He's 74 And Has All His Teeth

Lee

Lee

Senior Member
Location
Chatham, Ontario
Bet I got your attention with that heading eh? But really not trying to be funny, this is something that happened that has me upset.

I was outside doing yard work yesterday and a man stopped to talk.....nothing new in this neighborhood. After small talk he asked me about a sign I have out front. The sign reads our surname:

Rint_____mi's Rest Home
Paul & Lee

He knew I was widowed and said maybe I should take down the sign. I ignored that. And he told me that we had mutual friends here in the park. I made an excuse to go in and thought that was that.

Later the mutual friend called inviting me to dinner on Saturday, my radar was up and I asked who was going to be there. She said that it was a surprise, radar kicking into overtime at that point. And yes, it was the gentleman I had spoke too and I told my friend that I was not interested in him. She started to tell me about his good points including the fact that he is "74 and has all his teeth"

What do you all make of this, What is the proper mourning period these days. They used to say a year but times have changed, I know one lady was dating two weeks after burying her husband, and married again 3 months later.
 

I think some people need people to be connected or married to...some people feel that whoever they've lost cannot be replaced.. and some people run scared of any other commitment, feeling that being single is their preferred choice...it's all down to the individual. My father was on the hunt before my mother was cold..

Since my husband left almost 2 years ago now..I haven't looked at another guy ( not the same as a bereavement I know )

Personally from what you've told us here I'd stay clear of this guy. 2..reasons..One in his first conversation he wanted you to take down the sign with your husband's name on it..that's controlling.. and he doesn't even know you... and 2.. he was sneaky. If he'd wanted to ask you out he could have been straightforward about it, instead he got someone else to do it...

I would steer well clear of him !
 
Hollydolly, you said it very well and I totally agree with you, controlling and sneaky.
Even if you meet Mr. Wonderful, if your heart isn't ready to open to a new relationship, it won't work. It seems that guy is too busy fishing to be a good catch. Curious why the mutual friend isn't involved with him.
I was single for a long time so I suggest leaving the sign as is until you chose to take it down. Also, keeping the appearance of two people living at that address offers a little more security than letting the world know you are alone. That guy is emotional trespassing to say the least.
 
Lee said:
She is not involved with him as she is married to a great guy. What gets me is that about 6 months ago she was complaining about Mr. Teeth and how he never even visited his dying wife in the hospital. And now she wants me to get mixed up with him....no thank you.
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..OMG so he'd emotionally detached himself from his ailing wife, even before she was cold... nope , get those running shoes on Lee.. and keep going in the opposite direction
 
hollydolly said:
Personally from what you've told us here I'd stay clear of this guy. 2..reasons..One in his first conversation he wanted you to take down the sign with your husband's name on it..that's controlling.. and he doesn't even know you... and 2.. he was sneaky. If he'd wanted to ask you out he could have been straightforward about it, instead he got someone else to do it...
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Yes, this! ⬆️⬆️⬆️ what @hollydolly said. First of all, there is no "proper" mourning period. You'll know when (or if) you want to start getting serious about seeing someone. If it never happens, then that's what you knew was right for you. Same thing if it does. But this particular dude? Like Holly said, that sign issue would have been a huge red flag for me. Like what right does this virtual stranger have to even SAY that?! And then having someone arrange for you to get together sneakily like we used to do in high school? Just sounds weird to me. As for all his 🦷🦷🦷... I'm bettin' that's not even true. 🤭
 
I had many invitations immediately after my husband died; from people I didn't know.
I even had two different men actually as me to MARRY THEM! (one in the auto shop and one in the grocery store)
The both came up to me the same week and said the same thing! "Oh, I see you are not wearing a ring!
Does this mean you are not involved or married?" I was in a surreal daze! "WHAT?"
I had guys walking through my yard and when I asked what they were doing here, they asked me out to lunch!
(probably realtors!) My gate was closed. How did they even get in? "Are you kidding me?"

THE VERY LAST THING IN THE WORLD you want to do is go out and have a good time!
Tears constantly streaming down your face and "Oh! If you go out to lunch this will all go away!"
I refused all invites. It actually took years for me to be back to normal.
I guess people think if your husband dies you need a replacement real quick!
People mourn in all different ways. I thought I could bounce back because of my understanding
of death but no, It was DEVASTATING!

Sorry they are putting you through this @Lee! You need some time and some space!
 
Lee said:
What do you all make of this, What is the proper mourning period these days. They used to say a year but times have changed, I know one lady was dating two weeks after burying her husband, and married again 3 months later.
Click to expand...

What if "proper mourning period" has nothing to do with decision to not want to get involved with this guy?
Follow your own desires.
 
Lee said:
Bet I got your attention with that heading eh? But really not trying to be funny, this is something that happened that has me upset.

I was outside doing yard work yesterday and a man stopped to talk.....nothing new in this neighborhood. After small talk he asked me about a sign I have out front. The sign reads our surname:

Rint_____mi's Rest Home
Paul & Lee

He knew I was widowed and said maybe I should take down the sign. I ignored that. And he told me that we had mutual friends here in the park. I made an excuse to go in and thought that was that.

Later the mutual friend called inviting me to dinner on Saturday, my radar was up and I asked who was going to be there. She said that it was a surprise, radar kicking into overtime at that point. And yes, it was the gentleman I had spoke too and I told my friend that I was not interested in him. She started to tell me about his good points including the fact that he is "74 and has all his teeth"

What do you all make of this, What is the proper mourning period these days. They used to say a year but times have changed, I know one lady was dating two weeks after burying her husband, and married again 3 months later.
Click to expand...
There is no time limit on grieving Lee……you might not of even started grieving yet ….
so just go with your instincts ……
big hugssss lee……🤗🤗🤗
 
Lee said:
She is not involved with him as she is married to a great guy. What gets me is that about 6 months ago she was complaining about Mr. Teeth and how he never even visited his dying wife in the hospital. And now she wants me to get mixed up with him....no thank you.
Click to expand...
You don’t know , how his marriage was Lee….so don’t judge/him before you know !!
 
Re your actual question: For most things, it takes me 2 years to mourn or adjust to a major change. Everyone is different. My neighbor became a widow after decades of marriage, and had a new boyfriend within months.

In your case, if I were you, I'd stay away. Not only the man, but also the friend, seem to have an agenda that you don't want to be part of. Why even go there?
 
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