I still have two tough tasks ahead

AZ Jim

AZ Jim

R.I.P. With Us In Spirit Only
Location
SURPRISE, ARIZONA
I have yet to attack my sweet wives belongings and the food in the freezer. I haven't even given any effort to going into Detta's bedroom where all my babies belongings are. I just can't do it yet. As to the freezer I have things there which she bought and had plans for and I have no clue as to how to use. Pantry same problem. She had several cans of chicken broth that I know she used but, again, no clue. Spices that I'll end up wasting due to not knowing how or where to use. Detta was a wonderful cook, all I do is get by.....Men, look over your wives shoulder in the kitchen once in awhile just in case.
 

The chicken broth is a great flavoring in soup or cooking. But I know how you feel about the things. I actually tackled much of Ricks stuff already. But you will know when it is time.
That being said, do not put it off indefinitely. When my uncle died in 1980, ten years after my aunt, all of her possessions were where she left them, including her purse on the bedroom chair and her wallet on the dresser. He never even took out the cash
 
AZ Jim said:
I have yet to attack my sweet wives belongings and the food in the freezer. I haven't even given any effort to going into Detta's bedroom where all my babies belongings are. I just can't do it yet. As to the freezer I have things there which she bought and had plans for and I have no clue as to how to use. Pantry same problem. She had several cans of chicken broth that I know she used but, again, no clue. Spices that I'll end up wasting due to not knowing how or where to use. Detta was a wonderful cook, all I do is get by.....Men, look over your wives shoulder in the kitchen once in awhile just in case.
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Just know that when she filled that freezer she was thinking of you and what you might like to eat.....

When my step mother was diagnosed with cancer she went out and filled the freezer with tons of food my daddy could eat....
 

I may end up like your uncle. I did take out her wallet so her credit cards and the like would be safe but that's it.
 
Seeker said:
Just know that when she filled that freezer she was thinking of you and what you might like to eat.....

When my step mother was diagnosed with cancer she went out and filled the freezer with tons of food my daddy could eat....
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In our case we didn't know she had cancer until three days before it claimed her life.
 
Aw honey. It makes me so sad for you. 🥺

Do you know someone who could come go through her stuff so you don’t have to? I’ve done that for a number of my clients and a couple of my friends.
 
Ronni said:
Aw honey. It makes me so sad for you. 🥺

Do you know someone who could come go through her stuff so you don’t have to? I’ve done that for a number of my clients and a couple of my friends.
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No Ronni and honestly I don't think I could take a "stranger" going through her belonging. I'll just have to wait until I'm strong enough to try it.
 
Again, Jim, you will know when it is time. Not long after Rick died in April, it was actually therapeutic for me to go through many of his things, and pack some up. I did give some of his things away to friends of his. Rick had a think for baseball type caps. He always wore one, and I even, with permission, had one put in with him when he was cremated. The others I divide among a few of his friends.
I still have a lot to do, and like you, it may be a while before I a ready to do anything else.
 
There's no hurry for "going through her belongings". Take your time. As far as the kitchen goes, if you don't feel comfortable with knowing how to prepare them, just take the non-perishables to a local charitable Food Pantry or Soup Kitchen and feel really good about doing this "with Detta"(since she bought them) to help the needy. For the frozen items, you will need to use those or throw them out eventually....when you're ready.

The Salvation Army can give you advice as to the best thing to do to meet the needs of your community.
 
I had stocked our chest freezer with many of Ricks favorite foods while he was in the Nursing Home, when we thought he was coming home. A positive for me is I have not had to do an expensive shopping trip since April. Just fresh stuff. A few things from the freezer I gave to friends...they were things I knew I would probably not use.
 
Marie5656 said:
Again, Jim, you will know when it is time. Not long after Rick died in April, it was actually therapeutic for me to go through many of his things, and pack some up. I did give some of his things away to friends of his. Rick had a think for baseball type caps. He always wore one, and I even, with permission, had one put in with him when he was cremated. The others I divide among a few of his friends.
I still have a lot to do, and like you, it may be a while before I a ready to do anything else.
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So Rick passed last year in April?
 
It's been 13 years since my mom passed away, and my dad still has her clothes in her closet and in her five-drawer dresser. There was no way I was going to tell my dad what to do about it. My feeling is that it has been totally his decision when he was ready. He recently said that he is ready now. So, I'm going to help him with that.
 
When my sister was killed last year, I spent three weeks with my brother-in-law conducting "boot camp". I taught him how to do laundry, how to grocery shop, how to operate the appliances, how to cook simple meals, how to do housework. We went to the bank, the library, other businesses, to get things in order.

When I went back six weeks later, we went through her stuff.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of men who have never had to be responsible for the everyday living. He was the wage earner; she took care of about everything else.
 
AZ Jim said:
I have yet to attack my sweet wives belongings and the food in the freezer. I haven't even given any effort to going into Detta's bedroom where all my babies belongings are. I just can't do it yet. As to the freezer I have things there which she bought and had plans for and I have no clue as to how to use. Pantry same problem. She had several cans of chicken broth that I know she used but, again, no clue. Spices that I'll end up wasting due to not knowing how or where to use. Detta was a wonderful cook, all I do is get by.....Men, look over your wives shoulder in the kitchen once in awhile just in case.
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Jim, as to the food in the freezer, try to figure out how to use it by using a basic cookbook. There's probably nothing too exotic in there, and it would be a pity to waste all that food that she carefully chose for the two of you.

A good cookbook would be the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook. It's an old standard for good, basic , no-frills cooking with step by step instructions and many illustrations. It stands out on bookstore shelves because it is usually loose leaf and has a cover that is red and white checked like an old country tablecloth. It's the first cookbook I ever used when I hadn't a clue. There's no magic about basic cooking and I'm sure you would find it very helpful.
 
Remember, if it's not necessary (house sale, etc), you don't ever have to move anything, clean out anything, put anything away, etc. Unless you want to.
 
AZ Jim said:
No Ronni and honestly I don't think I could take a "stranger" going through her belonging. I'll just have to wait until I'm strong enough to try it.
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Jim,

I think that would be my motivation too.

Start slowly and when it becomes too painful take a break for a few days then go back to it.

Taking the time to thoughtfully find a new home/use for your wife's possessions is a way to honor her and help others.

As far as the food items go pick an item or two to focus on and see what ideas you can find on the internet. Using the chicken broth as an example it is a great base for a soup or as the liquid when cooking vegetables. If all else fails, open a can and heat it in the microwave to drink as a nutritious pick me up.

Good luck!
 
Don't worry about Detta's stuff yet Jim, get used to
being on your own and doing some jobs yourself,
try to get back to some kind of normal which will
be hard enough.

As for the freezer, the ladies here have given you
some good advice and will continue to do so, but
here is some from a man's point of view, if you are
not sure what to do with some kind of food, go to
either Google or YouTube and ask, sometimes just
typing the name of it will get you thousands of ways
to cook it.

Good luck.

Mike.
 
Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I'll try the suggestions. That is why this place is home.........it's because you are here.
 
AZ Jim...did you wife have a cookbook or a recipe book she might have made up around the house? If so, look through the cookbook and look for the food stained pages...lol.

Regarding chicken broth...if you love gravy, got a great recipe for a basically healthy "delicious gravy" if you want it.
Nothing mystical about making a good 3 minute gravy out of the canned broth.

So agree with others who have said you'll know when its time..."wait till you feel up to it." My mother lived with us for 26 years and it took me a long time, years, before I could do it. Honestly, still have some stuff to clean out. Hey, maybe she's listening to us!
 

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