I Can't Stand for People to Give Me 'Gifts.'

My mother and I did not get along-AT ALL. After my dad died, she wanted to come live with me. I told her, "Ma, you know by sunset one of us would be buried in the back yard". Thankfully my younger brother put up with her, and cared for her. I'm grateful for that. When she passed, I signed all the insurance and the house over to him, he earned it.
I think if you really want to thank someone, it should cost you. If the gift is trivial in your mind, no matter how expensive the gift is; it is still junk.
 

One "gift" I got on a Duty Day at work was a free, very cheaply made-in-China, small coffee cup I got from my employer. And we were also celebrating "Support Local Businesses" on that day. It was good for a laugh, anyway. I believe the cup broke in short order.
 

Sliverfox said:
@ PeppermintPatty,, Your post gave me a a smile,, as I just posted a birthday card to my granddaughter, yesterday.
No money went with the card,,,instead a little note was with it.

She's a nurse & does character entertaining for children on her days off.
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Oh good. I like to make others smile . Your granddaughter is a nurse. That’s very good . You must be proud. I write to my niece all the time. In the last 2 months I’ve probably sent 8 cards.

What’s character entertaining? Of course you deserve gifts. Why wouldn’t you?
 
I rarely ever got a gift from my parents.. twice from my mother in memory, one was a signet ring on my 13th birthday, and another was a new dress ( first ever new dress).. for the school dance

.... opposite to Remy, I would and do love people buying me gifts.. and equally love giving them...in fact more so...

My estranged husband who had an absolute opposite upbringing to me, who came from an Upper Middle class family, good parents who took a lot of interest in him, and his education, and his life in general, absolutely hates getting gifts, even at Christmas.. why ?.. because it means he's expected to thank people......so he always tells everyone not to buy him anything ( he doesn't tell them the reason why tho' )
 
Remy said:
Presents. Anything. I can't keep it. I have nothing my mother or stepfather gave me. They gave me some gold earrings and a blue topaz necklace years ago. All given to the thrift store or given to someone. I don't want them. Never wore them. The one pair of earrings I really liked. Surprisingly. I'd try them on but could never wear them. I finally gave them to a co-worker. They were real gold and diamond.
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A slight abstraction from this, I've actually had to think of this recently, tangentially.

My mother is growing increasingly weaker. She may have a year, may have a month. I hope she lives forever. My family situation is a little strange as they never forgave me for leaving the country (yeah, it's crazy like). But the bottom line is, I've started to receive weird text messages and emails. Basically, my brother is super focused on what happens after she passes.

I don't want to think of it right now, she's here, I hope she has many years (she's 90). But I've been told I'm going get a lot of stuff from the house she owns. And you know - I don't want it. Any of it. Should I? My brain says, "I don't want to benefit from the death of my mother", along with "I don't want to live in her house, or with her belongings".

It's a strange one, and the kind of thing that only really happens to us old folk. I don't want photographs, furniture, let alone any goods. But part of me wonders if I'm somehow wrong in not feeling differently......
 
VaughanJB said:
A slight abstraction from this, I've actually had to think of this recently, tangentially.

My mother is growing increasingly weaker. Basically, my brother is super focused on what happens after she passes.

I don't want to think of it right now, she's here, I hope she has many years (she's 90). But I've been told I'm going get a lot of stuff from the house she owns. And you know - I don't want it. Any of it. Should I? I don't want photographs, furniture, let alone any goods. But part of me wonders if I'm somehow wrong in not feeling differently......
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@VaughanJB, I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you feel. Unless there's something of great sentimental value that reminds you of your mother that you hold dear and for that reason want to keep, I say let it all go. All that “stuff” just complicates your life and weighs you down, down the road. Take it from someone who knows.
 
Bella said:
@VaughanJB, I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you feel. Unless there's something of great sentimental value that reminds you of your mother that you hold dear and for that reason want to keep, I say let it all go. All that “stuff” just complicates your life and weighs you down, down the road. Take it from someone who knows.
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I had a dog whom I loved. I've had many dogs, but she was special. When she passed due to old age, I said I wanted the ashes. So I have them, still with me today. And I *hate* it. In fact, right when I was handed them, I knew it was a huge mistake. I've carried those ashes across continents! I'm not stuck with them. But they do nothing for me, it doesn't make me feel closer to the dog I loved. It feels like an anchor. Perhaps, hence my reaction.

I really don't want photographs, or anything. Memories is what I treasure.
 
VaughanJB said:
I had a dog whom I loved. I've had many dogs, but she was special. When she passed due to old age, I said I wanted the ashes. So I have them, still with me today. And I *hate* it. In fact, right when I was handed them, I knew it was a huge mistake. I've carried those ashes across continents! I'm not stuck with them. But they do nothing for me, it doesn't make me feel closer to the dog I loved. It feels like an anchor. Perhaps, hence my reaction.

I really don't want photographs, or anything. Memories is what I treasure.
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Its because they are just ashes. Basicly just dirt. Your dog isn't there. She's in your heart.
 
@VaughanJB Nothing wrong with not wanting those items. That's what estate sales and donations are for. Someone else will want many of the things.

I too have ashes of two of my cats and when these go, I'll pay for a cremation at the pet cemetery but just have their ashes spread on the property. Really no reason to have them I don't think. I agree with taking the pet ashes you have to someplace nice and leaving them there.
 

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