How to determine if someone has dementia

Duster

Duster

Member
Location
Deep South, US
I know some of you have dealt with parents with dementia. How did you determine that they were in the early stages of dementia?
Do doctors give the patient a test?
The problem is that my mother is acting a little insane lately. If someone disagrees with her, she calls them a white supremacist or a racist.
She'll ask is you are voting for her favorite candidate for president. If you say no she calls you a name.
To me that sounds borderline crazy.
She lives alone and has gone downhill physically since this covid madness began. She looks much older and has put on weight in the past 6 months.
Of course, she repeats the same stories every time you talk to her. That's been going on for a few years.
How do you go about finding a good nursing home that accepts dementia patients?
Does medicare cover the costs?
I'm the only one of my 3 siblings who lives near my mother. None of them have come to visit her in the past 6 months.
Since I'm not an only child, this isn't my decision alone.
I feel maybe it's time to look into some kind of special care, since she seems to be losing her grip on reality.
 

Duster said:
I know some of you have dealt with parents with dementia. How did you determine that they were in the early stages of dementia?
Do doctors give the patient a test?
The problem is that my mother is acting a little insane lately. If someone disagrees with her, she calls them a white supremacist or a racist.
She'll ask is you are voting for her favorite candidate for president. If you say no she calls you a name.
To me that sounds borderline crazy.
She lives alone and has gone downhill physically since this covid madness began. She looks much older and has put on weight in the past 6 months.
Of course, she repeats the same stories every time you talk to her. That's been going on for a few years.
How do you go about finding a good nursing home that accepts dementia patients?
Does medicare cover the costs?
I'm the only one of my 3 siblings who lives near my mother. None of them have come to visit her in the past 6 months.
Since I'm not an only child, this isn't my decision alone.
I feel maybe it's time to look into some kind of special care, since she seems to be losing her grip on reality.
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Please check this out: https://mycommentary.weebly.com/lets-not-drug-grandpa.html
 
With my mom, I determined it when she started saying & doing things that weren't normal. I had her washer repaired when she poured flour into it instead of detergent. She set her robe on fire when she boiled water for tea; her robe had big sleeves that went into the flame. Luckily I was there at the time. I knew she couldn't be left alone. When I'd visit her, she would sometimes ask, "Who are you?" Other times, she would recognize me. Sometimes, she'd accuse my sister and I & the gardener of stealing from her; I learned the paranoia is part of dementia.
 

win231 said:
With my mom, I determined it when she started saying & doing things that weren't normal. I had her washer repaired when she poured flour into it instead of detergent. She set her robe on fire when she boiled water for tea; her robe had big sleeves that went into the flame. Luckily I was there at the time. I knew she couldn't be left alone. When I'd visit her, she would sometimes ask, "Who are you?" Other times, she would recognize me. Sometimes, she'd accuse my sister and I & the gardener of stealing from her; I learned the paranoia is part of dementia.
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Paranoia was a big part of my late mother-in-law's dementia. She also stopped recognizing me, and held up her cane at me. It was a sad thing to watch. She thought the staff were trying to poison her, and was spitting out her meds. I found pills stuck to the inside of her suit jacket one time. We used to pick her up to take her out for a meal on Sundays. One time, she wanted McDonald's .. there was a guy holding something in his hand, that she mistook for a gun. She kept saying "he has a gun", until we convinced her it wasn't a gun. Another time, she got the word "black" stuck in her head. She kept repeating "black dog" when we pointed out a black dog on the street, and when we got to the restaurant, it was "black pepper" over and over. It got to the point where her belief she was being poisoned caused her to stop eating. She was spitting out her food, and went down to skin and bones. She passed away from pneumonia.
 
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Duster said:
I know some of you have dealt with parents with dementia. How did you determine that they were in the early stages of dementia?
Do doctors give the patient a test?
The problem is that my mother is acting a little insane lately. If someone disagrees with her, she calls them a white supremacist or a racist.
She'll ask is you are voting for her favorite candidate for president. If you say no she calls you a name.
To me that sounds borderline crazy.
She lives alone and has gone downhill physically since this covid madness began. She looks much older and has put on weight in the past 6 months.
Of course, she repeats the same stories every time you talk to her. That's been going on for a few years.
How do you go about finding a good nursing home that accepts dementia patients?
Does medicare cover the costs?
I'm the only one of my 3 siblings who lives near my mother. None of them have come to visit her in the past 6 months.
Since I'm not an only child, this isn't my decision alone.
I feel maybe it's time to look into some kind of special care, since she seems to be losing her grip on reality.
Click to expand...
Does she have Medicare and her states Medicaid? I think there is a means test. Easier if she has both insurances.
 
I’m not sure what the laws are where you live but in Canada you are supposed to get an independent tester. These testers are called ‘cognitive assessors,’ or General Practitioners Assessment of Cognition. They are fairly expensive but that’s the legal way to go.

This was a real problem with my parents because my brother told me he was the Power of Attorney BUT this only holds true IF this test is done. It wasn’t done with my parents so technically my father was still legally the POA which made the situation super complicated because he was making very unwise decisions concerning my mom like kidnapping her from hospital to bring her home when she needed 24/7 hour care. The test still hasn’t been legally done which is what really ticked me off because it’s essential in knowing who has the ‘power.’ When BOTH parents have no cognitive ability left and have complete dementia, trying to help them ‘legally’ becomes exceptionally difficult. I did however get them both admitted to a proper nursing home which they both liked but the journey was a nightmare at time’s due to this issue.

The proper procedure you need to do is hire one of these professionals. Good luck.
 
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Pinky said:
Paranoia was a big part of my late mother-in-law's dementia. She also stopped recognizing me, and held up her cane at me. It was a sad thing to watch. She thought the staff were trying to poison her, and was spitting out her meds. I found pills stuck to the inside of her suit jacket one time. We used to pick her up to take her out for a meal on Sundays. One time, she wanted McDonald's .. there was a guy holding something in his hand, that she mistook for a gun. She kept saying "he has a gun", until we convinced her it wasn't a gun. Another time, she got the word "black" stuck in her head. She kept repeating "black dog" when we pointed out a black dog on the street, and when we got to the restaurant, it was "black pepper" over and over. It got to the point where her belief she was being poisoned caused her to stop eating. She was spitting out her food, and went down to skin and bones. She passed away from pneumonia.
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YES paranoia definitely comes into play and complete distrust. They can become exceptionally violent to those wishing to help them. It’s REALLY a difficult thing to go through. You can get accused of everything under the sun. In fact you very often become the villain by merely trying to help them. It’s NOT an easy thing to deal with.
 
Thank all of you for your replies.
Thank you JaniceM, for the article. The only medication she is taking is the usual meds they give the elderly~statins, thyroid medication, motrin, and some kind of heart drug. That's scary that they dope people up like that.
The only experience I have with dealing with dementia was my 19 year old cat, during the last year of her life. It made her very unpredictable.
I'm sure it isn't the same thing as it is in humans.
What I getting from what all of you are saying is that we need to wait until the problem is advanced enough that she is a danger to herself and others, before we can positively tell that she does have dementia and needs special care.
 
Thank you Keesha, for your additional input. It must be difficult to have both parents stricken with this disease at the same time. You are fortunate to have found a care facility that you trust.
I can't even imagine how hard it must be on both you and your brother.
 
Duster said:
Thank all of you for your replies.
Thank you JaniceM, for the article. The only medication she is taking is the usual meds they give the elderly~statins, thyroid medication, motrin, and some kind of heart drug. That's scary that they dope people up like that.
The only experience I have with dealing with dementia was my 19 year old cat, during the last year of her life. It made her very unpredictable.
I'm sure it isn't the same thing as it is in humans.
What I getting from what all of you are saying is that we need to wait until the problem is advanced enough that she is a danger to herself and others, before we can positively tell that she does have dementia and needs special care.
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Or you could take her to the doctor, have her tested, and then you would know. There are quite a few different types of dementia not just Alzheimer’s. Is there some reason you don’t want her medically evaluated?
 
That's a slippery slope to answer....I'm 75 and sometimes I forget....But I will remember mostly...

I worked in a school for many years....I am out since 9/11....I live with my husband....We live in the same house for 45 years....I do remember
where to go in the house and the yard....But when you don't interact with many people it's another story....I do phone my daughter and we talk..
My son comes here mostly every day cause he lives 2 blocks away....Sometimes if I see people in the store I do remember them but not the
name....That drives me crazy...But they remember my name...I'm not as sharp as I was when I was in my 60's....So I come here to see what is
going on and it seems I'm happy.....Good thing I have my husband....And my kids try to get here whenever they can....
And thank you for having me here....It helps the mind....Be well, everyone....
 
I've had quite a bit of experience with elderly relatives who eventually needed to go into care. All but one experienced some form of dementia. With my mother it was caused by repeated brain injuries due to a couple of significant, and a number of lesser bleeds into her brain. A brain scan is helpful to determine what is causing the dementia.

She elected, together with her unmarried sister, to enter an aged care hostel where they continued to live together until the sister needed a higher level of care. Mum lived on happily at the hostel in spite of increasing dementia until one day she was seen to be preparing to go out and when asked where she was going she replied "To the March". This was a reference to the Anzac Day marches and it was entirely the wrong month for that. We decided then that she needed a more secure facility to prevent her wandering and she moved into a dementia specific hostel where she still had her own room with ensuite, and home cooked meals in a common dining room.

Any sign that your mother is a danger to herself or others is IMO enough to begin the process of looking for a well run, secure place. Some kind of medical assessment will be necessary if it is government subsidised. I recommend a place where you can visit easily to continue caring for her. She will need you to shop for her when she needs new clothes or shoes and to take her to specialist appointments. You have been an attentive daughter and she will still need you even after she goes into care.
 
peppermint said:
That's a slippery slope to answer....I'm 75 and sometimes I forget....But I will remember mostly...

I worked in a school for many years....I am out since 9/11....I live with my husband....We live in the same house for 45 years....I do remember
where to go in the house and the yard....But when you don't interact with many people it's another story....I do phone my daughter and we talk..
My son comes here mostly every day cause he lives 2 blocks away....Sometimes if I see people in the store I do remember them but not the
name....That drives me crazy...But they remember my name...I'm not as sharp as I was when I was in my 60's....So I come here to see what is
going on and it seems I'm happy.....Good thing I have my husband....And my kids try to get here whenever they can....
And thank you for having me here....It helps the mind....Be well, everyone....
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I have problems with names as well, I don’t think that’s unusual. Both my husband and I have forgotten different things which makes it nice as we can fill in each other’s memories. 😂. It doesn’t help that our landmarks are being torn down and replaced with newer, bigger, nicer building. But progress goes on even if we don’t.
 
Peppermint, you seem pretty normal to me. We all experience "Brain Farts". Remembering even small things become more difficult.
Warrigal: thank you for sharing your experience. Your good advice will help when the time comes that something needs to be done.
My brothers will have to help with those decisions. Since they all live thousands of miles away, they don't see the deterioration of her mind that I see being in closer contact. For the moment, she still seems able to handle caring for herself.
 
First off... SYMPTOMS:
Cognitive and sensory changes:

  • Memory loss, generally noticed by the near and dear ones
  • Difficulty in communication, especially finding the right words to communicate
  • Reduced ability to organize, plan, reason, or solve problems
  • Difficulty handling complex tasks
  • Confusion and disorientation
  • Difficulty with coordination and motor functions
  • Loss of or reduced visual perception
  • Metallic taste in mouth, decreased sense of smell
  • Agnosia-Agnosia is the loss of the ability to recognize objects, faces, voices, or places. It’s a rare disorder involving one (or more) of the senses.


Psychological changes:

  • Changes in personality and behavior
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Hallucinations
  • Mood swings
  • Agitation
  • Apathy
If you believe she has dementia I would see to it she sees the dr. He can help you get information on what to do as well if you ask.
 
Oh, this brings back some sad and difficult memories of my mother's experience with Dementia. I remember my brother (who was living with her at the time she started showing signs of Dementia) calling me to tell me that mom was having hallucinations and other symptoms. I went to stay with her after my brother's tragic death (car accident) and I had such a difficult time with her. She hated me so much. Everything that I did was never good enough for her. My sisters placed her in a nursing home about a year after she started showing signs of Dementia. It was a saddest 14 years of seeing her suffer.
 
I'm sorry to hear of your struggles Pamela. I didn't wish to remind you of difficult times.
This is a terrible disease that impacts families and friends, as well as the patient.
I can't even imagine dealing with it for 14 long years. That's so tragic.
 
Duster said:
I'm sorry to hear of your struggles Pamela. I didn't wish to remind you of difficult times.
This is a terrible disease that impacts families and friends, as well as the patient.
I can't even imagine dealing with it for 14 long years. That's so tragic.
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It is ok @Duster . Life goes on....
 
This is genius! It's a fake bus stop on the property of a dementia care facility. No busses ever come by for pick ups. The patients wander to the bus stop thinking they will be able to take a bus somewhere. By the time the staff finds them there, they have probably forgotten where they wanted to go.
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I dunno. Seems a bit cruel to me, but thank goodness, I've not had much contact with dementia, except for a good friend who was also my neighbor.
 
Duster said:
This is genius! It's a fake bus stop on the property of a dementia care facility. No busses ever come by for pick ups. The patients wander to the bus stop thinking they will be able to take a bus somewhere. By the time the staff finds them there, they have probably forgotten where they wanted to go.
View attachment 115569
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That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard of regarding dementia and I worked memory care unit for many years.
I hope they have bracelets that are the elopement warnings...very demeaning as well!
I wonder where this is and how they got the state D.O.H.to approve it.
 
Pepper said:
I dunno. Seems a bit cruel to me, but thank goodness, I've not had much contact with dementia, except for a good friend who was also my neighbor.
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Lots of times people with dementia will wait for rides that are never coming. It's a thing. They forget what age they are & where they're at. I'm their mind they may be 30 & waiting for their husband to pick them up from the beauty parlor.
 
MarciKS said:
Lots of times people with dementia will wait for rides that are never coming. It's a thing. They forget what age they are & where they're at. I'm their mind they may be 30 & waiting for their husband to pick them up from the beauty parlor.
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I have seen a similar bus stop. As the afternoon shadows begin to lengthen many people with dementia think it is time to go home to prepare the evening meal. We call them the 'sundowners' in Australia. Many think that they are at a shopping centre and the bus seat is calming. Otherwise they become agitated because they don't know how to get home. When they are called inside for their meal they go willingly enough.

It is the same with some of the old ladies who carry a doll with them. Having their 'baby' with them is calming even though it looks pathetic to people who don't understand their thought processes.
 

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