How to improve relationship with my dad

JJSC

JJSC

New Member
I am writing to share some concerns I have regarding the recent communication difficulties I've encountered with my father.

As my dad has grown older, there has been a noticeable change in his demeanor towards me. Despite my attempts to reach out to him, he consistently refuses to pick up my calls. When I do manage to get through, he abruptly hangs up, claiming that I am attempting to breach his privacy by being a "web hacker".

Recently, when I expressed my genuine concern for our mother and requested to speak with her, I was met with a barrage of loud and hurtful cursing from my dad. This has deeply wounded me, as I only wish to maintain a healthy relationship with both of my parents.

At this juncture, I find myself at a loss for what steps to take next. I am deeply troubled by my dad's behavior and the strain it has placed on our relationship. I genuinely care about my parents, but the way my dad has treated me has left me feeling hurt and confused.

I would greatly appreciate any advice or guidance you could offer on how to navigate this challenging situation. Thank you for taking the time to listen and for any support you can provide.
 

Are they too far away to physically stop by (or even plan a trip?) to evaluate his mental state and to assure yourself that your mother is doing alright? If not you, is no one in the family close enough to check on them physically?
 
I'm truly sorry to hear about the distressing situation with your father. It's clear that you sincerely care about maintaining a healthy relationship with both of your parents, and it must be very difficult to navigate this kind of strain. If you feel comfortable doing so, perhaps an open and honest conversation with your father could offer some clarity on his perspective and possibly provide an opportunity for healing in your relationship.

In situations like this, reaching out to a trusted family member or friend for support can also be valuable as you confront these complex emotions and challenges. Remember that it's okay to prioritize your well-being during these tough times, even if it means seeking professional help or counseling services. Taking care of yourself first will enable you to better navigate the difficulties in front of you.
 
Thereā€™s a possibility that heā€™s had mini strokes. These mini strokes happen and go undetected unless they are hospitalized or in assisted living etc.

Strokes create shallower vein passageways and this includes the brain. When people get older this happens often and it changes the personality of the person , sometimes drastically.

My mom had a mini stroke and needed to be sedated cause she got violent. She didnā€™t understand that she had to stay in the hospital but I have to admit that the medication they gave her really worked well.

Thereā€™s a possibility that your dad may be having mini strokes that arenā€™t getting recognized
 
You didn't mention if you lived within a reasonable distance to check on them personally. If not then.
Asking for a Wellness CheckOr if the person you're checking up on is in another state, you'd contact their local authorities. Only call 911 if you have reason to believe there's an emergency situation. Otherwise, the best way to request a police welfare check for the elderly is to contact local law enforcement.
 
Does anyone in the family have a power of attorney for health care. Even if no one does have the POA if you know who his doctor is you might consider relaying your concerns to his doctor. Sometimes they can help.
 
You MUST remember this from your standpoint. It takes willingness on the part of all parties to a relationship to take self responsibility. If your father does not want a good relationship with you it is NOT your responsibility. My suggestion is stop building this into your responsibility because it turns into blame; blaming yourself. This is another person's behavior not yours. I suggest you lower your expectations of him, and accept the relationship he wants to exist between you. You will be much more accepting of him and respectful towards yourself; and then much happier. Accept the judgement that there is nothing wrong with you. Rather love yourself and respect yourself.(y)
 
I would agree with Wes in most situations - but here I think it is more likely the result of some sort of dementia rather than something he is actively choosing

if that is the case, try not to be hurt about it - realise it is not him but the dementia speaking and it isnt personal or about you, he doesnt understand what he is doing
Irrational comments like 'You are a web hacker' make it seem like this is the case

Is it possible to talk to your mother separately - ring when you know he is out perhaps?

If not and if it is not possible to physically go there and you don't have other family who can do so - follow up as other posters have said by ringing Aged Care Services, or the equivalent in your country and ask them to check and see how that goes.
 
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