I am really struggling

WE've said all this before but I think worth repeating - staying alone all day and night ain't good - find your nearest local old age group centre - book in and start chatting to like minds - it can be as simple as that and you can come and go as you please - remember some will have transport for pick ups or know locals next to you who attend too!
 
It's a simple thing...but it helped me after my husband died. I didn't really want to go out; I found myself just wanting to stay home, but I forced myself to go to the mall and walk around. Not to go shopping, just to walk around. It was warm inside when it was cold outside and vice-versa, so that part worked out well.

I would force myself to say "hello" to people as I passed them, or at least to smile at them. Some responded with hello or a smile, some looked at me like I was crazy and some didn't respond at all. But it made ME feel better. And, who knows, it just might have made someone else feel better, too.
 
jujube said:
It's a simple thing...but it helped me after my husband died. I didn't really want to go out; I found myself just wanting to stay home, but I forced myself to go to the mall and walk around. Not to go shopping, just to walk around. It was warm inside when it was cold outside and vice-versa, so that part worked out well.

I would force myself to say "hello" to people as I passed them, or at least to smile at them. Some responded with hello or a smile, some looked at me like I was crazy and some didn't respond at all. But it made ME feel better. And, who knows, it just might have made someone else feel better, too.
Click to expand...
You were lonely and I'm very glad it worked for you.
🤔 I never meet the eyes of oncomers. I know that sounds hostile, but I don't like the feeling that I am accosting strangers.
 
gruntlabor said:
You were lonely and I'm very glad it worked for you.
🤔 I never meet the eyes of oncomers. I know that sounds hostile, but I don't like the feeling that I am accosting strangers.
Click to expand...
Jules said:
When I’m out walking I acknowledge and then say hello to almost everyone. It’s rare someone totally ignores me. Some people light right up.
Click to expand...
I relate to both. I have moods - sometimes I do, sometimes no.
 
Jules said:
When I’m out walking I acknowledge and then say hello to almost everyone. It’s rare someone totally ignores me. Some people light right up.
Click to expand...
I have found in big congested cities, most people seem to be within their own "bubbles". I guess it's to protect themselves.

But, once in New York City, I tried smiling at people. They smiled back. And I had a toddler with me at the time. She was extremely sociable and greeted everyone she saw. It was a miracle. Not one person failed to smile at her or talk to her. We were standing on a street corner and there was a cab by us with the meanest-looking cab driver I've ever seen. He had a fearsome scowl. She said to him, "Hi! I ______ and I love you!" For a moment, he kept scowling and then broke out in the biggest grin and said, "Well, hello ______, I'm Joe and I love you too!"

In India, I found that everyone scurried by with their eyes down. But if you said "hello" to them, they immediately started smiling and said hello back. They were probably the friendliest people I've ever met.

I truly think people are basically friendly.
 
I agree with Jules and jujube.
I find people to be quite friendly. I smile at people, say hello to people, and often to talk to people in stores. I like to give compliments to people as well. It is generally well received. My city is friendly and down earth.
In my community, we wave at each other while driving or walking. I like it!
 
jujube said:
I have found in big congested cities, most people seem to be within their own "bubbles". I guess it's to protect themselves.

But, once in New York City, I tried smiling at people. They smiled back. And I had a toddler with me at the time. She was extremely sociable and greeted everyone she saw. It was a miracle. Not one person failed to smile at her or talk to her. We were standing on a street corner and there was a cab by us with the meanest-looking cab driver I've ever seen. He had a fearsome scowl. She said to him, "Hi! I ______ and I love you!" For a moment, he kept scowling and then broke out in the biggest grin and said, "Well, hello ______, I'm Joe and I love you too!"

In India, I found that everyone scurried by with their eyes down. But if you said "hello" to them, they immediately started smiling and said hello back. They were probably the friendliest people I've ever met.

I truly think people are basically friendly.
Click to expand...
Remember the old travel tv show, Globe Trekker?
Ian Wright, one of the travelers was so hilarious and friendly that even the most hardened, withdrawn natives could not resist his charm. Everyone laughed.
 
Probably 10 years ago, I went to the Texas State Fair and had coupons left over. I asked my pharmacist if she would be going. She said yes, so I gave her the leftover coupons. She is still at the pharmacy, and she always acknowledges me by name with a big smile and knows my prescriptions. Sometimes it's the small things.

I try to acknowledge people that I see often. There is a guy at self-checkout who is frequently there when I go to the grocery store and I always ask him how his day is going.

I once complimented a woman on her red convertible at the grocery store and we had a 15-minute conversation on our past careers and where we lived in the neighborhood. Most people in Dallas are happy to chat!

Like @jujube, I sometimes walk around the mall when I just want to be around other people. Same way at the gym. There is one older guy that always fist bumps me. It's like we're just happy to see that each other is still healthy enough to work out! :ROFLMAO:

Like others, I have my moods but I try to make an extra effort on the days I really don't want to talk to anyone. It does lift me up.
 
Last edited:
I have mentioned this book before; Feeling Good the new mood therapy by David D Burns MD I particularly like being reminded that the things we tell ourselves are not always true, We are not lonely because we are unpleasant or unattractive We might enjoy our own company more if we didn't fantasize how it would be so much better with a partner Sorry to be so repeditive Wish I could help!
 
I am fine other than I have multiple health issues. One of these is sleeping a normal schedule. I am up all night and sleep during the day.

Nothing is open all night. When I was still a normal person I would get out during the day. Nothing exciting, mall walk, thrifting, spend a couple of hours at the library. Now I am stuck.....I do sometimes get a reprieve when I can get myself flipped back to having some daylight hours. Even then I sometimes do not go out because I just don't feel well.

Yes, my doctor is aware, and we have tried all sorts of medication for sleep. I take them at normal bedtime, but sleep does not come until morning or later. When I go to sleep then, I sleep well. I try not to use them all the time, they are not good for you. Again, just stuck.
 
Blessed said:
I am fine other than I have multiple health issues. One of these is sleeping a normal schedule. I am up all night and sleep during the day.

Nothing is open all night. When I was still a normal person I would get out during the day. Nothing exciting, mall walk, thrifting, spend a couple of hours at the library. Now I am stuck.....I do sometimes get a reprieve when I can get myself flipped back to having some daylight hours. Even then I sometimes do not go out because I just don't feel well.

Yes, my doctor is aware, and we have tried all sorts of medication for sleep. I take them at normal bedtime, but sleep does not come until morning or later. When I go to sleep then, I sleep well. I try not to use them all the time, they are not good for you. Again, just stuck.
Click to expand...
I have problems with my sleep too. A loosely followed Ben Franklin schedule works best for me:
Rise at six
From six to nine: prepare for the day
From nine to one: work
From one to two: rest
From two to six: work
From six to ten: evening activities
From ten to six: rest
I can legally cheat by spending the six to ten evening-activities period in bed reading myself to sleep. Then I stay in bed until six am. This helps bring me around to healthy sleep habits.
Also it helps me to spend the first eight hours winding myself up for work. And the last eight hours winding down for rest.
No rx drugs for me. Just carefully chosen foods and herbal teas.
 
Last edited:
Blessed,
I am going through pretty much the same thing and it is horrible. I wish there was something I could say to make it better for you. Just two weeks ago I told my Dr about it and he gave me Wellbutrin and it was better for three days. Guess I need more mg.

I was in trouble for several months. Lots of losses. Health going bad to worse.

I don't know any magic either, I try to keep busy as I can. Seems to help some.

I hope things get better for you, we do care and send good wishes.

David
 
Not to be trite, but BTDT! Seems like the older I get, the easier it is to get so far down that I have to reach up to tie my shoelaces.

Fortunately, mild "blues" (as opposed to full-blown depression) is a self-limiting disease, provided you see it coming and make yourself do something to head it off at the pass. A walk. Reading a book. Cleaning house (!). Anything to keep moving.

And it helps a whole lot to write it all down so you can see yourself.

We're hear. We can be your sounding board. And you can be anonymous.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top