I Lost My Father to Alcoholism

Bretrick

Bretrick

Well-known Member
Location
Perth Western Australia
He died of Cirrhosis of the Liver, aged 64.
My Father was a functioning alcoholic who held down a Tradesman's Job, paid for all the necessaries of five children. Fed, Clothed and put us all through school.
That is where it ended.
He done what was necessary and no more. Never once did we have a talk, never once did he offer any advice on life.
My Father would finish work at 4 pm everyday and would go to the pub until it closed.
Be it 11 pm, or Midnight. Every day. Weekends he would get pissed at the Pigeon Club. He never had pigeons, but the Pigeon Club would open at 8 am on a Saturday and Sunday. The bar was open at that time.
At age 60, dad was diagnosed with Liver disease and he stopped drinking. At about that same time he retired early so was left with too much time on his hands.
Dad was bored beyond belief, having no other interest outside of his drinking.
My father was so bored with life that after 18 months of not drinking, he started drinking again. Knowing that it would kill him prematurely.
He made the decision to drink himself to death because he did not want to live a life without alcohol.
Two years after he recommenced drinking he died of liver failure.
I went to visit him in Hospital several times. The hospital was in the City, 250 km's away.
On my second last visit, the Doctor told me that he would be dead within the week.
So when I went one final time, we both knew that it would be the last time we would see each other and no words needed to be said.
As I walked out the door, I turned back to look at him and he was silently crying, I said good bye and never saw him again.
I was twenty five.
Home life growing up was fraught with misery and despair.
What with an alcoholic Father, a Mother who was so, so sad living in a loveless marriage. Mum took her frustrations out on us children and would beat us regularly for what? Minor infractions.
Mum started an affair with someone who showed her love and affection and my Father found out and threw her out of the house.
I was seven at the time.
My Mother's Mother, my Grandmother, came from far away to raise us children and was ill prepared for what she had walked into.
After about 3 months she became vicious and started beating us kids as well.
Her method of punishment was a solid, hardwood broom handle cut down to three feet in length. She would not hold back and beat us mercilessly.
What an environment to be raised in.
The reason for this post is to say to those of you who struggle with alcohol addiction, continuing down the same path, day after day will lead to a life of misery.
Because of my situation, I began to steal money from dad, it was easy, he was virtually in a coma, when asleep.
I was miserable at home, I was bullied at school, I was beaten regularly by my peers who saw me as an easy target.
With the money I was stealing I would get adults to buy me alcohol. I started drinking at age twelve and by age fifteen was what is considered today, an alcoholic.
I started working at age fifteen so had my own money and started to emulate what my father was doing.
Finishing work at 4 pm, I too would go to the pub until it closed. You need to understand that in a small country town in the late 70's no one cared if a person was underage.
Plus I was the son of one of the most revered person in the town.
Alcohol also claimed the life of my Brother, who at 32 years of age was brain damaged through alcohol and died of unknown causes in suspicious circumstances.

I will relate two incidents regarding the negative effects of my drinking.
How, when we are drunk we are not in control.
Incident one.
Walking home from a late night drinking session, I was 500 meters from home. Walking past a car I happened to notice the keys were in the ignition, I could actually see my house but made the decision to get in that car and drive the 1/2 mile home.
Drunks make stupid decisions. As I got near to home, I decided to go for a joy ride.
Straight past my house, I continued out of town, and drove for at least ten miles before I failed to take a corner and crashed the car.
So I had to walk ten miles back home, hiding in the bushes whenever a car approached. Took me about 5 hours to get home after being no more than 1/2 a mile from home. Stupidity
Incident two.
The day before I fled my home state, I stayed the night with my Father's best friend who had moved to another town and was running a General store/Takeaway place.
I was drinking stubbies out back of the shop where the deep fryer was. It was lunch time and there was always a crowd at that time.
My beer had become warm, there was about 100 mls left.
What did I do? I tipped it into the hot deep fryer.
The hot oil bubbled furiously and overflowed all over the floor. At least half the oil, say 20 litres ended up flooding the kitchen, at the busiest time of the day.
Total disaster. Stupidity.
I have written enough to show you that alcoholism destroys not only the alcoholic, but it has a severe detrimental effect on those around you.
They may tolerate you, but they would rather you were not around.
As I have written previously, I was able to give up the booze after hitting rock bottom.
I went to one meeting of AA and found it was not for me. Half the people there were drunk.
The reason I was able to stop is because I wanted to stop.
Only the alcoholic can make that decision. No use trying to stop drinking if you do not want to stop drinking.
My life has show me that it takes inner strength to achieve what it is you truly want.
Those of you struggling with the booze, believe in yourself and you too can kick the habit. But only if you want to.
 

Alcohol addiction definitely ruins many lives. I am glad you were able to get sober. Now there’s many more support groups for people struggling that are different than AA.

However, I have read that the people that are able to stay sober in the long run are people that quit on their own without a support group. Another good resource for people is the book called this Naked Mind by Annie Grace which has a very different approach.
 

Bretrick said:
He died of Cirrhosis of the Liver, aged 64.
My Father was a functioning alcoholic who held down a Tradesman's Job, paid for all the necessaries of five children. Fed, Clothed and put us all through school.
That is where it ended.
He done what was necessary and no more. Never once did we have a talk, never once did he offer any advice on life.
My Father would finish work at 4 pm everyday and would go to the pub until it closed.
Be it 11 pm, or Midnight. Every day. Weekends he would get pissed at the Pigeon Club. He never had pigeons, but the Pigeon Club would open at 8 am on a Saturday and Sunday. The bar was open at that time.
At age 60, dad was diagnosed with Liver disease and he stopped drinking. At about that same time he retired early so was left with too much time on his hands.
Dad was bored beyond belief, having no other interest outside of his drinking.
My father was so bored with life that after 18 months of not drinking, he started drinking again. Knowing that it would kill him prematurely.
He made the decision to drink himself to death because he did not want to live a life without alcohol.
Two years after he recommenced drinking he died of liver failure.
I went to visit him in Hospital several times. The hospital was in the City, 250 km's away.
On my second last visit, the Doctor told me that he would be dead within the week.
So when I went one final time, we both knew that it would be the last time we would see each other and no words needed to be said.
As I walked out the door, I turned back to look at him and he was silently crying, I said good bye and never saw him again.
I was twenty five.
Home life growing up was fraught with misery and despair.
What with an alcoholic Father, a Mother who was so, so sad living in a loveless marriage. Mum took her frustrations out on us children and would beat us regularly for what? Minor infractions.
Mum started an affair with someone who showed her love and affection and my Father found out and threw her out of the house.
I was seven at the time.
My Mother's Mother, my Grandmother, came from far away to raise us children and was ill prepared for what she had walked into.
After about 3 months she became vicious and started beating us kids as well.
Her method of punishment was a solid, hardwood broom handle cut down to three feet in length. She would not hold back and beat us mercilessly.
What an environment to be raised in.
The reason for this post is to say to those of you who struggle with alcohol addiction, continuing down the same path, day after day will lead to a life of misery.
Because of my situation, I began to steal money from dad, it was easy, he was virtually in a coma, when asleep.
I was miserable at home, I was bullied at school, I was beaten regularly by my peers who saw me as an easy target.
With the money I was stealing I would get adults to buy me alcohol. I started drinking at age twelve and by age fifteen was what is considered today, an alcoholic.
I started working at age fifteen so had my own money and started to emulate what my father was doing.
Finishing work at 4 pm, I too would go to the pub until it closed. You need to understand that in a small country town in the late 70's no one cared if a person was underage.
Plus I was the son of one of the most revered person in the town.
Alcohol also claimed the life of my Brother, who at 32 years of age was brain damaged through alcohol and died of unknown causes in suspicious circumstances.

I will relate two incidents regarding the negative effects of my drinking.
How, when we are drunk we are not in control.
Incident one.
Walking home from a late night drinking session, I was 500 meters from home. Walking past a car I happened to notice the keys were in the ignition, I could actually see my house but made the decision to get in that car and drive the 1/2 mile home.
Drunks make stupid decisions. As I got near to home, I decided to go for a joy ride.
Straight past my house, I continued out of town, and drove for at least ten miles before I failed to take a corner and crashed the car.
So I had to walk ten miles back home, hiding in the bushes whenever a car approached. Took me about 5 hours to get home after being no more than 1/2 a mile from home. Stupidity
Incident two.
The day before I fled my home state, I stayed the night with my Father's best friend who had moved to another town and was running a General store/Takeaway place.
I was drinking stubbies out back of the shop where the deep fryer was. It was lunch time and there was always a crowd at that time.
My beer had become warm, there was about 100 mls left.
What did I do? I tipped it into the hot deep fryer.
The hot oil bubbled furiously and overflowed all over the floor. At least half the oil, say 20 litres ended up flooding the kitchen, at the busiest time of the day.
Total disaster. Stupidity.
I have written enough to show you that alcoholism destroys not only the alcoholic, but it has a severe detrimental effect on those around you.
They may tolerate you, but they would rather you were not around.
As I have written previously, I was able to give up the booze after hitting rock bottom.
I went to one meeting of AA and found it was not for me. Half the people there were drunk.
The reason I was able to stop is because I wanted to stop.
Only the alcoholic can make that decision. No use trying to stop drinking if you do not want to stop drinking.
My life has show me that it takes inner strength to achieve what it is you truly want.
Those of you struggling with the booze, believe in yourself and you too can kick the habit. But only if you want to.
Click to expand...
You are a very brave person, you took the Bull by the Horns and won.
Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. 🤗
 
I have heard nearly the same story from other people several times. I have been to houses to break up domestic abuse issues caused by alcohol many times. I have picked up runaway children because their home life was too much to bear because of alcohol many times.

When people chose the bottle over their family, everyone in that family suffers one way or another, if it’s by physical or emotional abuse. It becomes a very high price to pay because 1 person chooses the bottle. I have seen women beaten so bad, they were unrecognizable. I have seen children with welts and bruises on them that had to be pitifully painful.

I am sorry you had to endure the life that you did. We all have choices. We make choices every day. Like George Jones sings on his song “Choices,” “We live and die by the choices we make.” My sister’s BFF was telling me she married her first husband, who she met in a club after only knowing him for 5 months. She said the first time she opened his refrigerator, he had a half keg of beer inside with very little food.

She told me that something inside her told her to run, but she fell in love with this man and she thought she could change him. She said she thought if she got him into her church things would turnaround because they have a program for drinkers. He was always so kind and polite to her. Her parents thought he was a nice gentleman. In less than a month after they were married, he beat the crap out of her, but wouldn’t call the cops, but daddy did and he was put in jail awaiting bail.

Having an occasional drink is fine. I do it also. However, if you can’t or have no control over your drinking, you need to walk away from the bottle. I hear men say “I can quit whenever I want.” That may or may not be true, but if you become addicted to alcohol, it’s like any other drug. It can sucker you in, tie you down and have a hold on a person forever.

Finally, it’s just like you said, if you are going to quit, “You have to want to quit.” You have to totally commit yourself to quit drinking. Not even a sip can be taken. It’s like trying to quit smoking. You don’t smoke for a month, then you take a cigarette from someone because “one cigarette won’t matter” and then you find yourself buying a pack of cigarettes.

I wish you continued success with staying dry.
 
Bretrick said:
He died of Cirrhosis of the Liver, aged 64.
My Father was a functioning alcoholic who held down a Tradesman's Job, paid for all the necessaries of five children. Fed, Clothed and put us all through school.
That is where it ended.
He done what was necessary and no more. Never once did we have a talk, never once did he offer any advice on life.
My Father would finish work at 4 pm everyday and would go to the pub until it closed.
Be it 11 pm, or Midnight. Every day. Weekends he would get pissed at the Pigeon Club. He never had pigeons, but the Pigeon Club would open at 8 am on a Saturday and Sunday. The bar was open at that time.
At age 60, dad was diagnosed with Liver disease and he stopped drinking. At about that same time he retired early so was left with too much time on his hands.
Dad was bored beyond belief, having no other interest outside of his drinking.
My father was so bored with life that after 18 months of not drinking, he started drinking again. Knowing that it would kill him prematurely.
He made the decision to drink himself to death because he did not want to live a life without alcohol.
Two years after he recommenced drinking he died of liver failure.
I went to visit him in Hospital several times. The hospital was in the City, 250 km's away.
On my second last visit, the Doctor told me that he would be dead within the week.
So when I went one final time, we both knew that it would be the last time we would see each other and no words needed to be said.
As I walked out the door, I turned back to look at him and he was silently crying, I said good bye and never saw him again.
I was twenty five.
Home life growing up was fraught with misery and despair.
What with an alcoholic Father, a Mother who was so, so sad living in a loveless marriage. Mum took her frustrations out on us children and would beat us regularly for what? Minor infractions.
Mum started an affair with someone who showed her love and affection and my Father found out and threw her out of the house.
I was seven at the time.
My Mother's Mother, my Grandmother, came from far away to raise us children and was ill prepared for what she had walked into.
After about 3 months she became vicious and started beating us kids as well.
Her method of punishment was a solid, hardwood broom handle cut down to three feet in length. She would not hold back and beat us mercilessly.
What an environment to be raised in.
The reason for this post is to say to those of you who struggle with alcohol addiction, continuing down the same path, day after day will lead to a life of misery.
Because of my situation, I began to steal money from dad, it was easy, he was virtually in a coma, when asleep.
I was miserable at home, I was bullied at school, I was beaten regularly by my peers who saw me as an easy target.
With the money I was stealing I would get adults to buy me alcohol. I started drinking at age twelve and by age fifteen was what is considered today, an alcoholic.
I started working at age fifteen so had my own money and started to emulate what my father was doing.
Finishing work at 4 pm, I too would go to the pub until it closed. You need to understand that in a small country town in the late 70's no one cared if a person was underage.
Plus I was the son of one of the most revered person in the town.
Alcohol also claimed the life of my Brother, who at 32 years of age was brain damaged through alcohol and died of unknown causes in suspicious circumstances.

I will relate two incidents regarding the negative effects of my drinking.
How, when we are drunk we are not in control.
Incident one.
Walking home from a late night drinking session, I was 500 meters from home. Walking past a car I happened to notice the keys were in the ignition, I could actually see my house but made the decision to get in that car and drive the 1/2 mile home.
Drunks make stupid decisions. As I got near to home, I decided to go for a joy ride.
Straight past my house, I continued out of town, and drove for at least ten miles before I failed to take a corner and crashed the car.
So I had to walk ten miles back home, hiding in the bushes whenever a car approached. Took me about 5 hours to get home after being no more than 1/2 a mile from home. Stupidity
Incident two.
The day before I fled my home state, I stayed the night with my Father's best friend who had moved to another town and was running a General store/Takeaway place.
I was drinking stubbies out back of the shop where the deep fryer was. It was lunch time and there was always a crowd at that time.
My beer had become warm, there was about 100 mls left.
What did I do? I tipped it into the hot deep fryer.
The hot oil bubbled furiously and overflowed all over the floor. At least half the oil, say 20 litres ended up flooding the kitchen, at the busiest time of the day.
Total disaster. Stupidity.
I have written enough to show you that alcoholism destroys not only the alcoholic, but it has a severe detrimental effect on those around you.
They may tolerate you, but they would rather you were not around.
As I have written previously, I was able to give up the booze after hitting rock bottom.
I went to one meeting of AA and found it was not for me. Half the people there were drunk.
The reason I was able to stop is because I wanted to stop.
Only the alcoholic can make that decision. No use trying to stop drinking if you do not want to stop drinking.
My life has show me that it takes inner strength to achieve what it is you truly want.
Those of you struggling with the booze, believe in yourself and you too can kick the habit. But only if you want to.
Click to expand...
Good Lord! I wish I could hug you in person. ((())).
 
We all tried to help a friend who was a reckless alcoholic for probably 2 decades. When she finally got kicked out of the tent where she was living she went into a rehab where she worked for a space to live. She was 50 years old and had experienced some horrors in her life. She fell off the wagon at about six months after witnessing a death.

She appeared at my door in a zombie-like condition and I let her sleep on the couch where she could be monitored. After a few days she willingly decided to go back into the program and start over. Her decision. She graduated earlier this year and found a job in another state with a new boyfriend. She calls every week or so and seems to be doing well. Fingers crossed.
 
@ Bretrick - Thank you for sharing your story. My hat's off to you for surviving and then prevailing over some tough circumstances.

I was a quiet, functional drunk for about 25 years....I worked a trades job and came home to my vodka every night. Through sheer dumb luck I managed to avoid any seriously untidy stupid blunders.......There were multiple lesser, messy, stupid fumbles though. I tried to quit many times before I found something important enough that required me to be responsible, coherent and sober. That was 22 years ago. I'll never return to the alcoholic life and the urges aren't even there anymore.
 
My very dear, lifelong friend has battled alcoholism since we were teens. During her last bout (2020), her family was exhausted by being through the process many times, so I stepped up to manage the hospitalization and rehab stints.

What I learned could fill a book, including that nearly all drunks are "functional," meaning they navigate the world fairly successfully - go to work every day, get to the supermarket, do their laundry, have friends, and so forth. It's not like the movies; percentage wise, very few are homeless in squalid tents, lining up for food at charity missions in downtown centers. Sure, some do, but not most.

Their life wreckage comes from the endless heartbreak and disappointment they cause their loved ones with broken promises, no-shows at important events, and embarrassing encounters with their children's friends. Episodic binge drinking followed by periods of sobriety.

Although my friend went to AA religiously for at least 40 years, it did little good (success stats on AA are abysmally low - why that template remains the gold standard is hard to understand).

What has finally helped? Out of desperation she finally went to a psychologist who has helped her tremendously.

No binges in over a year. 🤞

Alcoholism is a rough road for the drinkers and all who love them.
 
Sad truth of this is the addiction always comes first. Everything else is down the list. Spouse, kids, job, etc, are all down the priority list someplace. Number two is friends who are also addicted.
 
For all of you who replied with kind words, @Teacher Terry, @Tish, @Devi, @911, @hearlady, @Pinky, @Repondering, thank you.
Stopping drinking was not easy.
I was only successful at my third attempt. Initially I ceased drinking for two years then told myself "I got this beat. I can now have a social drink and stop before I am drunk"
So wrong. Within 6 months I was back in the gutter.
I stopped again, this time for three and a half years, ditto my first attempt. Back in the gutter.
Woke up one morning, homeless, lying in a run down hotel, staring at the bare light bulb, one and a half empty bottles of Twany Port beside the bed. Too sick to move. Soiled bed.
Life going on outside. People/children living life in merriment.
One week I stayed like that in that hotel room, sorry for myself, realising I was all alone in my misery.
A decision had to be made. I was 40 years of age. Do I go the way of my father and end my life through drink? A long drawn out, painful process.
I asked myself, "Do I want to live or die? Is there the possibility that life can be better without the booze?"
A scary thought.
I made the decision to give it one more try, to take control, to throw away the bottle.
Decision made, showered, shaven, I applied for and was granted a one bedroom apartment in Mosman Park. I applied for a job in Heavy Industry (I am a Fitter and Turner by trade). Secured a job and have not touched alcohol since.
As 911 stated, not even a sip can be taken.

Clean and sober, starting to build a tidy nest egg, life has been so much better for the last twenty years.
I have found myself. I love the person I have grown to be.
A caring, empathetic human being who every now and then offers help to those struggling with this unforgiving life.
Once again, thank you all for your kind words and understanding.
Brett
 
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Alizerine said:
We all tried to help a friend who was a reckless alcoholic for probably 2 decades. When she finally got kicked out of the tent where she was living she went into a rehab where she worked for a space to live. She was 50 years old and had experienced some horrors in her life. She fell off the wagon at about six months after witnessing a death.

She appeared at my door in a zombie-like condition and I let her sleep on the couch where she could be monitored. After a few days she willingly decided to go back into the program and start over. Her decision. She graduated earlier this year and found a job in another state with a new boyfriend. She calls every week or so and seems to be doing well. Fingers crossed.
Click to expand...
Thank you for sharing. :)
 
StarSong said:
My very dear, lifelong friend has battled alcoholism since we were teens. During her last bout (2020), her family was exhausted by being through the process many times, so I stepped up to manage the hospitalization and rehab stints.

What I learned could fill a book, including that nearly all drunks are "functional," meaning they navigate the world fairly successfully - go to work every day, get to the supermarket, do their laundry, have friends, and so forth. It's not like the movies; percentage wise, very few are homeless in squalid tents, lining up for food at charity missions in downtown centers. Sure, some do, but not most.

Their life wreckage comes from the endless heartbreak and disappointment they cause their loved ones with broken promises, no-shows at important events, and embarrassing encounters with their children's friends. Episodic binge drinking followed by periods of sobriety.

Although my friend went to AA religiously for at least 40 years, it did little good (success stats on AA are abysmally low - why that template remains the gold standard is hard to understand).

What has finally helped? Out of desperation she finally went to a psychologist who has helped her tremendously.

No binges in over a year. 🤞

Alcoholism is a rough road for the drinkers and all who love them.
Click to expand...
Thank you for sharing and thank you for helping someone who desperately needed understanding and guidance. :)
 
It really is up to the person and it’s not easy. My dad’s uncle was an alcoholic and died when he fell in a ditch and was too drunk to get up. He froze to death in Wisconsin.

There’s quite a few alcoholics on my dad’s side of the family so my grandparents wouldn’t touch a drop and my dad rarely drank and always socially and no liquor at home. By his 50’s he quit entirely. I am a firm believer that there’s a genetic component.
 
I hear you @Bretrick
I’ve never drank or smoked..however I’ve well and truly experienced the effects of Alcohol …

I grew up in an outback / isolated mining town ( Im sure you would know of Broken Hill ..NSW) where the only entertainment was hanging out at the hotel or clubs , as my mother / step father did 7 days a week , pubs / clubs were closed in Sunday's so they traveled out of town to the likes silverton ( where many of the mad max films were made)

Its still a thorn in my sides now days how they always said they couldn't afford to buy me any socks not even from a op shop ( charity shop) to cover my pain-full chill blains in winter.

We never got anything at all for christmas or birthdays because they couldn't afford it ……… BUT ….they could afford booze and both smoked and drank every day ….didn't make sense to me even as a child …both died at 60 and 61
My mother was in a mental institution.
from the age of 49 due to alcohol induced type of dementia ( right after step father died she couldn't cope living alone )
She died of unknown causes one Dr said she chocked on a biscuit another said she was found dead in her Cell (a small stone room) we was notified 3 weeks after died ….it was headlines in the daily papers .

As for myself being the eldest of 8 Im the only one of the 8 (5 still living) that's NEVER touched drink
or smoked ….never even had a unlit or lit smoke in My mouth, yes I’ve tasted a tiny sip of beer…. ..and wine it tastes like vinegar to me .

Im the only.one who owns my home and the siblings have a go at me calling me a smart arse …cause i dragged myself out of the ‘ gutter” and worked to better my life….by leaving BH for the first time in my life at 25 years old
When they say how did you get that …..i simply say ive NEVER used my hard earned money For booze drugs or cigarettes. …..then I'm a smart arse for saying that ..,so i cant win no matter what a say ….
The 5 younger siblings were half brothers / sisters( stepfather) so I only have one full Brother living (one Dec).h

I met my father 3 months before leaving broken hill he promised me. He’d help me to get out of BH to South Aust
however he traveled back to SA , and 2 weeks latter and he was shot and killed by a 16 year old boy in 1970 who now lies within feet of my grandmother ( my fathers mother ) my father was 42 when killed .

My user name is what my fathers mother called me when I met her for the first time after moving to SA
( only met her twice ) due to her being in the city and I lived 3 hours drive away in a country area
 
Last edited:
Kadee said:
I hear you @Bretrick I grew up in an outback / isolated mining town ( Im sure you would know of Broken Hill ..NSW) where the only entertainment was hanging out at the hotel or clubs , as my mother / step father did 7 days a week , pubs / clubs were closed in Sunday's so they traveled out of town to the likes silverton ( where many of the mad max films were made)

Its still a thorn in my sides now days how they always said they couldn't afford to buy me any socks not even from a op shop ( charity shop) to cover my pain-full chill blains in winter.

We never got anything at all for christmas or birthdays because they couldn't afford it ……… BUT ….they could afford booze and both smoked and drank every day ….didn't make sense to me even as a child …both died at 60 and 61
My mother was in a mental institution.
from the age of 49 due to alcohol induced type of dementia ( right after step father died she couldn't cope living alone )
She died of unknown causes one Dr said she chocked on a biscuit another said she was found dead in her Cell (a small stone room) we was notified 3 weeks after died ….it was headlines in the daily papers .

As for myself being the eldest of 8 Im the only one of the 8 (5 still living) that's NEVER touched drink
or smoked ….never even had a unlit or lit smoke in My mouth, yes I’ve tasted a tiny sip of beer…. ..and wine it tastes like vinegar to me .

Im the only.one who owns my home and the siblings have a go at me calling me a smart arse …cause i dragged myself out of the ‘ gutter” and worked to better my life….by leaving BH for the first time in my life at 25 years old
When they say how did you get that …..i simply say ive NEVER used my hard earned money For booze drugs or cigarettes. …..then I'm a smart arse for saying that ..,so i cant win no matter what a say ….
The 5 younger siblings were half brothers / sisters( stepfather) so I only have one full Brother living (one Dec).h

I met my father 3 months before leaving broken hill he promised me. He’d help me to get out of BH to South Aust
however he traveled back to SA , and 2 weeks latter and he was shot and killed by a 16 year old boy in 1970 who now lies within feet of the man ( my father ) he murdered ……mother… my grandmother
Click to expand...
So many people have had a sad upbringing because of the actions of their family
Parents have a lot to answer for. Their actions most often dictate which direction their children will go.
Those parents without foresight, without regard for anyone but themselves destroy many children's hopes and aspirations. Leading the child to a life it did not want but had no control over.
Only the strongest are able to break the bonds, to severe the ties, to choose to live how they want to live. Without the toxicity they once knew.
I despised many adults in my home town because most of them knew the situation in our household but chose to ignore it.
Well done for you in forging your own life and take no notice of those who only want to denigrate you for your strength.
 
My father died indirectly from alcohol and tobacco. He died of a cerebral hemorrhage.
His side of the family were big drinkers. I grew up thinking this was normal and "partied" all through my teens. That turned into social drinking all through my twenties and thirties. In my forties is when it turned from dependence to full blown addiction and I functioned until in my fifties. I too quit a couple of times long term but fooled myself into thinking I could moderate.
If I had one piece of advice it would be "You can never, ever, have just one!". It doesn't work for us.
Today I am humble and grateful I've been given another chance to pay it all forward and live a good life.
Thank you @Bretrick for sharing. You are brave.
 
Repondering said:
@ Bretrick - Thank you for sharing your story. My hat's off to you for surviving and then prevailing over some tough circumstances.

I was a quiet, functional drunk for about 25 years....I worked a trades job and came home to my vodka every night. Through sheer dumb luck I managed to avoid any seriously untidy stupid blunders.......There were multiple lesser, messy, stupid fumbles though. I tried to quit many times before I found something important enough that required me to be responsible, coherent and sober. That was 22 years ago. I'll never return to the alcoholic life and the urges aren't even there anymore.
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My story is very similar to yours. Thankfully, nothing dramatic ever happened. Just slot of shame and embarrassment.
I too will never crawl down THAT rabbit hole again!
 
This is my half sister who was 32 in this photo its not her child in photo
she died of drug addiction / alcoholic when 49 she led a very tormented life of crime / jail time
She had a child at 14 years old ( I had not moved to SA at that time ) she tried to trace the child when she knew she had limited time left to live
she had leukaemia but it was fruitless ( the child was fathered by HER FATHER ) and he and my mother somehow disposed of that child, after she was taken home from the hospital and Vickey along with her parole officer tried many avenues to trace her with no avail so Vickey died not ever knowing what happened to her daughter
In further research of one of the family history sites I’ve done ( I’ll dig out the article ) her FATHER was IMO a child molester from his 30’s cause I found the article by simply putting his name into the site and his history popped up
To me it’s a pity he was deceased prior to his daughter Vickey or I would have made sure he was charged with child abuse sex crimes …. It crossed my mind about contacting the war memorial gardens cemetery where he has a nice plaque it should be removed cause he has no rights to be honoured dead or alive
IMG_8452.jpeg
 
Meant to say Vickey was 10 years almost to the day younger then me she’d only be 68 now
( she was a twin ) I’m sure she was prob born with what’s the term I hear used now to drug or alcohol effected newly born children?

Im 78 just added a recent photo to my avatar
 
I do go to AA meetings and it helps me but I realize that AA is not for or everyone. The meeting I go to has lots of people attending who have 20 plus years plus of sobriety and a couple have over 40 years sobriety so that does remind me that I am not alone. . And your share @Bretrick also helps me realize that I am not alone so I thank you.

I hit some lows very similar to yours and my mind can play tricks on me if I am not careful and look back at those lows as though they really weren't that bad. So reading what you wrote is a great reminder to me that those lows I had were very bad. Not to go into much detail but I felt more comfortable being in a depressed hopeless state over the alternative and of course alcohol helped keep me in that state. On the outside I appeared to be successful and doing well but on the inside I was numb and relished my depression.

I have encountered people who have had similar issues and have taken different routes to their sobriety. Therapy and the AA meeting I attend has been helpful for me. Everyone is different and must find what works for them best but what you said is so true, one has to want it in order to achieve it. Easier said than done though. What is most important for me now is that when I do feel a tide of depression coming on, I have the tools to recognize it and to take actions to avoid that depression instead of embracing the darkness my depression can bring.
 
So happy you were able to beat your addiction demons @Bretrick, especially under the difficult circumstances of your early years. Well done!! No easy feat, that's for sure.

I had twin sisters who despite them having every advantage growing up and both University educated with Nursing degrees, they fell victim to alcohol addiction in their 30's. I'll spare you the gruesome details but there were, as usual, some painful lows that impacted not only themselves but their kids and all of us in the family who had to clean up their messes and suffer with the knowledge that they were destroying themselves and there was precious little any of us could do to help them or stop their self destructive behavior.

One got clean after many stays in treatment centers but then fell victim to prescription drugs. One morning she just didn't wake up - gone!

The other seemed to be getting clean later in life and even lived for a period with her daughter then with her son. She decided to go back to her home and live on her own and within 6 months she was found dead in her house after her kids couldn't contact her for a few days. Unknow to me I was named the executor of her estate in her will. I had to clean up her house and do a lot of renos before I could put it on the market. The things I witnessed in that house were just shockingo_O How someone could live in those conditions was simply baffling to me!

My mother had to attend the funeral of both her daughters and that was probably the worst thing to witness.

Here's a pic of my twin sisters and myself when we were quite young.
Sisters.jpg
 

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