How much did you let cruel words affect you?

I never wallow in self-pity. But I am intrigued by the word "cruel" so I looked on the internet and these are the words to describe it :: atrocious, heartless, harsh, ruthless, inhuman, callous, cold-blooded, bitter, merciless, tyrannical, barbarous, vicious, evil, hateful, unkind, spiteful, brutal, painful, sadistic, wicked.

I see none of that on this forum, only a few silly comments in covid threads where people have a choice to venture in there or not.
 

Bretrick said:
My post about grammar was a generalisation of society.
At no time was I insulting members here.

As a Pedant I am easily riled by those in the community who have no idea about the correct use of Apostrophes.

I write from the heart and share my experiences, showing that past experiences can make one stronger and resilient.
As mentioned previously, my aim is not to denigrate anyone.
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Isn't that a rather judgemental and arrogant position to take? You can shut me out or put me on ignore, I'm fine with that. Just understand that the world does not revolve around your particular mindset. Maybe someone who is punctuation challenged nevertheless has something relevant to say.
 
Shero said:
I never wallow in self-pity. But I am intrigued by the word "cruel" so I looked on the internet and these are the words to describe it :: atrocious, heartless, harsh, ruthless, inhuman, callous, cold-blooded, bitter, merciless, tyrannical, barbarous, vicious, evil, hateful, unkind, spiteful, brutal, painful, sadistic, wicked.

I see none of that on this forum, only a few silly comments in covid threads where people have a choice to venture in there or not.
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I sometimes wallow, throw myself a self-pity party, nothing wrong in that and certainly a better alternative than the many other choices available in these troubled times.
 
Aneeda72 said:
I sometimes wallow, throw myself a self-pity party, nothing wrong in that and certainly a better alternative than the many other choices available in these troubled times.
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you are allowed lto "wallow" because you do have something to be sad about. I was merely mentioning silly things like "cruelty" on social media when we have the opportunity to remove ourseves from the offender by the click of a button :)
 
Shero said:
you are allowed lto "wallow" because you do have something to be sad about. I was merely mentioning silly things like "cruelty" on social media when we have the opportunity to remove ourseves from the offender by the click of a button :)
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Not everyone is able to dismiss hurtful words, even when they've been made by strangers on social media cyberspace.
 
Lawrence said:
Cruel words make me angry but I realize that verbal abuse is a form stress relief for the person who is the abuser. If I am really upset with the person who treated me bad I will cast a spell or put a curse on him. I have my Voodoo dolls that protect me from such people. I will reverse the bad joo joo and send it back to the person and then draw good energy out of him for my own use and also send my bad energy to that person. It has amazed me how well this works at times when I see the person having bad things happening to him then I might remove the curse.
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Is there an app for that? (Asking for a friend.)
 
Bretrick said:
Thank you. These days I have resilience and no matter what anyone was to say to me I can shrug it off.
My reason for posting these memories/experiences is to allow people who have had similar events happen to them to understand that we can take control of our lives. No one can denigrate us unless we allow it.
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My father used to say: "You might as well shoot a man as worry him to death", (and there's much truth in those words isn't there).
We can of course, all "lead with our chin" as it were, going out on a limb over something, where others fear to tread, and should expect some flack even from well meaning people. :)
 
I had a good relationship with my neighbors for years. Then all of a sudden they started to ignore me. I found out another neighbor had told them a lie about me. . After that I just avoided them. Then I bought a home near my daughter who lived in the suburbs. I didn't even tell the neighbors I was moving. Now the only cruel words that affect me are if they come from a loved one. No one else's view of me means anything to me.
 
Sassycakes said:
I had a good relationship with my neighbors for years. Then all of a sudden they started to ignore me. I found out another neighbor had told them a lie about me. . After that I just avoided them. Then I bought a home near my daughter who lived in the suburbs. I didn't even tell the neighbors I was moving. Now the only cruel words that affect me are if they come from a loved one. No one else's view of me means anything to me.
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I've learned that people who are willing to believe a lie about you aren't worth your continued friendship & it's no loss.
I've experienced that from a couple of family members (that I've been very generous to). I'll have nothing to do with them; they're now dead to me.
 
Sassycakes said:
I had a good relationship with my neighbors for years. Then all of a sudden they started to ignore me. I found out another neighbor had told them a lie about me. . After that I just avoided them. Then I bought a home near my daughter who lived in the suburbs. I didn't even tell the neighbors I was moving. Now the only cruel words that affect me are if they come from a loved one. No one else's view of me means anything to me.
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win231 said:
I've learned that people who are willing to believe a lie about you aren't worth your continued friendship & it's no loss.
I've experienced that from a couple of family members (that I've been very generous to). I'll have nothing to do with them; they're now dead to me.
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If I found out that someone believed a lie about me I'd set the record straight rather than encouraging the story to spread by remaining silent.
 
StarSong said:
If I found out that someone believed a lie about me I'd set the record straight rather than encouraging the story to spread by remaining silent.
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I did set the record straight first. But, to a paranoid put-down artist, it doesn't help; such people believe what they want to believe; especially if they're on antidepressants, which he is.
It did teach me a valuable lesson about generosity.
 
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I'm so sorry @Bretrick . Believe me, I understand. My mother could be a good mother but when she flipped she was insane. Horrible verbal, emotional and psychological abuse. I was also bullied in school and my mother isolated me which I realize now is diabolical. The first time I watched Mommy Dearest on TV was the first time I looked at anything that resembled my own mother's behavior. I didn't know until I was in my 40's that my mother was a borderline personality disorder. A therapist told me.

When I read that they believe childhood abuse may rewire the brain it made so much sense. It's like I can't change it anymore than I can unlearn to read.

I've had very little therapy. There is one YouTube channel I really like Patrick Teahan. He is a professional and an abused child himself. He really gets it.
 
Sassycakes said:
I had a good relationship with my neighbors for years. Then all of a sudden they started to ignore me. I found out another neighbor had told them a lie about me. . After that I just avoided them. Then I bought a home near my daughter who lived in the suburbs. I didn't even tell the neighbors I was moving. Now the only cruel words that affect me are if they come from a loved one. No one else's view of me means anything to me.
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I'm so sorry! I had the same thing happen to me when I owned that house I had. Those neighbors of yours were pathetic to just believe something. Something wrong with them if they couldn't talk to you and think for themselves.
 
Sassycakes said:
I had a good relationship with my neighbors for years. Then all of a sudden they started to ignore me. I found out another neighbor had told them a lie about me. . After that I just avoided them. Then I bought a home near my daughter who lived in the suburbs. I didn't even tell the neighbors I was moving. Now the only cruel words that affect me are if they come from a loved one. No one else's view of me means anything to me.
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I have a neighbor who talks sh*t about me and now my neighbors won't talk to me, but I kind of like it that way. It takes the pressure off. I no longer have to pretend to like to socialize and engage in idle chit-chat. I just ignore everyone. :)
 
Back to the topic, I let cruel words hurt me when I was a young child. We moved when I was 8 years old to a state where I had no friends. I was an overweight, effeminate child, and the local kids used to knock me off my bike and ask me if I was a boy or a girl. I went steady with a girl whose friends told she broke up with me because I was a "sissy and a queer". That hurt.

I eventually sucked it up, lost weight and became more masculine. In the gay community I am probably considered a "sellout" but it helped me get through life. Not something I am proud of in today's community where young gay youth are "out and proud", but it helped me survive.

Words can never hurt me now. I am a successful businessman who is married to my husband. We celebrated 30 years together in September. I am so much more than my sexual orientation. Cruel words will never hurt me again.
 
Remy said:
I'm so sorry @Bretrick . Believe me, I understand. My mother could be a good mother but when she flipped she was insane. Horrible verbal, emotional and psychological abuse. I was also bullied in school and my mother isolated me which I realize now is diabolical. The first time I watched Mommy Dearest on TV was the first time I looked at anything that resembled my own mother's behavior. I didn't know until I was in my 40's that my mother was a borderline personality disorder. A therapist told me.

When I read that they believe childhood abuse may rewire the brain it made so much sense. It's like I can't change it anymore than I can unlearn to read.

I've had very little therapy. There is one YouTube channel I really like Patrick Teahan. He is a professional and an abused child himself. He really gets it.
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Time does allow the experiences to lessen in their severity. We learn coping strategies and now I find my past, though it shaped me, no longer controls me.
 
dseag2 said:
Back to the topic, I let cruel words hurt me when I was a young child. We moved when I was 8 years old to a state where I had no friends. I was an overweight, effeminate child, and the local kids used to knock me off my bike and ask me if I was a boy or a girl. I went steady with a girl whose friends told she broke up with me because I was a "sissy and a queer". That hurt.

I eventually sucked it up, lost weight and became more masculine. In the gay community I am probably considered a "sellout" but it helped me get through life. Not something I am proud of in today's community where young gay youth are "out and proud", but it helped me survive.

Words can never hurt me now. I am a successful businessman who is married to my husband. We celebrated 30 years together in September. I am so much more than my sexual orientation. Cruel words will never hurt me again.
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Society can be cruel. Life becomes so much more enjoyable when we decide no words will knock us down.
Gives us the freedom everyone desires.
 
dseag2 said:
Back to the topic, I let cruel words hurt me when I was a young child. We moved when I was 8 years old to a state where I had no friends. I was an overweight, effeminate child, and the local kids used to knock me off my bike and ask me if I was a boy or a girl. I went steady with a girl whose friends told she broke up with me because I was a "sissy and a queer". That hurt.

I eventually sucked it up, lost weight and became more masculine. In the gay community I am probably considered a "sellout" but it helped me get through life. Not something I am proud of in today's community where young gay youth are "out and proud", but it helped me survive.

Words can never hurt me now. I am a successful businessman who is married to my husband. We celebrated 30 years together in September. I am so much more than my sexual orientation. Cruel words will never hurt me again.
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Who could realistically fault you for being a bit on the down low? Being “out and proud” could have resulted in your being injured or killed. Congratulations on your thirty year anniversary.
 
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Bretrick said:
Have you ever been on the receiving end of someones hate filled tirade?
How did it make you feel? Did you respond in kind? Or were you able to ignore it and not let it affect you for the rest of the day/week?
Words can hurt us deep down and have a long lasting effect. Especially if one is young and their mind is still developing.
Early childhood experiences stay with us for a lifetime. And can have an extremely detrimental affect on one's self esteem and outlook on life.
My childhood was abhorrent and those experiences still surface every now and then.
The difference these days is that I know how to react to them so they do not have the debilitating effect that they did when I was a teenager.
I changed the wording to the ditty, "Sticks and Stones may break my bones" and ended it with, " But words will surely kill me"
I remember in school, year 10, the teacher asked us how we would like to be remembered.
She asked us to write our epithet for our gravestone.
Instantly this is what I wrote,
" Brett, Died of a Broken Heart"
Her reaction to me was, " That is inappropriate Brett" She never asked why I had written those words.
I got used to the beating from peers and family.
Bruises heal, Mental torture can last a lifetime and lead to early termination to stop the pain of the heart.
I was an "A" Student all through my school years, up until year 10 when the things happening at home forced my mind to shut down. For most of the year I stared out the window. That year's grades were abysmal. From A's, A plus, B plus, to D, F and C'S.
No one asked me what was going on?
Words can kill just as effectively as a sharp knife.
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Yes, absolutely I have been on the receiving end of an ugly tirade. Unfortunately, it was my mother who was very verbally abusive. I always thought when I grew up, I would let it go. Here I am, 61 years old and I can still see and feel how she affected me. Through working with a wonderful counselor (I wish I had started counseling sooner) I've begun to see why I react the way I do. It's quite a journey. I started counseling at age 57 when diagnosed with MS. I have learned SO MUCH!
 
S. Mary Cole said:
Yes, absolutely I have been on the receiving end of an ugly tirade. Unfortunately, it was my mother who was very verbally abusive. I always thought when I grew up, I would let it go. Here I am, 61 years old and I can still see and feel how she affected me. Through working with a wonderful counselor (I wish I had started counseling sooner) I've begun to see why I react the way I do. It's quite a journey. I started counseling at age 57 when diagnosed with MS. I have learned SO MUCH!
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It is a shame that we do not seek councelling years earlier. Would free us up to get on with life not shackled by the past.
 
Bretrick said:
It is a shame that we do not seek councelling years earlier. Would free us up to get on with life not shackled by the past.
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trouble is, finding a good councillor who doesn't charge the earth is almost impossible, and prevents people who are in the greatest need from receiving the help they so desperately require
 


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