Help! I retired a year ago this month and the anxiety is worse than ever!

[Ruthanne]

Like diaphragmatic breathing? This could help.

I'm not sure about that one. I haven't searched for it on YouTube.

 

[David777]

Generally beyond the OP, there are many many that become retired seniors that have lived an adult life dedicated to whatever career whether they enjoyed such or not maybe just motivated for the income. Some of course were obsessive workaholics. Others just numbingly habituated for the week to week regularity, month after month, year after year. Decade after decades, but then it was gone. Now what?

That dinner every evening, reading the newspaper Comics and Sports sections, then a beer, while watching the boob tube week nights, then tv sports on weekends between usual domestic chores, and annual week long visit to parents (now in the clouds with a harp), once a decade to Disney with long gone kids, just doesn't fill all the time...does it? Can't spend your week days mowing the lawn, watching TV westerns for an hour, then driving over to Home Depot every day. Yeah NOW WHAT?

Sorry but no hobbies, no sporting pursuits, no book interests, no not much community except the wife and dog... retired = no more life. Well at least a video games addiction and Las Vegas may always be eager to see one's face.

 

[MR_Ritz]

Sorry but no hobbies, no sporting pursuits, no book interests, no not much community except the wife and dog... retired = no more life. Well at least a video games addiction and Las Vegas may always be eager to see one's face.

Well that's not very cheery
I have some hobbies....I just can't seem to get real interested in them again.

 

[Meanderer]

When you said "we" decided I could retire, I had the feeling that the decision was not yours. Since you have retired and moved away, all you can do is move along in your new life together the best that you can. You have to take ownership of the decision. There is no set time to adjust to your Retirement. Give it time.

 

[MR_Ritz]

When you said "we" decided I could retire, I had the feeling that the decision was not yours. Since you have retired and moved away, all you can do is move along in your new life together the best that you can. You have to take ownership of the decision. There is no set time to adjust to your Retirement. Give it time.

The decision was mutual. My wife told me I could retire. I had projects around the house that kept me busy for the 1st 8 months or so, but then I ran out of things to do (and money).

 

[VaughanJB]

Nope. Anxiety and depression come from our inherent "wiring", often, not due to negative thinking. This is a very stigmatizing POV.

To be fair, I think we need to remember that the umbrella term of "depression" isn't really fit for purpose. A level of depression and anxiety is a normal everyday part of the human experience. Everyone, at some point of another,m experiences it. Usually it's related to an event or happening, and it passes. Then there is what i call Clinical Depression, which has a whole other root cause. That can be, as you state, an inherent issue with the physiology and chemical make-up of our brains. There's nothing someone can do about that.

We should remember there is a difference, and that it's okay to allow people to feel down, and then to recover within medical intervention. It's just not what I'd usually mean when I use the word "depression".

 

[OlderThanDirt]

To be fair, I think we need to remember that the umbrella term of "depression" isn't really fit for purpose. A level of depression and anxiety is a normal everyday part of the human experience. Everyone, at some point of another,m experiences it. Usually it's related to an event or happening, and it passes. Then there is what i call Clinical Depression, which has a whole other root cause. That can be, as you state, an inherent issue with the physiology and chemical make-up of our brains. There's nothing someone can do about that.

We should remember there is a difference, and that it's okay to allow people to feel down, and then to recover within medical intervention. It's just not what I'd usually mean when I use the word "depression".

Well, yes, that's a good point. I guess I reacted to the old canard that positive thinking can cure depression- and when I think depression I tend to think clinical depression which is very different than situational depression, which is part of the normal ups and downs of life. I've been battling clinical depression since childhood and always felt like I was doing something wrong because I couldn't "think it away". If I had a nickel for every time I was told to practice positive thinking I would be a very rich woman- still depressed, but rich.

 

[VaughanJB]

If I had a nickel for every time I was told to practice positive thinking I would be a very rich woman- still depressed, but rich.

Frankly, whenever I hear someone saying something along these lines, my heart drops. It's a gross under-estimation of the problem for those in clinical depression.

 

[VintageBetter]

I agree with the others. You do have to grieve so it's OK to work with a counselor to do that. Everyone says we're supposed to be happy, just like so many people thought the Covid shut down was a great bit of time off, but I've never been happy about reducing my workload. I just had to. Everything hurt too much and that was making every day of work bad. End the day in a lot of pain, then sleep for 8 hours and get up and do another painful day of standing. It hurts!

AND, you do have to find a new purpose in life. I would like to volunteer at my grandson's school at least once a week. I keep asking and the young people keep forgetting to get me an application. I would like more grandchildren, but I don't get to be in charge of those decisions.

If you like kids, especially teens, you have had a lot of cool jobs and hobbies you can help teach them. Not a credentialed teacher, but a summer and winter camp worker if you have the energy, or volunteer to talk about flying at the local library. Many of them have teen programs, although they are often sparsely attended.

Many young guys are in despair these days, or so I have read. How many of them don't have a clue on how to get into flying, or RC toys, or how to become a machinist and will I like it? TONS. And GIRLS too - many girls like working with their hands and the only careers for them have been cooking and crafts. Girls can be machinists too.

In many cities they have homeless shelters just for teens and young adults. I'll bet they'd love to have you and your RC's there on a Friday or Saturday once a month giving a demo. Can do a demo with a white lecture board on what machining is too - just a 30 to 45 minute mini-lesson. (You can also look up how to make a mini-lesson online.)

You never know - you might save a homeless kid's life just by showing them a way up and out that doesn't involve 4-5 long years of college at $10,000 to $20,000 a year.

If you want to reach them, you have to get on Instagram. Don't join TikTok - I don't think that one is going to end well.

Just read some books on working with today's kids and teens first. They are not all like we were as teens - that was so long ago and we didn't have social media in our heads like they do.

 

[Debrah N.]

You did mention you have a history of anxiety & you are taking meds that need time to work. The why of your anxiety only you & your councilors know so offering any insight I can't do.

I don't want to add to your anxiety but you should check how long your 401K will last. When I was able to take mine the Fidelity advisor explained my 401K would be paid out in 15 years. It would be wise to check on how long your 401K will last if you start drawing on it now.

I'm not sure how your 401K's work but we're lucking in Canada. We have TFSA's. Tax Free Savings Account and we can invest inside those. That means that whatever income we earn from our savings, we can withdraw without paying any tax on it. Allowed to put $5500 a year into them when they started and now $7,000 we invest them into stocks or bonds or GIC's or dividend paying stocks. Then we can just withdraw the increase to add to our pension income. And when I withdraw money from my Registered Retirement Savings plan, I pay the lowest tax rate on it and the balance I just dump into my TFSA to be reinvested. I can foresee leaving our entire savings to our daughter when we're gone as a result.

 

[Debrah N.]

Well that's not very cheery
I have some hobbies....I just can't seem to get real interested in them again.

I used to have hobbies the entire time we worked. Always looked forward to retiring because 'then I'd have the time' to really get into them you know. Now I can't work up any enthusiasm for them so I know exactly what you're feeling.