How do you react to unwanted gifts / gestures

How do you react to unwanted gifts / gestures​


StarSong said:
You can also have a talk with your friend saying that while you appreciate his gestures, you'd really prefer that he doesn't buy food, groceries or other little gifts for you anymore - his friendship is gift enough.
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Yeah, we've told pretty much everyone to save their money.
We've got too much stuff.
Their visit and friendship is their gift.

As far as food.......gimmee.
Wife will put it in her soup if nothing else.

Got some inedible cookies from a neighbor once.
The seagulls loved 'em
 

I like whisky (some more than others), but some friends have thought that if you like whisky, then you like all spirits. Not so. I've been given some awful spirits, like Bourbon and vodka. I've smiled and accepted these and thanked the giver. The vodka was raved about in ads., but I thought it was the most foul disgusting muck. I had great difficulty giving it away. Other small gifts have ended up in charity shops - well outside my local area.
 

Capt Lightning said:
I like whisky (some more than others), but some friends have thought that if you like whisky, then you like all spirits. Not so. I've been given some awful spirits, like Bourbon and vodka. I've smiled and accepted these and thanked the giver. The vodka was raved about in ads., but I thought it was the most foul disgusting muck. I had great difficulty giving it away. Other small gifts have ended up in charity shops - well outside my local area.
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I don't have trouble giving away alcoholic beverages. Between my thirty-something children and their friends, I can usually find someone who likes what I'm hoping to ditch.

Years ago my husband bought a sipping rum that came highly recommended. He took one sip and made a face. It sat in our liquor cabinet. Fast forward a few years... one of my sisters was visiting and mentioned that she had become fond of sipping rums. Turns out that the one DH hated was her favorite. She drank some during her week here and took the rest of the bottle with her. Win-win!
 
It's my belief that when people select a gift to give someone else, they subconsciously select something they would like to have themselves, not the recipient. That's why so many gifts are unappreciated.

My aunt sent me a bouquet of cut flowers for my birthday. Now I happen to think cut flowers are one of the biggest wastes of money there is, but I thanked her profusely - I know her heart is in the right place and I had dying flowers to look at for a week.

I tell people that my gift preference is that if I can't eat it or fold it up and put it in my wallet, don't bother.
 
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debodun said:
It's my belief that when people select a gift to give someone else, they subconsciously select something they would like to have themselves, not the recipient. That's why so many gifts are unappreciated.

My aunt sent me a bouquet of cut flowers for my birthday. Now I happen to think cut flowers are one of the biggest wastes of money there is, but I thanked her profusely - I know her heart is in the right place and I had dying flowers to look at for a week.
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I agree, I always make it clear to people I never want cut flowers as a gift. I have enough flowers in my own garden without people wasting good money on farmed flowers...

Equally as a Non drinker..I have no probs whatsoever re-gifting Alcohol...
 
I accept the gift graciously, and if it's something I would never use, I donate it to Goodwill. Fortunately, our family stopped gift-giving some time ago. We occasionally give gift-cards/cash for occasions such as a special birthday. With our daughter & SIL, for birthday/Xmas, we have wish lists. That way, no money is wasted, and the gifts appreciated.
 
With family members we've established that DH and I want only consumable gifts - no weird foods please - and nothing that adds to our collection of stuff, unless it's something we request.

Our kids give us gifts like creams and lotions DD knows I favor, gourmet coffee, excellent vegan ice cream and/or vegan cookies (from our vegan son & DIL), lovely jams, and so forth.

When throwing holiday parties, within the invitation I strongly request our guests to not bring anything. However, if they feel absolutely compelled to bring something, a basil plant (Trader Joe's always has nice ones), poinsettia, or a bottle of wine would be welcome.
 
My best friend’s biggest pleasure is giving a gift for any occasion. I just accept it and stick it in a drawer until I can donate it. A neighbour likes to give me her crocheted dish clothes. This is her hobby, so I’ll keep on accepting and donating. No big deal to be polite to people; I just grumble to my husband.

The one thing I absolutely hate is receiving cut flowers from dinner guests. It means I have to interrupt my dinner preparations, get a ladder to find a vase and prep the flowers. In some magazine article from years ago, I read that it was poor etiquette to bring flowers and I agree.
 
My BIL sends us a so called "care package" during the holidays. It is always a box of absolute junk, and rarely anything that we can use. For example, one year it contained two sets of wooden chopsticks. They live in Scotland, so the calendar is the most useless thing in the box since it starts the week on Monday and not Sunday as we are used to. I always wish to plead with them not to send the box because most of the items are just useless clutter. But hubby doesn't want to make them feel bad. Sigh.
 
Jace said:
Should it down to... " being grateful" that someone likes "us"enough
to give something?🤗
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That is one way to look at it, I guess! We don't express affection with "things," and it makes it a lot easier. Hubby knows that I don't expect him to make a fuss for my birthday or Valentine's day, etc, and vice versa. A simple acknowledgement and a kiss is fine with me.
 
While visiting me from another province, my mother took a little gift over to the grandson of one of her best friend’s from back home. She got a no thanks and the door shut in her face. She could have accepted it and made an excuse about being busy. Some people need to learn to be polite. IMO, there’s rarely an excuse for bad manners.
 
My in-laws were big gift givers. I wasn't used to this. My late husband told me "When someone gives you a gift, take it." I still have the stuff they gave me decades ago. Others have also given me gifts over the years, especially when we'd invite them over for dinner. I don't throw anything away (unless it's rotten or tastes bad!). I also don't give their gifts to others, because they might find out it was recycled, and that's very embarrassing. I've grown used to keeping gifts (embroidered pillows, ceramics, icons, paintings, vases, jewelry, dolls, etc). They have become a part of my house and who I am. Most importantly, they are a reminder of the people who gave them to me. Food gifts don't bother me because I could always say, "Thanks, I'm on a diet."

When I gave bags of fruit to my neighbors (from my fruit trees) each year, I would just stop by and give them to them - they were always accepting them. But now because of the covid, they're not as forthcoming and say they get their fruit from the market, lol. That's ok with me.

It's the thought that counts. :)
 
Jules said:
My best friend’s biggest pleasure is giving a gift for any occasion. I just accept it and stick it in a drawer until I can donate it. A neighbour likes to give me her crocheted dish clothes. This is her hobby, so I’ll keep on accepting and donating. No big deal to be polite to people; I just grumble to my husband.

The one thing I absolutely hate is receiving cut flowers from dinner guests. It means I have to interrupt my dinner preparations, get a ladder to find a vase and prep the flowers. In some magazine article from years ago, I read that it was poor etiquette to bring flowers and I agree.
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When someone brings me cut flowers I just point to the area where my vases are and say, "Thank you so much, they're beautiful! Would you mind putting them in a vase for me?"
 
When we got engaged, my SIL sent us two very ugly decorative dishes. It wasn't clear what they were to be used for, because they were too big to be candy dishes, but too small for serving food. I kept them because it was a gesture of affection and well wishing us on our marriage. Still, I wasn't too upset when one of them got broken!
 
Sometimes gifts are useless and thoughtless from family who should know better. Half hearted giving and they know it. Going through the motions for birthdays. I have got many. Clothes much too big and not even things I ask for. Almost better to get nothing?? Why be grateful.
 
Clothing as such a personal item - you'd have to know the right size and the preferred colors and styles the recipient would like.

When I was in high school, my best friend at the time was living with her aunt and they were very poor. When my birthday rolled around, she gave me a sleeveless white wool sweater. It was very nice, but just happened to be my friend's size, not mine. Also, I'm allergic to wool. My mom said they probably picked it out in my friend's size hoping I'd return it, but I never did. That poor sweather languished in my dresser for years.
 
A famous author once wrote about “the greed of giving” as a form of psychological manipulation intended to ingratiate the giver with the recipient, and possibly gain leverage over that person in the future. While this would be an extreme, there are gradations to giving and the appropriateness of it. I personally find that food gifts are the worst, especially those prepared in a kitchen of questionable cleanliness, or garnered as store-bought bargains.

I had a neighbor who would travel to far-flung outlets, returning to gift me with such uninvited delicacies as large bags of over-the-hill bagels and donuts, most of which I would have to trash. The poor soul meant well…but the streets of hell are paved with good intentions! 😈
 
Fyrefox said:
A famous author once wrote about “the greed of giving” as a form of psychological manipulation intended to ingratiate the giver with the recipient, and possibly gain leverage over that person in the future.
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I know someone who did this with her family members. Her inappropriate gifts boomeranged and cost her a number of relationships. She thought she was buying loyalty and preferential treatment but in actuality she created resentment and distance.
 

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