I think I was duped

In Buddhism, attachment is the tendency to cling to people, objects, ideas, or experiences, and it is considered a primary cause of suffering (dukkha) because it creates dissatisfaction and distress when things inevitably change or are lost. This clinging stems from a desire for permanence in an impermanent world. The goal is not to become detached from everything, but to release the grasping nature of attachment, which is associated with neediness, dependency, and a belief that happiness depends on external factors.
 

January said:
Or maybe she did intend to do as she said and genuinely does forget or can't find them. 🤷‍♀️
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That still leaves Deb without her cards and still makes this lady the responsible party. Why’s it so hard for you to take Debs side in this? You know Deb not the other person. Excuses excuses
 

Pepper said:
That still leaves Deb without her cards and still makes this lady the responsible party. Why’s it so hard for you to take Debs side in this? You know Deb not the other person. Excuses excuses
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I'm not taking anyone's side and I dont really know either person.
Giving somebody the benifit of the doubt rather than assuming ill intent isn't taking sides. 🤷‍♀️

Yes I know it still leaves Deb without her cards - but that doesn't mean the other lady didn't intend to do as she said and isn't genuinely forgetting or genuinely cant find them.
 
dusty said:
In Buddhism, attachment is the tendency to cling to people, objects, ideas, or experiences, and it is considered a primary cause of suffering (dukkha) because it creates dissatisfaction and distress when things inevitably change or are lost. This clinging stems from a desire for permanence in an impermanent world. The goal is not to become detached from everything, but to release the grasping nature of attachment, which is associated with neediness, dependency, and a belief that happiness depends on external factors.
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Amen!
Desire is the source of all misery.
 
When something like this happens, it isn't the value or importance of the item that causes the response of the OP. It is because you are more angry at yourself for trusting and believing the duper. "I should have known better" or "What was I thinking" to get involved with a dishonest, lying, (whatever adjective) person. It's a violation of trust. Been there, done that too many times. Nothing worse than being angry at yourself.

I would just quietly start telling everybody who goes there what she has done. If the violator does this with a deck of cards, she will do it with everything else if she thinks she can get away with it. And...it is the principle of the matter. She is a liar, cheater, and a thief.
 
GoodEnuff said:
When something like this happens, it isn't the value or importance of the item that causes the response of the OP. It is because you are more angry at yourself for trusting and believing the duper. "I should have known better" or "What was I thinking" to get involved with a dishonest, lying, (whatever adjective) person. It's a violation of trust. Been there, done that too many times. Nothing worse than being angry at yourself.

I would just quietly start telling everybody who goes there what she has done. If the violator does this with a deck of cards, she will do it with everything else if she thinks she can get away with it. And...it is the principle of the matter. She is a liar, cheater, and a thief.
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You might be right but, she might also be suffering from early dementia or something similar; maybe she forgets things, maybe she has other issues.

Many years ago, when the consequences of living to be an OAP were a mystery to me, I helped out in a local seniors' club. Some of the members reminded me of children - the upset if they couldn't get to sit in the chair they wanted, the anger if they lost a simple game, the hurt if they thought someone had given them a 'funny' look. One lady was banned because of her anger outbursts, not long afterwards she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Poor lady must have felt so confused and lonely after she was banned. We can have no idea what someone is coping with or what we might one day have to deal with ourselves.

Honestly, telling everybody about it would just be unkind. :(
 
Trish said:
You might be right but, she might also be suffering from early dementia or something similar; maybe she forgets things, maybe she has other issues.

Many years ago, when the consequences of living to be an OAP were a mystery to me, I helped out in a local seniors' club. Some of the members reminded me of children - the upset if they couldn't get to sit in the chair they wanted, the anger if they lost a simple game, the hurt if they thought someone had given them a 'funny' look. One lady was banned because of her anger outbursts, not long afterwards she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Poor lady must have felt so confused and lonely after she was banned. We can have no idea what someone is coping with or what we might one day have to deal with ourselves.

Honestly, telling everybody about it would just be unkind. :(
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Your post reminded me of something that happened years ago to a friend of mine. He had to go into London for some reason on the train. This was unusual as he normally rode his motorbike. Anyway, he had to go in on a commuter train, so climbed aboard, found an empty seat and sat down. At the next station an attractive young lady got onto the train and came straight over to him. He looked up expecting a smile, and instead found himself on the receiving end of a loud diatribe about sitting in 'her' seat.

He was rather nonplussed by this, as train seats on commuter trains are not bookable and he reminded her of this, and he just sat there bemused while she berated him loudly for all the carriage to hear. Eventually she shut up, and he pointed out to her that there were other seats available. However, she then started again, insisting that the seat he was occupying was hers and that she 'always' sat on that particular seat.

He chose to ignore her after the second outburst, but was rudely brought back to the situation when she sat on his lap! She remained there for the duration of the journey, and he told me that he found the situation absolutely bizarre, but being him, and rather stubborn, he refused to give in to the lady, and sat there stoicly putting up with her weight on his lap until one of them finally got off. I can't remember if it was him who got off or her, but I do remember his incredulity at her entitled attitude.

This happened when he was in his late 30's or thereabouts, and the young lady must have been in her 20s.
 
BJintheUK said:
Your post reminded me of something that happened years ago to a friend of mine. He had to go into London for some reason on the train. This was unusual as he normally rode his motorbike. Anyway, he had to go in on a commuter train, so climbed aboard, found an empty seat and sat down. At the next station an attractive young lady got onto the train and came straight over to him. He looked up expecting a smile, and instead found himself on the receiving end of a loud diatribe about sitting in 'her' seat.

He was rather nonplussed by this, as train seats on commuter trains are not bookable and he reminded her of this, and he just sat there bemused while she berated him loudly for all the carriage to hear. Eventually she shut up, and he pointed out to her that there were other seats available. However, she then started again, insisting that the seat he was occupying was hers and that she 'always' sat on that particular seat.

He chose to ignore her after the second outburst, but was rudely brought back to the situation when she sat on his lap! She remained there for the duration of the journey, and he told me that he found the situation absolutely bizarre, but being him, and rather stubborn, he refused to give in to the lady, and sat there stoicly putting up with her weight on his lap until one of them finally got off. I can't remember if it was him who got off or her, but I do remember his incredulity at her entitled attitude.

This happened when he was in his late 30's or thereabouts, and the young lady must have been in her 20s.
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Blimey! That was bizarre.
 
BJintheUK said:
Your post reminded me of something that happened years ago to a friend of mine. He had to go into London for some reason on the train. This was unusual as he normally rode his motorbike. Anyway, he had to go in on a commuter train, so climbed aboard, found an empty seat and sat down. At the next station an attractive young lady got onto the train and came straight over to him. He looked up expecting a smile, and instead found himself on the receiving end of a loud diatribe about sitting in 'her' seat.

He was rather nonplussed by this, as train seats on commuter trains are not bookable and he reminded her of this, and he just sat there bemused while she berated him loudly for all the carriage to hear. Eventually she shut up, and he pointed out to her that there were other seats available. However, she then started again, insisting that the seat he was occupying was hers and that she 'always' sat on that particular seat.

He chose to ignore her after the second outburst, but was rudely brought back to the situation when she sat on his lap! She remained there for the duration of the journey, and he told me that he found the situation absolutely bizarre, but being him, and rather stubborn, he refused to give in to the lady, and sat there stoicly putting up with her weight on his lap until one of them finally got off. I can't remember if it was him who got off or her, but I do remember his incredulity at her entitled attitude.

This happened when he was in his late 30's or thereabouts, and the young lady must have been in her 20s.
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Did that make the papers ?... I seem to remember a story like that from a few years ago.....
 
hollydolly said:
Did that make the papers ?... I seem to remember a story like that from a few years ago.....
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Dunno. Dave (my mate) told me about it one day when he came out to visit us. He was mystified by the girl's attitude, but being Dave, I know he wouldn't have given in to her. Instead he tried to calm her down, but when that didn't work he laughed at her, and I think that made things even worse for the girl. So out of sheer frustration at his attitude she just plonked herself down on his lap and hoped that doing so would shame him into moving. It didn't.
 
BJintheUK said:
Dunno. Dave (my mate) told me about it one day when he came out to visit us. He was mystified by the girl's attitude, but being Dave, I know he wouldn't have given in to her. Instead he tried to calm her down, but when that didn't work he laughed at her, and I think that made things even worse for the girl. So out of sheer frustration at his attitude she just plonked herself down on his lap and hoped that doing so would shame him into moving. It didn't.
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she clearly had mental issues didn't she ?... today Dave could have claimed against her saying she gave him ''issues''....:ROFLMAO:
 
debodun said:
I just wonder - if she already had a deck of cards, why she wanted the one I had won.
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She probably was annoyed that she didn’t win at Bingo and by getting you to give her the cards, she feels she won.

If I were at Bingo with her in a group, I might innocently ask her if was going to bring me the cards that we’d traded weeks ago. If nothing else, it might subtly let the other know that she doesn’t honour her promises. She may be notorious for this type of petty con game. Then I’d never say anything again.

In reality, I’d probably say nothing to her.
 
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IMO, does not matter how we feel about the situation, Someone wins something they collect and get cheated out of them by someone else is aggravating. She will be dealt with by Kara ma sometime in the future. :)
 
dusty said:
In Buddhism, attachment is the tendency to cling to people, objects, ideas, or experiences, and it is considered a primary cause of suffering (dukkha) because it creates dissatisfaction and distress when things inevitably change or are lost. This clinging stems from a desire for permanence in an impermanent world. The goal is not to become detached from everything, but to release the grasping nature of attachment, which is associated with neediness, dependency, and a belief that happiness depends on external factors.
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I'm familiar with the Buddhist view and have heard that which you've listed. Modern Psychology has this to say, with regard to Attachment Theory(childhood bonding with parent):
Quoted from AI view
Attachment theory is a psychological model explaining how early relationships with caregivers shape a child's emotional and social development and continue to influence adult relationships. It posits that infants have a biological drive to form a bond with a primary caregiver for safety and security, and the quality of this bond (the attachment style) is determined by the caregiver's responsiveness. The most common styles are secure, anxious-ambivalent, and avoidant, which are also seen in adult relationships.
Core concepts

Secure attachment: The caregiver is consistently responsive, and the child feels safe to explore, knowing they can rely on the caregiver for comfort when needed. This often leads to better self-esteem, resilience, and healthy relationships later in life.
Anxious-ambivalent attachment: The caregiver is inconsistently responsive, making the child anxious and clingy. This can lead to a fear of abandonment and insecurity in relationships.
Avoidant attachment: The caregiver is unresponsive or rejecting, leading the child to suppress their need for closeness and become overly independent.
Disorganized attachment: This style can develop when a child fears their caregiver, leading to unpredictable and confusing behavior when interacting with them.
Attachment styles are not fixed: While early experiences are crucial, attachment patterns can evolve over time, and individuals can learn to build more secure connections through new experiences.

How it influences development

The "secure base": The theory suggests that a secure attachment creates a "secure base" from which a child can explore the world and that this security is essential for emotional regulation and mental well-being.
Internal working models: The early attachment experiences create "internal working models"—mental blueprints for how to relate to others—that influence how individuals behave in relationships throughout their lives.
Lifelong impact: These patterns continue to influence how people approach romantic relationships, friendships, and even professional settings in adulthood.
 
I saw her this morning at senior BINGO and she didn't mention it. I didn't mention it. Believe me, this situation won't happen again with her. I guess that's what you get when you're a trusting person. I am usually willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt since I perceive that others have the same scruples that I do. If I made a promise to someone, I'd make sure I carried through unless there was a catastrophic reason I couldn't.
 
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