I am so low maintenance, I'm invisible .

willowgal2024 said:
Ok, I've been putting off posting, but this was the last straw.
I am a very patient and kind person. I don't ask for anything. I've always been independent and do for myself. I am a caregiver and thoroughly enjoy what I do. It's the most rewarding job I've ever had and makes me realize how prescious our seasoned folks truly are.
With that said, I often forget about myself.
I live with my partner (9 years) in addition to 3 cats and one wonderful GSD. I take care of everything as in dishes cleaning and cooking and creatures. I don't mind most of the time as it's comforting to me to clean my own house. It would really be nice if my partner took more of an initiative. With me.
For example today I've been sick all day. Trying to get rid of a nasty cold with absolutely no energy.
I had to run out for work briefly (I'm also a Pet sitter ) Sometimes I work 7 days a week between my two part time jobs. I'm damn tired at the end of my days.
We talked about dinner before I left as I didn't feel like cooking . I texted him before I headed back home that I would love a PBJ sandwich . I came home kind of hoping beyond hope I would have a sandwich waiting for me . Nope. I came back home and noticed he did put the necessary things out for me to MAKE my own... No intention made whatsoever. I can tell you how my heart sank. It just would have been nice for a change for him to do something for me.
When he was sick last week I made him soup and tea constantly. What's the deal here ?
I'm done giving when I get nothing in return.
I can't change anyone but myself.
There are other similar examples to share that I won't bother everyone with. You get the picture.
Early on he has referred to me as "low maintenance "and telling me that I never need anything.
Guess that's my fault. I've always pride myself by being so independent, but I guess I might as well be alone.
Yes I know I need to talk to him. How would you handle this? I just don't want to sound petty and stupid.
Thank you!
Click to expand...
I admire you for all you do for others and the animals....kudos. My husband would have prepared any type of hot meal I wanted if I wasn't feeling well, a sandwich is not much to ask for. The sandwich would have been there, wrapped in plastic wrap to stay fresh until I came home, and would likely be accompanied by a little dessert and beverage.

I feel for you, he is being very selfish and I have a feeling he was this way for the nine years you've been together, and for that I feel sorry for you.

You're not being petty or stupid. I don't know if I would want this person to keep living under my roof, unless he normally is caring and helpful. Good luck, can't offer more thoughts without knowing more about your relationship.

Welcome to Senior Forums!
 

hearlady said:
Sorry you're feeling down.
Most men don't know code. This is what I've been told.
In other words they hear what you say . He heard you say you'd "love a PBJ", not "I'd love it if you'd make me a PBJ."
Say exactly what you mean.
When he is sick you hear "I need taking care of, I'd love some soup and tea" even though he never said it. You get the code.
So, speak directly and clearly and you my dear, might find a PBJ waiting for you, maybe with some chips. 🤗
And ask for more than that.
Click to expand...
I guess I'm lucky, my husband would have asked me if he can have anything ready for me when I came home, or maybe ordered something to be delivered for me. It's true you have to spell things out for some men.
 
Lara said:
Have you sat down together and talked about this? It's just a PB&J sandwich.
I know you texted him BEFORE heading home but do you always head home right after you've texted or does life happen and you get delayed at times? Is he used to not taking you seriously?

And how long does it take you to get home? Maybe he didn't want your bread to dry out...I personally dislike dry bread....it does happen fast with things left out on the counter...and fruit flies happen and dust, etc. He put the "necessary things out" to slap PB&J on bread.

With the bread and the PB&J already on the counter, how long does that take? 10 seconds?

I don't mean to sound like I blame you, and I know you were sick but I'm just wondering his side of the story that he may think was appropriate.
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He may not have wanted the bread to get dry, dusty or covered in fruit flies, but as I said, putting some plastic wrap on it would have taken care of that, put it on a plate if desired, etc. Honestly, I can't realistically imagine making any sandwich in ten seconds. When you don't feel good, you just want to sit down and relax, and enjoy your sandwich.
 

willowgal2024 said:
Exactly. Consideration and simple kindness ! I know they aren't mind readers, however shouldn't common kindness show up especially when someone is in need ? This is what I'm shocked and hurt about. And honestly concerned. When I get older and need more help, is he just going to tune me out as he does now? Meanwhile I'm spinning around in my head ? . I plan on talking to him tonight even though I'm still not well. I started coughing badly in the middle of the night. He suggested I go down and take some cough medicine. Good grief help a sick woman out .
I'm so disappointed. Where is the kindness and compassion ?
Click to expand...
I know what you mean, when you care about someone you take the initiative to get them what they need and offer any assistance they may require. A little compassion and empathy from your partner does make you feel good and goes a long way.

We both do our best to help each other when we're sick or in pain, day or night, does not matter. We put each other over ourselves when it comes to things like that, it's the way it should be. Hope you feel better soon, please take care and don't stress out too much over this, not worth it.....hugs.
 
CallMeKate said:
Kidding about a man punching a woman's lights out? Yes, I saw your emoji, but I've never been able to laugh or joke about that topic. Oh well, to each her own, I guess... although I don't understand the reasoning that would make it laughable. 🤷‍♀️
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I didn't think it was funny either, especially for women who are being physically abused by their partners. That could be any women here on this forum, not everyone shares the hurtful personal negative parts of their relationships with others, online or in real life. I'm thankful my husband has never raised a hand to me or mentally abused me either, but not everyone is so fortunate.
 
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SeaBreeze said:
I admire you for all you do for others and the animals....kudos. My husband would have prepared any type of hot meal I wanted if I wasn't feeling well, a sandwich is not much to ask for. The sandwich would have been there, wrapped in plastic wrap to stay fresh until I came home, and would likely be accompanied by a little dessert and beverage.

I feel for you, he is being very selfish and I have a feeling he was this way for the nine years you've been together, and for that I feel sorry for you.

You're not being petty or stupid. I don't know if I would want this person to keep living under my roof, unless he normally is caring and helpful. Good luck, can't offer more thoughts without knowing more about your relationship.

Welcome to Senior Forums!
Click to expand...
Thank you. Yeah it wasn't about just the sandwich, it's deeper. You are very lucky to have such a thoughtful husband that anticipated what you need. Sigh.... A girl can dream.
 
Unfortunately, willowgal2024, you sound like me. I was an RN, and an "independent" person. We have an innate need to take care of people. And probably a little on the controlling side. So, others assume we'd take care of ourselves, and for the most part that's true. Yet, once in a while, we want to be taken care of. Maybe that's a role reversal, our significant others aren't aware of ????
 
willowgal2024 said:
Ok, I've been putting off posting, but this was the last straw.
I am a very patient and kind person. I don't ask for anything. I've always been independent and do for myself. I am a caregiver and thoroughly enjoy what I do. It's the most rewarding job I've ever had and makes me realize how prescious our seasoned folks truly are.
With that said, I often forget about myself.
I live with my partner (9 years) in addition to 3 cats and one wonderful GSD. I take care of everything as in dishes cleaning and cooking and creatures. I don't mind most of the time as it's comforting to me to clean my own house. It would really be nice if my partner took more of an initiative. With me.
For example today I've been sick all day. Trying to get rid of a nasty cold with absolutely no energy.
I had to run out for work briefly (I'm also a Pet sitter ) Sometimes I work 7 days a week between my two part time jobs. I'm damn tired at the end of my days.
We talked about dinner before I left as I didn't feel like cooking . I texted him before I headed back home that I would love a PBJ sandwich . I came home kind of hoping beyond hope I would have a sandwich waiting for me . Nope. I came back home and noticed he did put the necessary things out for me to MAKE my own... No intention made whatsoever. I can tell you how my heart sank. It just would have been nice for a change for him to do something for me.
When he was sick last week I made him soup and tea constantly. What's the deal here ?
I'm done giving when I get nothing in return.
I can't change anyone but myself.
There are other similar examples to share that I won't bother everyone with. You get the picture.
Early on he has referred to me as "low maintenance "and telling me that I never need anything.
Guess that's my fault. I've always pride myself by being so independent, but I guess I might as well be alone.
Yes I know I need to talk to him. How would you handle this? I just don't want to sound petty and stupid.
Thank you!
Click to expand...
Some parts of what you write are so much how I live. Except I actually like keeping a low profile, it's less hassle all round.
Yet everyone has a breaking point. Talk to your partner and tell him how you feel. You need him to understand.
 

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