Helpful People Melt Away

Here's the thing about helpful people melting away. It's their job to melt away so the bereaved can move back ahead with their lives.

I have sometimes needed people to be there for me, and enough folks showed up that I got pulled through.
I have also known people who needed someone and sometimes I've been that person. With the exception of immediate family, the ones I've helped and the ones who've helped me have never been the same people. The universe evens things out for us.

Some people get huge inheritances, others nothing. Some have masses of close relatives living nearby, others are estranged from their families. Some accumulate friends like flies to honey, others can't seem to figure out how to maintain a single friendship. Some are unlucky in employment, others have long-term jobs that fulfill them.

In life, nobody gets it all and virtually nobody gets completely shut out.

When acquaintances make offers to help during a time of difficulty or bereavement, they're nearly always sincere about lending a short-term hand. But they're not offering long-term support. More like if you ask, "Gee if you could bring me something to eat on Thursday that would be great - I can't seem to get it together with food right now." They'll be there on Thursday with a meal. Not every Thursday, mind you, but yes on that one Thursday.

If I'd asked my younger neighbors to go grocery shopping for me in late March, they would have done so joyfully and willingly. However, If I gave them a list every week over the past 4 months, they'd be making excuses and avoiding avoid me like the plague.
 
StarSong said:
Here's the thing about helpful people melting away. It's their job to melt away so the bereaved can move back ahead with their lives.

I have sometimes needed people to be there for me, and enough folks showed up that I got pulled through.
I have also known people who needed someone and sometimes I've been that person. With the exception of immediate family, the ones I've helped and the ones who've helped me have never been the same people. The universe evens things out for us.

Some people get huge inheritances, others nothing. Some have masses of close relatives living nearby, others are estranged from their families. Some accumulate friends like flies to honey, others can't seem to figure out how to maintain a single friendship. Some are unlucky in employment, others have long-term jobs that fulfill them.

In life, nobody gets it all and virtually nobody gets completely shut out.

When acquaintances make offers to help during a time of difficulty or bereavement, they're nearly always sincere about lending a short-term hand. But they're not offering long-term support. More like if you ask, "Gee if you could bring me something to eat on Thursday that would be great - I can't seem to get it together with food right now." They'll be there on Thursday with a meal. Not every Thursday, mind you, but yes on that one Thursday.

If I'd asked my younger neighbors to go grocery shopping for me in late March, they would have done so joyfully and willingly. However, If I gave them a list every week over the past 4 months, they'd be making excuses and avoiding avoid me like the plague.
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Maybe. If my neighbor would've needed my help with grocery getting...even though I don't like her...I still would help her with it. I wouldn't want to see her go out for groceries & get sick because no one would help her. But that's just me. Sometimes when you help people you can form friendships.
 
911 said:
I heard George Carlin talk about this one time. He said he met an old friend on the street who asked him, “How are you doing?” George said he went into this long winded explanation of what was going on with him (all made up, of course) and soon the guy was looking at his watch.

When George was done talking, the guy says, “Sorry to hear that, but I have to run. Call me and we can talk about it.”

Some people really are sincere when they tell a person if there’s anything that you need, just call me, but like your friend said, most are just being patronizing.
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I get that a lot. I usually just say doing ok now. Nobody gives a crap. They're all fine. I'm fine. Short & sweet. Pretense of caring. Hate that.
 
MarciKS said:
Maybe. If my neighbor would've needed my help with grocery getting...even though I don't like her...I still would help her with it. I wouldn't want to see her go out for groceries & get sick because no one would help her. But that's just me. Sometimes when you help people you can form friendships.
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I'm able bodied with no underlying heath issues, but in my 60s. Many local stores do grocery deliveries within 48 hours.
My point was that if I asked that of a neighbor I'd be over the line of what's appropriate or necessary.
 
StarSong said:
I'm able bodied with no underlying heath issues, but in my 60s. Many local stores do grocery deliveries within 48 hours.
My point was that if I asked that of a neighbor I'd be over the line of what's appropriate or necessary.
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Why?
 
debodun said:
How is it when you're undergoing bereavement, illness or other tough time people often say "If there's anything you need or I can do for you, just call." Then when you do, they are full of excuses why they can't help?
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I have yet to pay attention to kind offers, no matter the circumstance

I do thank them, but don't remember whatever kind gesture anyway.
Guess I don't log that kinda crap, to nail some poor soul later on, outa the blue

Don't recall ever saying 'If there's anything you need or I can do....'

My lady takes up the slack in that dept

Guess I'm delivering 55 gallons of water to an ol' gal in an off grid cabin a few miles up the path tomorrow

Guess I'm the counterbalance to those that offer then renege

I don't offer
I just do what's offered by my lady


Guess, the pendulum swings both ways....


debodun said:
How is it when you're undergoing bereavement
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Note to self......funerals...wakes.....are traps!
Say nothing
Look sad
Get the hell out!!
 
StarSong said:
Because I can do it for myself. Asking someone for help shopping once or twice is fine. Every week for four months or more would be extremely inappropriate - at least the way I was brought up.
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My neighbor is capable too but I'd still hate to see her have to chance it. I offered to help her but she wasn't interested. Maybe she feels the same way. I don't know.
 
LindaB said:
Me, too. I don't it out there if I don't intend to follow through.
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Well said, Linda.

My mom and dad taught us kids to never offer, and not to make promises to others, if you have no intentions on living up to, or following through with your promise.

So to this day I like my word to count, so when I say I'm going to do something or help someone, I do it, I'm there.
 
.. then there are people who take advantage, and push their limits.
I offered to help a couple, once .. and they really went too far with what they asked me to do.
After a few favours, I told them I couldn't help them every time they asked, and they were very rude - so, I never called them back again.
 
Pinky said:
.. then there are people who take advantage, and push their limits.
I offered to help a couple, once .. and they really went too far with what they asked me to do.
After a few favours, I told them I couldn't help them every time they asked, and they were very rude - so, I never called them back again.
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Unfortunately, there are those types, too.

You did exactly what I would have done.
 
MarciKS said:
Maybe. If my neighbor would've needed my help with grocery getting...even though I don't like her...I still would help her with it. I wouldn't want to see her go out for groceries & get sick because no one would help her. But that's just me. Sometimes when you help people you can form friendships.
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or if you lived in this neighborhood, helping people = getting taken advantage of. :(
 
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