I am not in a good place...sis in law in hospice

Marie5656

Marie5656

SF VIP
Location
Batavia, NY
As most know, my two brothers are years older than me. Right now it is just me and my oldest brother (age 85.) He is my niece, Julies dad. Anyway, Julies mom has been battling brain cancer for a while. Had been a breast cancer survivor.
Anyway, Julies mom and my brother started dating in high school...so I have known her since I was born. They are divorced about 15 years. Different story
Sis in law is now in Hospice. Hard to say how long she has (Look at Pres Carter)
So, that is bad enough. Sis in law and Julie not sharing news and updates right now, as neither are in a place to deal with an influx of calls and visits.
So, on top if the stressors, I decided to inform my cousin, who lives in North Carolina (Or south, forget) as she has often said she feels out of the loop on family matters.
OK< with all on the pate right now, I did not think that the storm ran through her area.
BUT what I got back was a rant of "Don't you realize we had a disaster here? And I have my own problems right now"
I am more upset than I feel I should be...but really....
 

Marie, I understand how upset that made you.. and you have to just thinnk yes she's dealing with her own isssues currently but maybe because she's so irritable anyway when she's told anything might be why others in the family don't bother telling her anything.

Don't take it to heart you're tried to include her, she wasn't interested in hearing it.. now you can leave her out of everything with a clean pair of hands..

So sorry you're going to lose your sister-in-law.. she sounds like she's really suffered a lot, is Julie the niece who helps you at home?
 
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OK< been doing some reflecting. YES, I understand my cousin is in the storm zone. I am not heartless or disrespectful, and I did say that. That being said, she has always had a "Poor Me" attitude. NO ONE has more problems than her. She is about 74 right now.
I did have a brain fritz, and forgot she was in the storm line...North Carolina. But a simple "I am having a tough time now because of storm, sorry about your sis in law" and I would be OK
I am just going to let it go for now. And focus on Julie.
I do have another cousin (other side of family) and I sent HIM a message on status of their area. He lives in same state.

Excuse my while I sit back and have a nice toddy 🧋
 
Marie, do not communicate further with this cousin at this time. If she civilly contacts you, that's another matter. And if her contact is nasty, I'd be done with her.

I'm sure she is stressed but her response was out of line. She may have been upset you didn't mention the storm and ask her about any damage. She could be dealing with damage, she could be fine. She could enjoy making responses like this.
 
Marie5656 said:
As most know, my two brothers are years older than me. Right now it is just me and my oldest brother (age 85.) He is my niece, Julies dad. Anyway, Julies mom has been battling brain cancer for a while. Had been a breast cancer survivor.
Anyway, Julies mom and my brother started dating in high school...so I have known her since I was born. They are divorced about 15 years. Different story
Sis in law is now in Hospice. Hard to say how long she has (Look at Pres Carter)
So, that is bad enough. Sis in law and Julie not sharing news and updates right now, as neither are in a place to deal with an influx of calls and visits.
So, on top if the stressors, I decided to inform my cousin, who lives in North Carolina (Or south, forget) as she has often said she feels out of the loop on family matters.
OK< with all on the pate right now, I did not think that the storm ran through her area.
BUT what I got back was a rant of "Don't you realize we had a disaster here? And I have my own problems right now" I
I am more upset than I feel I should be...but really....
Click to expand...
I'll bet she's not angry at you Marie, more likely just scared and lashing out because she just doesn't know how to manage the situation she finds herself in. Give her some time to find her footing again and just allow her some grace on this. Sometimes we all lose it when things go drastically wrong and you just happened to be the one on the other end of the phone when she couldn't manage her feelings for that moment.
 
Cut yourself some slack Marie. We know you meant well and right now you should concentrate on your niece, her mother and your brother. You aren't responsible for your cousin's feelings and in time she may settle down and then you might have an opportunity to talk to each other again.

Thinking of you right now. Hoping you can find comfort for yourself during this painful time.
 

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