Humerous Definitions

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CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper
With fire at one end
And a fool at the other!



LECTURE:
The art of transmitting Information
From the notes of the lecturer
To the notes of students
Without passing through the minds of either

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
Multiplied by the number present

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
A cake in such a way that
Everyone believes
He got the biggest piece

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
Masculine willpower is
Defeated by feminine water-power!

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
Nobody listens
And everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
You are going to feel
A feeling you have never felt before

CLASSIC:
A book which people praise,
But never read


SMILE:
A curve that can set
A lot of things straight!

OFFICE:
A place where you can relax
After your strenuous home life



EXPERIENCE:
The name men give to their mistakes

DIPLOMAT:
A person who tells you
To go to hell in such a way
That you actually look forward to the trip

OPTIMIST:
A person who, while falling
From the Eiffel Tower, says mid-way
"SEE, I’M NOT INJURED YET!"

MISER:
A person who lives like a pauper so that
He can die RICH!


FATHER:
A banker provided by Nature

BOSS:
Someone who is early
When you are late,
And late when you are early

POLITICIAN:
One who shakes your hand before elections
And your confidence later

DOCTOR:
A person who kills your ills by pills,
And kills you by his bills!
 
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