How would you feel? No-shows at funeral

Some people are very uncomfortable about attending funerals. It might be a case of someone being like that, but not wanting to say "no, I won't be attending" to you. So they say they're coming and then don't. It's rude, yes, but some people just don't know how to say "no" in the first place.
 

What a coincidence------Just two weeks ago I told someone I would see them at the funeral and then I decided not to go. It bothers me not.
 
Since they "promised" to attend I would feel that I could not trust these people unless something came up that interfered with their attendance. I am not a believer of wakes or funerals so I would never promise to attend or attend.
 
debodun said:
It always amazes me how many people have "sudden emergencies" when they have to do something they don't want to do.
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There are two surefire ways to see into the soul of a person. #1. Make them mad. When you anger someone they start talking the truth . Its very revealing. #2. Take them out of their comfort zone. This reveals another form of "truth". Be forewarned though . if you master these two techniques you'll shocked at how ugly , hypocritical , transparent and disgusting some hearts are. The upside is it saves time separating the wheat from the chafe
 
I would be very hurt especially if the person promised to attend. Recently I was asked to attend a private funeral, I said I would come but dreaded going. I did go out of respect for the family and those who really wanted me there.
 
It's not like a party or something. You go to pay your respect if it is in your heart. No one likes going to funerals, not only are we saddened and maybe feel uncomfortable being around closest family, but it reminds us of our own mortality. I know one thing, it is a real source of comfort to the grieving family.
 
I've never had someone ASK ME to come to a funeral -- there's usually an announcement of some sort and you go if you can. Funerals are very difficult for me and I go to as few as I feel obligated to, but around here, it's not something you RSVP to. I was asked to speak at the funeral of a friend and colleague, which I did, but I've never been asked to just attend.
 
I keep getting hung up on the word "promised." I can't fathom promising to attend a funeral, nor extracting such a promise from anyone.

However, to answer your question: if someone I cared about made a promise to me and didn't follow through I'd feel very concerned that something dire had happened to prevent them from fulfilling the promise. I'd definitely get in touch with them to check that everything is okay. So, that's how I'd feel: concerned.

If it was someone I didn't care about one way or the other their promise wouldn't mean a whit to me. I'd probably note that they had made a promise they hadn't kept, but I wouldn't care. In the great scheme of things it's small potatoes.
 
I was hoping to get closer to a cousin at the time Mom died. I did not ask her to come. I figured she wouldn't. Then she said she'd see me there at the funeral, and she didn't show up. No problem with the not showing up, but since she said she would come, she could have at least emailed me. I knew then that the closeness I'd hoped for would not materialize. I tried establishing the relationship through emails, anyway. It was a waste of time. I have to accept that people are who they are. Even if I want them to be loving and kind, that does not translate into them changing and becoming that way.
 
Loosey said:
However, to answer your question: if someone I cared about made a promise to me and didn't follow through I'd feel very concerned that something dire had happened to prevent them from fulfilling the promise. I'd definitely get in touch with them to check that everything is okay.
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Does "I thought about it and changed my mind" fall into this criterion?
 

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