If You Were Single Would You Loan Your Partner Money?

I gave a gift to help her pay for an expensive car repair. When I handed her the check, she went pale and said in a shocked voice, "there are three zeros there".
In her life, nobody had ever done anything like that for her.
We will be celebrating our 18th anniversary tomorrow.
 
Been There said:
I am just curious. I have been seeing a really nice woman now for just over 7 months. She needs to have her roof and spouting replaced for a total of $18,000. She said she really doesn’t have enough money, but she has a line of credit with the bank that would more than cover it, but she would be paying a high interest rate. I asked her how much she was short and she told me that she would need $6000. I offered to loan her the money interest free, but she turned me down. I asked her why would she want to pay the interest when she can get it at no charge.

She did add that she could cash in a T-bill, but it’s paying a good rate so she wants to hold onto it.

She told me that she wants to keep our relationship the way it is now. Borrowing or loaning money can change a person’s attitude toward the other.
Would you loan money to your supposed partner? Should I offer to give her the money with no strings attached?
Click to expand...
You made a nice gesture, wise or not. She gave you a very responsible answer. That should be the end of the matter, in my opinion.
 

Been There said:
I am just curious. I have been seeing a really nice woman now for just over 7 months. She needs to have her roof and spouting replaced for a total of $18,000. She said she really doesn’t have enough money, but she has a line of credit with the bank that would more than cover it, but she would be paying a high interest rate. I asked her how much she was short and she told me that she would need $6000. I offered to loan her the money interest free, but she turned me down. I asked her why would she want to pay the interest when she can get it at no charge.

She did add that she could cash in a T-bill, but it’s paying a good rate so she wants to hold onto it.

She told me that she wants to keep our relationship the way it is now. Borrowing or loaning money can change a person’s attitude toward the other.
Would you loan money to your supposed partner? Should I offer to give her the money with no strings attached?
Click to expand...
I wouldn't do it. That shows a lot for her character to turn you down. She sounds like a keeper.
 
TeePee said:
He supposedly is out drilling oil off the coast of Louisianna.
Click to expand...
The Louisiana oil drilling catfishing scam is one of the oldest. Please google "Louisiana Oil Drilling Scams" and research it... AI had a lot of information I copied for you, but I won't paste it and take over the thread. But it's all there. There are also numbers for the FTC and FBI to report these oil drilling scams. @TeePee
 
Been There said:
Would you loan money to your supposed partner? Should I offer to give her the money with no strings attached?
Click to expand...

no and no

because there will be emotional strings attached anyway and she has wisely said no already.

I would maybe lend money to somebody reliable in my own family but not to an independent partner I am not living with at 7 months into relationship.
 
CallMeKate said:
The Louisiana oil drilling catfishing scam is one of the oldest. Please google "Louisiana Oil Drilling Scams" and research it... AI had a lot of information I copied for you, but I won't paste it and take over the thread. But it's all there. There are also numbers for the FTC and FBI to report these oil drilling scams. @TeePee
Click to expand...

I would show it to my friend, but like I said, she won't discuss it. I'm sure she's embarrassed to admit to it. It's too bad, because she's a very nice person. She had an ex that took advantage of her too financially. She's just one of those people that's gullible when it comes to men.
 
Bear in mind that people in relationships, do talk about the things that are going on in their lives, they are not asking for solutions or help, they are just sounding out their plans and options. I think you should just listen and give advice if you can but, don't offer financial help that she has already refused.

If it were me, I would be very wary of loaning or gifting money to someone you are dating. Your girlfriend is right, it does change the balance of things. (y)
 
Possibly but not probable. If I was in a relationship, no matter how long, I'd rather for us each to work out our own financial issues. I would hope that if either of us had to borrow that we'd go to someone else. To me, it would keep the relationship more mature and help us to continue to respect each other. We wouldn't have to reveal to each other everything that's happening in our lives either. Sometimes, what is supposed to be a casual mention is a covert request for financial help. I've been through enough hard times to know. Good relationships are hard enough as it is without the added strain of money being owed. And I'd be more inclined to respect a man who didn't ask me.

@Been There I think her sharing the issue with you, in this case, put strain on the relationship. Now, there's the questions. Why won't she take my offer? Why did she tell me? Maybe if I keep offering she'll accept. Should I just give it to her? And that's my point. If a person is going to work out their problem, don't share it. There are plenty of other things to talk about.

I do understand that sometimes people share problems because they hope the person can provide insight or suggest non-personal-financial-support solutions. That's different than covertly asking for financial support. If I was asking for insight, I'd make that plain, and the person would have to know me well enough to know that I meant it. I hope your relationship grows and strengthens, if that's what you want. 💞
 
I would follow my heart in such matters.
If you need to get the advice of others, it indicates there are some doubts about the relationship.
A golf "partner" is more of a casual arrangement.
A trapeze "partner" involves a great deal more trust.
It would be unwise to mistake one for the other.
 
Last edited:
If you offered to loan her the money and she didn’t accept the offer, I would be satisfied that I did my part. Whatever you decide, don’t “give” her the money. I doubt if she’s running a scam on you, but you are still early in your relationship and I don’t think enough trust has been built yet to be giving money away.
 
I have a personal rule about loaning money. If I can’t afford to do without it/give it as a gift, then I won’t loan it. It’s a rule that’s served me well over the years, based on the idea that if I never got the money back would I still be ok financially?

And in a couple cases, if it was one of my kids doing the asking, I DID give it as a gift, and made that very clear, with zero assumption of payback. Nonetheless the children involved did pay it back in spite of my protests!
 
You offered…she declined. All good. If my partner needed money I would give it in a heartbeat. Very very early in our relationship I had to come up with several thousand cash overnight…he went to his safe and handed me the cash. I payed him back two weeks later. We have been together 24 years now. Our finances are mostly separate…but if I need it he would cut an arm off for me…
 
Muskrat said:
You offered…she declined. All good. If my partner needed money I would give it in a heartbeat. Very very early in our relationship I had to come up with several thousand cash overnight…he went to his safe and handed me the cash. I payed him back two weeks later. We have been together 24 years now. Our finances are mostly separate…but if I need it he would cut an arm off for me…
Click to expand...

When I was younger, I might have considered a smaller amount if it was someone, I was in a long-term relationship with. Beings I'm older now, I couldn't financially take the risk. My husband gave me $7,000 to put on a down payment on a car a few years ago. As soon as I had the money, I paid him back. He never asked for it back, but it was a big chunk of change, and I'd felt bad if I hadn't paid it back.
 
Thanks for all the input. It was appreciated. The consensus is that “I offered and she refused, so leave it alone.” That’s what I’m going to do. I have loaned money to other people, but not this amount and I never got burned. Lucky, I guess.

Thanks again.
 
Been There said:
Thanks for all the input. It was appreciated. The consensus is that “I offered and she refused, so leave it alone.” That’s what I’m going to do. I have loaned money to other people, but not this amount and I never got burned. Lucky, I guess.

Thanks again.
Click to expand...
You can't go wrong with that advice @Been There

The good news is that your girlfriend does not sound like someone who takes advantage. i think the message is to let her solve her own problems and you just be a good listener. :)
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top