Bretrick
Well-known Member
- Location
- Perth Western Australia
Many/most families do stick together. Most families love each other.
Most families go out of their way to help each member become what ever it is they want to be.
Most family homes are the safest environment for us to be. Everyone has everyone else's back.
Most Families.
Then there is the other side.
The Toxic family member or family.
These situations are very bad for members who are not of that bent.
It saddens me immensely when I read how many people have families that are less than ideal.
So many people are living in a personal hell because of family members who use every means they can to belittle, tell lies about, gossip about, even physically beat their siblings, children.
For the victim in this situation, and you are a victim, this environment can, and does have lifetime consequences.
I have seen many families who seem to think that families are meant to be based on abuse, mental, physical, sexual, verbal or emotional. They seem to think that the family relationship is based on manipulation.
I want you to know that if this is your family environment then you are being used and abused.
When you are living in constant anxiety never knowing or being able to predict how any interaction is going to turn out, it is time to love yourself enough to let go.
The naysayers will try to convince you that we must stick by families no matter what.
I'm sure they are not going through what the abused family member is enduring.
There comes a time to end a relationship when the only contact you have with them is negative.
The contact you have with them serves to bring you down, put you down and/or make you feel you are not good enough, or you haven't done enough for them.
When the relationship creates so much stress that it affects the important areas of your life at work, home or both.
When your emotions are totally caught up in defending yourself and wanting to explain yourself and the chaos of your relationships with these people is all you talk about, it is time to let go.
If you find yourself obsessed with the gossip about you and trying to right wrong information, and you are constantly being ostracized to the point you are losing sleep over it, you are becoming poisoned with their toxicity.
Gossip only serves one family member to get others to gang up on you and you are left defenseless against the false beliefs about you being thrown your way.
Always remember that toxic family members are bullies and there is usually a ring leader gathering their siblings for the assault and because they are joined together, you begin to wonder whether it is you that is the problem.
YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM.
Ask yourself, Do you want someone in your life who’s actively opposed to making your life better?
Do you start to doubt that you are a good person and do you tell yourself that maybe they are right?
One of the ways we are brought down by this toxicity is that we become toxic ourselves. We actually take on some of those same qualities of those whom you resent. It is called them bringing you down to their level.
Before you become that person, get out.
Not always easy to do but an absolute necessity if you want to remain sane. If you want to remain healthy, if you want positive self esteem.
Staying in a toxic environment WILL destroy you as a person. It will make you bitter and resentful. It will poison any future relationships you may have in the future because you would have become the epitome of that which you have so despised.
You owe your toxic family nothing. You certainly do not owe them an explanation if and when you walk out on them.
Now the hardest part of all this is that when you make the break, it must be a complete break. Because without doubt, if you allow them back in they will continue where they left off. Belittling you, abusing you, et al.
An easier thing to do after you have made the break is to write yourself a letter as a sort of dress rehearsal for an in-person conversation.
Because you may want to, down the track, to reengage with your family/sibling.
You will be surprised at how easy it is to write that letter. Pick up a pen and the words will flow. I assure you. Also very cathartic. You will feel refreshed simply putting all your thoughts down on paper.
I do not write this post with a glib attitude. Moving away from family is not an easy decision to make.
You just need your own space for awhile to find the real you. Not influenced by those who want nothing better than to see you fail in life.
I wish you well.
Remember, you are a good person and you deserve happiness, as we all do.
Most families go out of their way to help each member become what ever it is they want to be.
Most family homes are the safest environment for us to be. Everyone has everyone else's back.
Most Families.
Then there is the other side.
The Toxic family member or family.
These situations are very bad for members who are not of that bent.
It saddens me immensely when I read how many people have families that are less than ideal.
So many people are living in a personal hell because of family members who use every means they can to belittle, tell lies about, gossip about, even physically beat their siblings, children.
For the victim in this situation, and you are a victim, this environment can, and does have lifetime consequences.
I have seen many families who seem to think that families are meant to be based on abuse, mental, physical, sexual, verbal or emotional. They seem to think that the family relationship is based on manipulation.
I want you to know that if this is your family environment then you are being used and abused.
When you are living in constant anxiety never knowing or being able to predict how any interaction is going to turn out, it is time to love yourself enough to let go.
The naysayers will try to convince you that we must stick by families no matter what.
I'm sure they are not going through what the abused family member is enduring.
There comes a time to end a relationship when the only contact you have with them is negative.
The contact you have with them serves to bring you down, put you down and/or make you feel you are not good enough, or you haven't done enough for them.
When the relationship creates so much stress that it affects the important areas of your life at work, home or both.
When your emotions are totally caught up in defending yourself and wanting to explain yourself and the chaos of your relationships with these people is all you talk about, it is time to let go.
If you find yourself obsessed with the gossip about you and trying to right wrong information, and you are constantly being ostracized to the point you are losing sleep over it, you are becoming poisoned with their toxicity.
Gossip only serves one family member to get others to gang up on you and you are left defenseless against the false beliefs about you being thrown your way.
Always remember that toxic family members are bullies and there is usually a ring leader gathering their siblings for the assault and because they are joined together, you begin to wonder whether it is you that is the problem.
YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM.
Ask yourself, Do you want someone in your life who’s actively opposed to making your life better?
Do you start to doubt that you are a good person and do you tell yourself that maybe they are right?
One of the ways we are brought down by this toxicity is that we become toxic ourselves. We actually take on some of those same qualities of those whom you resent. It is called them bringing you down to their level.
Before you become that person, get out.
Not always easy to do but an absolute necessity if you want to remain sane. If you want to remain healthy, if you want positive self esteem.
Staying in a toxic environment WILL destroy you as a person. It will make you bitter and resentful. It will poison any future relationships you may have in the future because you would have become the epitome of that which you have so despised.
You owe your toxic family nothing. You certainly do not owe them an explanation if and when you walk out on them.
Now the hardest part of all this is that when you make the break, it must be a complete break. Because without doubt, if you allow them back in they will continue where they left off. Belittling you, abusing you, et al.
An easier thing to do after you have made the break is to write yourself a letter as a sort of dress rehearsal for an in-person conversation.
Because you may want to, down the track, to reengage with your family/sibling.
You will be surprised at how easy it is to write that letter. Pick up a pen and the words will flow. I assure you. Also very cathartic. You will feel refreshed simply putting all your thoughts down on paper.
I do not write this post with a glib attitude. Moving away from family is not an easy decision to make.
You just need your own space for awhile to find the real you. Not influenced by those who want nothing better than to see you fail in life.
I wish you well.
Remember, you are a good person and you deserve happiness, as we all do.
