Infidelity, betrayal, and forgiveness, try again, yes, or no?

LadyEmeraude

LadyEmeraude

Northwest Washington State, USA
Your feelings and thoughts on this topic. This topic is open ended
and can include a wide range of infidelities, types of betrayals and
also types of forgiveness.
 
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Not anymore. Maybe 10-15 years ago. Mostly because I don't have the energy to expend on dealing with it. Forgiveness should be easy but I have gotten too many long sermons about forgiveness from passive-agressive people who hold grudges. Two-way street, or set up a do not enter barrier, and forget about it.
 
Haha! My first husband was on stage nightly and chose the prettiest girl in the audience every night to sleep with.
Let's see, also a wife beater, child beater, thief, liar, druggie, (I could go on and on) He wasn't a nice person.
After we split up, he begged to come back.
Uh, . . . . No.
Now, I feel sorry for him, forgive him and hope he becomes a better person and grows in his heart.
To hate him and not forgive him would only hurt ME.
To hate is the most cruel thing you can do to yourself.
But, that was EONS ago, almost another life!
It took a long time before I trusted again though and my second husband was chosen carefully.
 
LadyEmeraude said:
Your feelings and thoughts on this topic. This topic is open ended
and can include a wide range of infidelities, types of betrayals and
also types of forgiveness.
Click to expand...
I think we should always aim to forgive. That is the best for our own emotional and mental sanity. However, that does not mean you have to 'take them back' or even be close friends. Just wish them well and mean it and move on if you can
 
The most crushing thing for me was the amount of lying she did over the years she had the affair. It literally had to be at least 100 lies a year minimum.
Direct lying and lies of omission were frequent and easily done. That hurts more than her sexual contact with the other man. Another hurt is the damage done to our children. I had to pick up the pieces of my life as well as be strong for them.
All this was done by people very actively involved with their churches. The Devil must have been joyous.
 
Brookswood said:
The most crushing thing for me was the amount of lying she did over the years she had the affair. It literally had to be at least 100 lies a year minimum.
Direct lying and lies of omission were frequent and easily done. That hurts more than her ****** contact with the other man. Another hurt is the damage done to our children. I had to pick up the pieces of my life as well as be strong for them.
All this was done by people very actively involved with their churches. The Devil must have been joyous.
Click to expand...
Yes! This was the same for me. The damage done to the children was the worst of all of it!
 
Forgiving is fine If it helps one avoid being bitter and obsessing over the betrayal. Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. That’s not smart.

But, I won’t ever be friends with somebody who treats me that badly. Why set myself up to be kicked in the rear again?
 
Betrayal hurts very bad. Still I was willing to forgive and then he had a massive heart attack and died. There were many feelings to deal with. Long time ago and the pain is gone. One thing he said to me about our relationship was "neither one of us has good sense.". So true. Sometimes I think I have forgiven. I'm not sure.
 
Brookswood said:
The most crushing thing for me was the amount of lying she did over the years she had the affair. It literally had to be at least 100 lies a year minimum.
Direct lying and lies of omission were frequent and easily done. That hurts more than her ****** contact with the other man. Another hurt is the damage done to our children. I had to pick up the pieces of my life as well as be strong for them.
All this was done by people very actively involved with their churches. The Devil must have been joyous.
Click to expand...
Ain't that the truth!
The guy my wife cheated on me with was also active in the church, a "Christian," married with 3 young kids.
"Forgive?" "Forget?" I was neutral on forgiving because I never gave her a second thought after our divorce.
When she became terminally ill 7 years ago & died 6 years ago, she wanted me to visit. I couldn't be bothered; I had other things to do.
Just to clarify, cheating wasn't her only betrayal.
 
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Infidelity, betrayal, and forgiveness, try again, yes, or no?​



LadyEmeraude said:
our feelings and thoughts on this topic. This topic is open ended
and can include a wide range of infidelities, types of betrayals and
also types of forgiveness.
Click to expand...

There're just too many variables to say one way or another

One would have to lay out their personal experiences

Won't

Not here

Not anywhere
 
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