watching the parking area and they do watch him. I am doing all I can legally and personally. God is with me.
 
fanci, I don’t know what kind of phone you have. This is a recent write-up from KimKomando.com or her newsletter.

Apple and Google are teaming up to inform you of unwanted AirTags and other Bluetooth tracking devices nearby. What took them so long?

The tech rivals want to make unwanted tracking detection an industry standard. This way, all Bluetooth trackers will be compatible with tracking detection and alerts on iOS and Android devices.


Other manufacturers of trackers like Samsung, Tile, Chipolo, eufy Security and Pebblebee are on board with the proposal.


Tag, you’re it


Anyone can place a tracking device in your pocket or purse to track you. Think stalkers or jealous exes. Crooks even hide AirTags on cars to follow them to the owner’s home and steal the vehicle later. Sadly, such a useful little gadget can be used against us.


Find My limits


If you have an iPhone, it automatically tracks and alerts you about unknown AirTags and other trackers using the Find My network. But that feature doesn’t work on tracking devices that operate on other networks.


Apple introduced an app for Android phones that locates trackers compatible with Apple’s Find My network, but the problem with other networks remains.


Apple and Google’s proposal should solve these problems and standardize tracking alerts across the industry. These tech rivals rarely work together, but the safety risks have become too big to ignore.


RELATED: Your every move tracked: How to remove Apple and Google’s location data


Do this if you get an unwanted tracking alert on your iPhone:


Here’s what to do if you get an unwanted tracking alert on your iPhone:

  • Tap the message, then tap Continue.
  • Tap Play Sound if you need help finding the AirTag.
  • If you don’t know where the AirTag came from, tap Learn About This AirTag to see its serial number and whether or not it’s marked as lost.
  • If you find the AirTag on your vehicle or other property, tap Instructions to Disable AirTag and follow the onscreen steps to stop sharing your location.

It’s a bit more work if you have an Android


Apple’s Tracker Detect app for Android has its limits, but it works:


  • Download Tracker Detect here.
  • Open the app and tap Scan.
  • Tap on any tracker the app finds.
  • Tap Play Sound if you need help finding the AirTag.
  • Tap Learn More About This Item Tracker to see more information about it.
  • Tap Instructions to Disable to stop anyone from seeing its location.
A third-party option periodically scans your surroundings for AirTags or other Find My devdevices.


Download AirGuard here.


Check the app to see your status: No Risk is highlighted by a green card. This changes to red when you’re at High Risk due to a tracker being detected.


We tried out the app and it was able to detect both an AirTag and a Tile. We were able to make the AirTag chime from a Samsung phone.

The old-fashioned way


While Apple and Google are getting their act together, here are some tips to physically scan yourself and your car for trackers.


Check your pockets and bags when you go out. AirTags are tiny, so people can slip them into hidden crevices without you noticing.


Keep your purses, bookbags, luggage and laptop bags zipped up and close by.


Look over your car for hidden Bluetooth trackers under your vehicle or in the wheel wells. Check behind the license plates or anywhere someone can jam a tracker. Kim’s got five signs a hidden GPS tracker is on your car.
 
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