Instinctively knowing something is wrong concerning your child

[grahamg]

Yes, this sort of situation is happening more and more as the stigma of broken marriages has gone.
I didn't answer your question because I haven't been in that situation myself. As a mother of 3 (all with the same father), I really cannot understand any mother standing by and allowing her child to be abused...and it can't happen without the mother knowing. A mother's natural instincts would be to protect her child. I have proved already that I become violent when my child is threatened, and this is the natural reaction.

Sorry I repeated my question, it wasn't fair of me to do so.

I'm not so sure all mother do know if their new boyfriend is abusing the stepchild, and if they do suspect it the embarrassment must be dreadful too. This is another one of the reasons I suggest having the natural father having contact can prove at least an extra check, without the same constraints the mother might feel, although he too mustn't go making unfounded allegations in what has to be an awkward situation, should it occur.

I never had to make any accusations of this kind thankfully, and my ex. I believe had a similar mentality to your own, (not sue about the violence bit, but then again she did describe herself as a warrior), and she wouldn't have permitted abuse of our daughter, and would almost undoubtedly have known.

I did once try to tell my ex. of the stress I felt was being put upon our daughter when stuck in the middle of us two, but new daddy took this as a cue to come outside, and demonstrate how close he was to my daughter, and allege I'd called her "mental", (luckily this was a rare event, and in general I believe he treated my daughter reasonably well whilst she was growing up, before he and my ex. split up).