How much did you let cruel words affect you?

hollydolly said:
trouble is, finding a good councillor who doesn't charge the earth is almost impossible, and prevents people who are in the greatest need from receiving the help they so desperately require
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Agreed. I came across some bad councillors and it took me a couple of years to find one whom I considered adequate to the task of resurrecting me.
 

Gaer said:
People on this forum have called me horrible names, goaded me, written things to hurt or undermine my character. I look at them as if I were looking at a hurt puppy, feel sadness for them because they generally have terrible inside hurts which cause them to lash out at anyone. I can't help them or erase the things that made them be like this. I just feel sad for them.
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Maybe I've missed a lot of posts, but from what I've read here, you've always seemed like a gentle soul. Can't imagine why anyone would call you horrible names.
 
Colleen said:
My son, who's 47, has called me a "loser" and a terrible mother. Does that count as cruel words? It broke my heart and I cried about it for a long time. I beat myself up good over it and for years that stayed in my head. It's still there but I don't dwell on it any more.
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Yes. those were cruel words for sure. I wonder if he regrets those cruel words?
Do you still have a relationship with your son?
 
hollydolly said:
trouble is, finding a good councillor who doesn't charge the earth is almost impossible, and prevents people who are in the greatest need from receiving the help they so desperately require
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I was thinking of gong into clinical psychology at one point in my life (among other careers) and sat in therapy sessions to see how it was done. I decided against that career because I realized how much sadness and distress I would be exposed to on a daily basis. I knew I wasn't strong enough because I could easily feel the patient's pain. I could not handle that stress. Years later, after my husband died, I went into therapy. This time for myself. The problem with that, is that the counselor kept dealing into my childhood as if that would help me heal, but instead it opened up so many issues that had been buried, so that I would have knots in my stomach just talking about it. After so many months of that, I realized that I knew more about myself than I needed to, and I felt relieved in letting go of the therapist! Go figure.
 
palides2021 said:
I was thinking of gong into clinical psychology at one point in my life (among other careers) and sat in therapy sessions to see how it was done. I decided against that career because I realized how much sadness and distress I would be exposed to on a daily basis. I knew I wasn't strong enough because I could easily feel the patient's pain. I could not handle that stress. Years later, after my husband died, I went into therapy. This time for myself. The problem with that, is that the counselor kept dealing into my childhood as if that would help me heal, but instead it opened up so many issues that had been buried, so that I would have knots in my stomach just talking about it. After so many months of that, I realized that I knew more about myself than I needed to, and I felt relieved in letting go of the therapist! Go figure.
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OMG...I wont go into the reasons why, but I absolutely understand everything you've written here.. you're not alone in those thoughts...
 
palides2021 said:
I was thinking of gong into clinical psychology at one point in my life (among other careers) and sat in therapy sessions to see how it was done. I decided against that career because I realized how much sadness and distress I would be exposed to on a daily basis. I knew I wasn't strong enough because I could easily feel the patient's pain. I could not handle that stress. Years later, after my husband died, I went into therapy. This time for myself. The problem with that, is that the counselor kept dealing into my childhood as if that would help me heal, but instead it opened up so many issues that had been buried, so that I would have knots in my stomach just talking about it. After so many months of that, I realized that I knew more about myself than I needed to, and I felt relieved in letting go of the therapist! Go figure.
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I saw several therapists over a few years. Some were no good for me, some were okay and one was what I needed.
It got to the stage where I was able to stop therapy because over all those sessions I finally knew who I was and why I was who I was.
My last therapy session I told my therapist that I was "Al Therupped out" and can move forward with the knowledge that I was in fact a good person.
From that moment I was able to live my life how I wanted to. Not shackled tp my past.
 
palides2021 said:
I was thinking of gong into clinical psychology at one point in my life (among other careers) and sat in therapy sessions to see how it was done. I decided against that career because I realized how much sadness and distress I would be exposed to on a daily basis. I knew I wasn't strong enough because I could easily feel the patient's pain. I could not handle that stress. Years later, after my husband died, I went into therapy. This time for myself. The problem with that, is that the counselor kept dealing into my childhood as if that would help me heal, but instead it opened up so many issues that had been buried, so that I would have knots in my stomach just talking about it. After so many months of that, I realized that I knew more about myself than I needed to, and I felt relieved in letting go of the therapist! Go figure.
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When I was constantly bothered by memories of the horrific ways my first husband treated myself and my two children, i knew I had to get this out of my head! I got on the computer and wrote out everything. Stuck it in my file. Telling my children was not an option as it would hurt them too much. After I wrote these out and stuck them away, I had NO MORE recurring thoughts of him! it worked like magic!
I had to handle my husband's death all alone. But, I made it through! Back to myself!
Sorry you had to go through all that!
 
Gaer said:
When I was constantly bothered by memories of the horrific ways my first husband treated myself and my two children, i knew I had to get this out of my head! I got on the computer and wrote out everything. Stuck it in my file. Telling my children was not an option as it would hurt them too much. After I wrote these out and stuck them away, I had NO MORE recurring thoughts of him! it worked like magic!
I had to handle my husband's death all alone. But, I made it through! Back to myself!
Sorry you had to go through all that!
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Writing down what ever is in the head is a great way to get it out.
Not writing, then the thoughts go around and around, compounding each time.
I used this method as a self help mechanism.
I would pick up a pen and write. Did not have to think about what to write, Just wrote down what ever came out.
I wrote until there was nothing more to write. Then I threw away what I had written, without reading it.
Reading what was on the paper would have put it back in my head.
Very effective means to get rid of all those negative thoughts.
 
Bretrick said:
Writing down what ever is in the head is a great way to get it out.
Not writing, then the thoughts go around and around, compounding each time.
I used this method as a self help mechanism.
I would pick up a pen and write. Did not have to think about what to write, Just wrote down what ever came out.
I wrote until there was nothing more to write. Then I threw away what I had written, without reading it.
Reading what was on the paper would have put it back in my head.
Very effective means to get rid of all those negative thoughts.
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This is good advice. I have done that in the way of poems. They have been a good release for me.
 
Gaer said:
When I was constantly bothered by memories of the horrific ways my first husband treated myself and my two children, i knew I had to get this out of my head! I got on the computer and wrote out everything. Stuck it in my file. Telling my children was not an option as it would hurt them too much. After I wrote these out and stuck them away, I had NO MORE recurring thoughts of him! it worked like magic!
I had to handle my husband's death all alone. But, I made it through! Back to myself!
Sorry you had to go through all that!
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Thanks for the advice and kind words! I'm in a much better place now, like you. I have used my poems and creative juices to help the healing process.
 
Bretrick said:
Yes. those were cruel words for sure. I wonder if he regrets those cruel words?
Do you still have a relationship with your son?
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No. I totally severed the umbilical cord a year ago. There were other hurtful things he said to me also, but I won't go into it here. Let's just say, they were uncalled for and I didn't deserve to be disrespected. I'm 75 and time is too short to waste on him.
 
Gaer said:
When I was constantly bothered by memories of the horrific ways my first husband treated myself and my two children, i knew I had to get this out of my head! I got on the computer and wrote out everything. Stuck it in my file. Telling my children was not an option as it would hurt them too much. After I wrote these out and stuck them away, I had NO MORE recurring thoughts of him! it worked like magic!
I had to handle my husband's death all alone. But, I made it through! Back to myself!
Sorry you had to go through all that!
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Gaer, we can interpret a lot about people from their responses in this forum. My interpretation is that you are a good, spiritual, sensitive soul. Always so good to see your input here!
 
Colleen said:
No. I totally severed the umbilical cord a year ago. There were other hurtful things he said to me also, but I won't go into it here. Let's just say, they were uncalled for and I didn't deserve to be disrespected. I'm 75 and time is too short to waste on him.
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I don’t know, maybe when we reach a certain age some of our adult children go a bit wacky and think they need closure on stuff, say certain things, before our time runs out. When my daughter came out to visit in 2020 she insisted that I thought when she was a teenager that she was doing drugs and drinking.

She brought it up several times, till I finally “admitted” that yes, while I never thought she was doing drugs; I did think she drank with her friends. 😂😂😂. Only time I’ve ever lied to my daughter cause I, of course, never thought either.

My ”confession” seemed to bring her great happiness and closure. As she was right 😊. She assured me I was wrong. She NEVER drank as a teenager. I apologized for what I “thought” and all was well again between us. She was 48 at the time. So strange.

Had she called me names, accused me of other stuff, whatever. I am afraid I would have taken it and figured out a way to solve the issue and give her whatever closure she needed. Because my life is too short to not have contact with my adult children. I am 75 as well.

I do, however, feel differently about the adult grandchildren. I would not take a bit of crap from them, and they know it. But, I’ve never had any issues with them, 😂, they are too self centered to be concerned about grandma. I rarely see them.
 
Aneeda72 said:
they are too self centered to be concerned about grandma. I rarely see them.
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Awww...what a shame :( I think someday my son will regret his words and actions towards me...but maybe not. He thinks he's right and I can't change his mind no matter what I say, so I save myself the stress of trying to have a relationship with him by not communicating with him any more. I think we're both happier this way.
 
Sticks and stones.

Sure, harsh words from a love one can hurt. I try to surround myself with people of good character. If I have to deal with a jerk, I take a matter of fact approach, keep my voice low but firm, and let them make fools of themselves. It's amazing how many of these people will self-destruct on their own. Sad but true.
 


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