I was called a bully today :(

Colleen

Colleen

Senior Member
Location
Pennsylvania
I'm feeling a bit sad because I was called a bully today. I certainly had NO intentions of starting a discussion that would harm anyone. Maybe, in this day and age, when everything is taken to heart and if you make a remark or comment that offends someone (even though you didn't mean it to offend) you're called a bully. Here's what happened and you tell me if I was bullying. It scares me to even ask this because I don't want to be thought of as a bully, but here goes.....

I belong to a lot of Facebook (ya, I know...there's the problem right there...right?) quilting groups and for the most part these groups only talk quilting and keep politics, etc. out of it, which is good. In one of my groups today there was a lady that posted a long post about a quilting question but she didn't use any punctuation or capital letters so her post was one long continuous sentence. It was very hard to read (for me) and I should have just skipped over it without saying anything. I've done that a lot but today, for some reason, I didn't and I asked if she would please use punctuation the next time she posted because it was hard to read. I didn't mean anything mean-spirited but it was like I had asked her to cut off her right arm. I got so much flack and I was called a bully and was told I should leave the group if I was going to be such a bully.

I was so upset. I deleted my comment and I've left the group. Was this bullying???
 

Colleen said:
I'm feeling a bit sad because I was called a bully today. I certainly had NO intentions of starting a discussion that would harm anyone. Maybe, in this day and age, when everything is taken to heart and if you make a remark or comment that offends someone (even though you didn't mean it to offend) you're called a bully. Here's what happened and you tell me if I was bullying. It scares me to even ask this because I don't want to be thought of as a bully, but here goes.....

I belong to a lot of Facebook (ya, I know...there's the problem right there...right?) quilting groups and for the most part these groups only talk quilting and keep politics, etc. out of it, which is good. In one of my groups today there was a lady that posted a long post about a quilting question but she didn't use any punctuation or capital letters so her post was one long continuous sentence. It was very hard to read (for me) and I should have just skipped over it without saying anything. I've done that a lot but today, for some reason, I didn't and I asked if she would please use punctuation the next time she posted because it was hard to read. I didn't mean anything mean-spirited but it was like I had asked her to cut off her right arm. I got so much flack and I was called a bully and was told I should leave the group if I was going to be such a bully.

I was so upset. I deleted my comment and I've left the group. Was this bullying???
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If you asked her politely, I certainly don't consider it bullying or mean-spirited. I'd think whomever said you were were over-reacting.
 
I don't think that pointing out posting etiquette is bullying. There were an awful lot of ALL CAPS posts in forums ten years ago. They stopped because other people pointed out that using caps so liberally was the text equivalent to shouting. People got mad and defensive, but they stopped the behavior.

It's very difficult to read posts that aren't punctuated or broken up by paragraphs. Personally, when in doubt I add another paragraph break. Shorter paragraphs are far easier for people to visually track. Politely mentioning to someone that their posts are difficult to read because of a lack of punctuation isn't bullying.

I'd have been upset too, Colleen. Your heart was in the right place, I think. The poster became defensive though and once others jumped on her bandwagon there wasn't much hope to right the ship.

For the record, your actions were not those of a bully.

bul·ly[SUP]1[/SUP]
ˈbo͝olē/
noun
[COLOR=#878787 !important][/COLOR]

  • 1.
    a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.
    synonyms:persecutor, oppressor, tyrant, tormentor, intimidator; tough guy, thug, ruffian, strong-arm;
    cyberbully
    "the school bully"








 

I don't think you were a bully at all. You were only asking for something to be more readable when it wasn't. I have a very hard time with those kinds of postings too and extremely long paragraphs. Sorry they treated you badly-sounds like they ganged up on you and they were bullying.
 
Of course you weren't bullying, Colleen. Was it just this one person who accused you of bullying her, or was there a clique? It sounds like you raised your head above the parapet of a clique and was harpooned..sad to say!!
 
Absolutely not, Colleen!
An office memo email from a co-worker, who had been promoted, was sent to me recently. Most of the capitals and punctuation were missing. Like you said, a big run on sentence. I'm just shaking my head.
 
jujube said:
I see no bullying there. People are prone to run up the "bullying flag" these days.
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ClassicRockr said:
Totally agree! Just like those that say others words to, or about people or a person, when they don't get what they want.
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Yes, I notice the phrase "PERSONAL ATTACK!" is spread liberally throughout some intentionally provocative threads, by the OP (of those threads), when someone dares to disagree. Just a tactic that fools some people, imo.
 
Personally, I think the word bullying is overused these days. It's meant to shame anyone who disagrees with another. No you were not bullying. If you correct someone's grammar or spelling (and I say this as a grammar Nazi myself) you are going to get heck for it, no matter if you are in the right. Many people take criticism very poorly, especially when it hits home. They also don't recognize that, in turning on you, they are doing exactly what they accused you of. Having said that, I would have gritted my teeth and moved on without comment. If a person needs help, but cannot state their problem in cogent terms, then that's on them.
 
I don't see this a bullying, but it seems the poster felt embarrassed when you pointed out her lack of basic writing skills in front of the group and may have complained to another member.
 
Colleen, I think you know you did nothing wrong; you certainly weren't bullying (an overused term).

What I saw was dogpiling - a pathetic 8th grade clique on a forum bands together to jump on someone to try to intimidate. :rolleyes: They can't resist jumping into the fray. (It used to happen frequently here at SF, although I haven't seen it much recently.)

Where you made your mistake was deleting your comment and leaving. You need to stop worrying about it. :)
 
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You weren't a bully at all Colleen, and it's probably too late to reverse anything, but I certainly wouldn't have deleted my comment and left the group. That sounds to me like you were unjustly called a name and you punished yourself a second time by leaving a group that I assume you enjoyed.

I've seen people write posts with 15 lines of run on sentence, no periods or capital letters, extremely hard to read and understand, and very inconsiderate of them to do so. You should have been thanked for bringing it to the poster's attention. It's not the same as jumping on someone's typo or spelling at all, people who make a big deal about those things are bullies in my opinion and only want to insult the other person.
 
You were not being a bully Colleen. If the lady isn't going to write in a manner that others can read she should get in a regular quilting group and forget about being online. I understood that several people complained to you about your behavior. If that is the case I'd have left the group too as who needs to hang out with folks who act that way? If only one or 2 called you a bully I'd have stayed in and left your comment. Even if I'd left I don't think I would have removed the comment.
 
Thanks everyone for the encouraging remarks. I went to bed last night so upset that I could hardly sleep. I meant no harm to her. I did ask her to please (and I did say please) use punctuation the next time she posted and I ended the request with a smiley face emoji.

I was jumped on from several people, at least 10 or more, that said I was a bully. I removed my comment and removed myself from the group because I felt their reaction was inappropriate. I'm 71...who needs the abuse?? I have other quilting groups so this one is no big loss.

I'm at fault that I shouldn't have said anything. I've passed over a ton of postings in the past (and almost daily) that incorrect spelling but I've never commented about it...even though it drives me nuts. Lesson learned...just keep going and don't say anything. Everyone these days is so touchy about everything that you have to be really careful.

Thanks again for the affirmation :)
 
I'm exactly like you ,Colleen ! Bad spelling and punctuation drives me nuts ! I've politely pointed it out a few times and it never fails --- someone will call me the "grammar police" and more people jump on the bandwagon and blah blah blah. I have a very thin skin and it hurts when people do that. I guess that just shows their ignorance . Don't worry,Colleen ..... you have a great group of people here that won't do that to you !
 
Colleen - FWIW I don't know if you've noticed but I'm a straight-shooter. Pa-Pow! :laugh:
By that I mean if I felt you were wrong I would have told you.

However, being so upset about a forum clique that it spoiled your evening and going to bed upset about it isn't healthy. Don't do that to yourself. Life is too short. And don't be afraid to speak your mind in a non-offensive manner.
 
I belong to a frugal life group and there is 1 woman poster on there that does this same exact thing...no one has ever said anything to her that I know if but I tend to skip over her posts because as you said,they're very difficult to read.
On a lighter note I sent one of my favorite sister in laws an email a while ago,she sent it back with all the punctuation corrected and the paragraphs indented...we laughed about it for years she would tease me about my run on sentences and I would call her the grammar nazi:)
I don't think you were a bully at all .
 
I don't think that is bullying. A pet peeve of mine (and believe me, there are many) is people that can't spell or use proper grammar. I proof my posts since I am a terrible typist, and still errors creep in here and there.

Someone that types in all capital letters is also rude. I would call those posters annoying and they do not like to be called out on it - it is pointing out their own ignorance.
 
You were not a bully at all! She may be one of those people that think they "know it all" and doesn't like to be corrected. Also, she could be one of those types that will get upset over anything. But, if she wants and needs help, she will get more if she uses punctuation and capitals because this will make it so much easier for people to understand.
 
Hi Colleen,you were not the bully,I find it incredible this woman would call you that.
She needs to realized she made a terrible mistake,owes you an apology as do the others in this group. I sense they are too afraid to say something to her,if that's the case they need to get a life and grow up! Sue
 

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