How is that our kids lose respect for us as we age?

I

IDKYou

New Member
I’m 57 years old and in my right mind. I have and do voice my opinions, but I sometimes feel like every time I try talking with my daughters about anything, they start yelling (talking loud is a form of yelling) and talking over me. I never get a chance to defend anything they’ve said. They say times have changed and I don’t know what I’m talking about. I grew up when our parents talked we listened……what happened?
 

Is it familiarity? Sometimes you need to show your authority. Not having any children it would be out of order for me to offer, or suggest, parental advice. What I have had though, is experience in assertion. My working life has been one of being the manager in charge, believe me, all the staff knew who was the boss and I never had to raise my voice.

Something that I learned from quite a young age, the stare and glare, get results. At one particular place there was a real loudmouth, a barrack room lawyer as we Brits describe that sort of person. By chance I overheard him talking to someone, "I effing hate the way he looks at me," he related to his listener. How I enjoyed an inward smile, I might even have punched the air. Oh yes, the glare stare can strip paint off the wall.
 
You're no longer speaking with adolescents, your daughters are grown adults with their own philosophies.

I haven't had an argument with either of my kids in many years. Once they moved out I stopped trying to influence them, I may offer an opinion but accept they won't agree. I also accept I won't agree with all their philosophies or actions.

The second a voice gets raised stop talking, say it's not something to argue about, then move on to something else.
 
IDKYou said:
I’m 57 years old and in my right mind. I have and do voice my opinions, but I sometimes feel like every time I try talking with my daughters about anything, they start yelling (talking loud is a form of yelling) and talking over me. I never get a chance to defend anything they’ve said. They say times have changed and I don’t know what I’m talking about. I grew up when our parents talked we listened……what happened?
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I know what you mean IDK….
8 yrs ago, I told my son, I had ,had enough of his attitude…..very rude boy , when married to a certain woman (showing off)
that was it….not heard from him since, and his wife told me not to communicate with any of them again..my grandson was 8 then !!
still it’s there conscience , I hope they can live with themselves …
 
Aspects of my childhood were micromanaged, and I was raised to be obedient. I never learned necessary skills like negotiation or standing up for myself.

I raised my daughter to be the opposite, mostly by letting her figure things out for herself. She's done well in life. Now she regards me as a flake and a loser. Compared to her, I am.

Fair enough, I guess.
 
IDKYou said:
I grew up when our parents talked we listened……what happened?
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That old "children should be seen and not heard" thing should have never been part of any society. All it did was
create a couple generations of really screwed up kids-turned-into-adults. I always made sure my daughter was
given the honor/respect of voicing what she felt and I didn't pull the "I'm right because I'm older" or the nasty ol'
"because I said so." (Not about normal obedience issues here... just things where she had a different opinion
on a topic we were discussing.)
 
CallMeKate said:
:( :cry::mad:😟🤗 Please don't talk about yourself this way. You are one of the voices of
reason here that I have come to respect in a very short time. I see no "flake" and no "loser"
in you at *all.* @NorthernLight
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Thank you. She has different values from mine, such as ideas about what one should accomplish by a certain age. I had a girly upbringing and approximately zero ambition. So I understand why she thinks as she does.

Part of it is family dynamic, and part of it is the generations we grew up in. Very few women her age aspire to be a housewife, as I did.

I think it can be the same for men too. An educated and successful young man with exciting hobbies might not understand why his father just drinks beer and watches TV.
 
IDKYou said:
I’m 57 years old and in my right mind. I have and do voice my opinions, but I sometimes feel like every time I try talking with my daughters about anything, they start yelling (talking loud is a form of yelling) and talking over me. I never get a chance to defend anything they’ve said. They say times have changed and I don’t know what I’m talking about. I grew up when our parents talked we listened……what happened?
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Part of the reason: back then there were not as many information sources as now, we HAD to listen to our parents in order to get a grasp of the world. I blame the internet, with it's instant [right or wrong] information availability.
 
I am sure this question has been asked from every past generation. When I hit a certain age I was very good at "listening" to my parents and dismissing what they said minutes later. Of course that changed when I got older and it dawned on me that perhaps their insight is valuable.
 
IDKYou said:
I’m 57 years old and in my right mind. I have and do voice my opinions, but I sometimes feel like every time I try talking with my daughters about anything, they start yelling (talking loud is a form of yelling) and talking over me. I never get a chance to defend anything they’ve said. They say times have changed and I don’t know what I’m talking about. I grew up when our parents talked we listened……what happened?
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They are being disrespectful. I would quietly tell them that is so.
 
The other part of the reason:
win231 said:
Sometimes it's the result of parents who didn't respect their kids as they were growing up.
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My dad raised me pretty much, he was blind so he was a stay-at-home dad. He treated me with respect, did not try to program me into some kind of robot in his graven image.
I respected my dad for that, I raised my son the same way, he respects me.
 
To add to Nathan's post: When our generation was young, most of us had "stay at home Mom's.

With today's life, most families need 2 incomes for basics and often the parents are too tired to spend quality time with the children. The children are "latch key" children and understandingly, the parents are too tired, worried and overworked.

eg: In the past, Moms are usually home after school with home made cookies and able to listen to their sons/daughters high and low points of the day. Today, the parents are too tire for the 5 minutes of "bonding"?
 
I will add one more thing though. While certain fundamental things do stay the same , times do change and situations do change with the times also. So while it is wrong for your daughter to talk over you while you are voicing your opinion do keep an open mind and understand that things might be different for her at 57 then they may have been for you when you were 57.
 
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I'm sure you have all seen the sign that says "Hire a teenager while they still know everything". Unfortunately there is no sign that says "your kid at 30 knows you are senile".
 
CallMeKate said:
That old "children should be seen and not heard" thing should have never been part of any society. All it did was
create a couple generations of really screwed up kids-turned-into-adults. I always made sure my daughter was
given the honor/respect of voicing what she felt and I didn't pull the "I'm right because I'm older" or the nasty ol'
"because I said so." (Not about normal obedience issues here... just things where she had a different opinion
on a topic we were discussing.)
Click to expand...
 

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