I’m having a tough time.

I would move back into my house and get it ready to list to sell. When it’s sold, I would move into a senior apartment that is in the town where you are comfortable with that you lived before. I would certainly not remain in the type of position that you are now because it would be much too uncomfortable.
 
All the comments here offer positive advice in your favor. . I honestly can’t see why you are considering living with them and enduring a miserable life. I know it’s scary, but get out on your own – you can do more than you think you can. And wherever you live, there are always other residents/neighbors who would help you out. I guess the outcome will depend on how independent you want to be – live on your own and enjoy making your own decisions, or live with the family and be intimidated. The choice is really up to you. It has only been a few months since your husband passed – you need a time of grieving and adjustment. And please, please, don’t give them your money.
 
You are still grieving for your husband, your daughter is still grieving for her father - and you are now living under one roof which I assume you have not done for very long time.

Lots of adjustments and perhaps for both sides not working out as well as hoped. Nothing wrong with that - I love my children but I dont think living with them again would work out well

I think you should plan to spend the money from house sale getting your own small place close-ish to your family but also close to facilities you need, like shops, medical centers, activities for seniors.
and join some activities - whatever interests and abilities you have - craft groups, volunteering, whatever.
 
One other thought. There are potential tax consequences to gifting the kind of money talked about here. In most states, you can only give someone up to $19,000 without gift tax rules coming into play. The amount over $19,000 will be subtracted from your lifetime gift and estate tax exemption.

In other words, such an action may be more costly tax-wise than if they inherited your money through your will.
 
Pinky said:
@ME/TOO
Please do not give the money from the sale of your house to them .. buy a place for yourself.
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Ditto! There are way too many red flags here. Pay attention to them!

Either buy an apartment or condo for yourself or keep the money and rent an apartment. Do not part with your money unless it's for your own use. It sounds as though you'll end up with no money and no choice but to live in their house (never mind that you'll have paid for a good part of it). You'll be captive.

Take driving lessons, get your license, buy a car. Or use Uber/Lyft or public transpo if it's available where you are. Most towns also have transpo for seniors, and most senior apartments have transportation available. Check into it.

It's been my experience that there's almost no way two grown women, who have each had their own homes, can co-exist. It can be done, but it doesn't sound like it will be in your case. You and your DD will probably get along well as long as you're not living in the same house. Tell you what: I'd rather be alone and lonely than live with the wrong people.

In my case, my apartment is attached to my daughter's house. It's completely self-contained with a sitting room, bedroom, bathroom and full kitchen and has a separate entrance. We only share a roof and a hall door (that locks) that goes into their house.

The first few months it got a little tense at times, but it's been 16 years now. I respect their space; they respect mine.

Your house is an hour away? Pfffft. When we lived out West, we'd drive 300 miles to Tucson to have lunch with my aunt and uncle and drive back home that afternoon;).

Something else to think about is a plan for how to get to your house...an hour away...to get it ready to sell.

Please please please think this through! Conventional wisdom says don't make any big changes for at least a year after the death of a spouse. Conventional wisdom is almost always right.
 
Most family problems can be solved with money. As I mentioned in another thread, if there is a sizable trust fund, all families and relatives would come kiss asses.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
One other thought. There are potential tax consequences to gifting the kind of money talked about here. In most states, you can only give someone up to $19,000 without gift tax rules coming into play. The amount over $19,000 will be subtracted from your lifetime gift and estate tax exemption.

In other words, such an action may be more costly tax-wise than if they inherited your money through your will.
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Eesh, yeah, that's right. And there are extremely few ways to get around that. I can only think of 2, and neither of them are convenient.
 
Tell me again why you are now living with your daughter? Your house was too big? Too many memories about your recently lost husband? Okay. I understand that, many of us have gone through the same thing.

I am with others here. Move back to your house. Close off parts that you don't use. Get it ready to sell. Use Uber to get around. As for the sadness, I will share with you this.

I cried so much after my husband died. After some months, I just couldn't stand it any longer so I went to a counselor. She asked me, "What is your goal in coming here." I replied, "I want to stop crying." She placed two chairs facing each other and had me sit in one, pretending my husband was in the chair opposite. Talk to him, she said. Feeling very silly, I did. I told him how much I missed him, how I didn't know how I was going to live without him.

I don't remember everything I said but then she had me switch chairs and pretend to be him. "Answer her," she said. So, I sat there for a few minutes and thought, "What would he say to me in response to what I just said?" And I knew. It was that he loved me. That he wanted me to be happy, to have a good life even though he wasn't with me. He would not want me to be so sad.

A week later, I walked into the counselor's office and said, "I'm fine. Thank you!" And walked out. Now and then I still miss him. But it changed my life thereafter. I hope you, and everybody else here, can find their way, too.
 
John cycling said:
If this was me I'd move back into my house, and learn to drive - which would also give me something to do.
Then if I wanted to sell the house and get a smaller one or move somewhere else, I would go ahead and do it.
Plus I'd definitely not give them my savings. The point for me is that I'd want to stay as independent as possible.

The point is to go ahead and do what you feel is the best for you. They could always visit you then and visa versa.
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Thsnk you for your advice. The reason for not driving is my vision.. I’m legally blind in one eye and the other is not that good.. so Im limited. If I could have stayed I would have, but I’m in a country setting..also the house would be too much for me to care for.. with taxes and other expenses..of upkeep of the grounds, etc.. I could move back there to a retirement village.. but I would have no one around me ..
 
OldOld said:
When they said they would sell their house and get a bigger house together with you (and the proceed of your house sale mixed in), that may be their intention to lock in their inheritance asap.
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Could be.. I thought that but hate to believe it..
I joked one time ..that maybe my SIL is hoping I’d die so nothing has to be done! But I’ve regretted saying that,
 
GoodEnuff said:
Tell me again why you are now living with your daughter? Your house was too big? Too many memories about your recently lost husband? Okay. I understand that, many of us have gone through the same thing.

I am with others here. Move back to your house. Close off parts that you don't use. Get it ready to sell. Use Uber to get around. As for the sadness, I will share with you this.

I cried so much after my husband died. After some months, I just couldn't stand it any longer so I went to a counselor. She asked me, "What is your goal in coming here." I replied, "I want to stop crying." She placed two chairs facing each other and had me sit in one, pretending my husband was in the chair opposite. Talk to him, she said. Feeling very silly, I did. I told him how much I missed him, how I didn't know how I was going to live without him.

I don't remember everything I said but then she had me switch chairs and pretend to be him. "Answer her," she said. So, I sat there for a few minutes and thought, "What would he say to me in response to what I just said?" And I knew. It was that he loved me. That he wanted me to be happy, to have a good life even though he wasn't with me. He would not want me to be so sad.

A week later, I walked into the counselor's office and said, "I'm fine. Thank you!" And walked out. Now and then I still miss him. But it changed my life thereafter. I hope you, and everybody else here, can find their way, too.
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Well a good for you! However, it’s not ALL O E SIZE FITS!
 
MACKTEXAS said:
One other thought. There are potential tax consequences to gifting the kind of money talked about here. In most states, you can only give someone up to $19,000 without gift tax rules coming into play. The amount over $19,000 will be subtracted from your lifetime gift and estate tax exemption.

In other words, such an action may be more costly tax-wise than if they inherited your money through your will.
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Yes I realize.. and Im aware of the taxes.
 
ME/TOO said:
What Other side do you think there is?
please don’t assume there is! I e been upfront..
I don’t need this kind of comment..
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I'm sure you have been upfront and told us the situation from your perspective.

But all situations involving other people are different from their perspective so that would be the other side.
 
spedini said:
Don't forget that we're only getting one side of the story.
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Well, now, aren't you just the sweet voice of compassion? One side of what story? She lost her DH. She's unhappy living with her DD/DSIL and their kids. She has no other family. She has a house that she wants to sell. She doesn't drive.

Is there a side that makes her unhappiness and loneliness unreasonable?
 

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