Intimacy & Older Age

I'm 88 and have been married to the same woman for 63 years. We have 2 kids, 6 great grandkids and 3 great great grandkids. We haven't had any sex for 40 years but we are good friends and caregivers for each other. My Geriatrician visits me every 2 months and I feel I could see Jesus any day now. I can barely walk and have all kinds of other health issues. I try to walk 6,000 steps each day to stay out of a wheel chair.

I can only hope I have a quick death since slow deaths are so horrific. My brother died at 83, my dad died at 72 and my granddad died at 68.

My eyes are also failing and I use cotton rounds with warm water on my eyes about 8 times per day and then use Extra Strength Thera Tears after the compresses.

At my age just waking up alive every day is my major achievement!
 
Mitch86 said:
My eyes are also failing and I use cotton rounds with warm water on my eyes about 8 times per day
Click to expand...
Can I suggest a Bruder (that’s a brand name) eye mask. You heat it for 20 seconds in the microwave and lie down for a few minutes. It’s quite relaxing. It produces a moist heat.
Don’t try this with an ordinary microwave bag. They’re dry heat. You can buy them on Amazon or your optometrist will have them or a similar brand.
 
Timewise 60+ said:
My wife and I have been married for almost 52 years now. My physical desire for her is still very strong, although she is a lot harder for me to catch, than it used to be. All joking aside, we are still very intimate both mentally and physically. Not as much as when we were dating, but just as strong a desire for each other. Unfortunately, over the last few years I have had some male physical issues that stopped me from having traditional relations. Recent advancements in treatment options have solved that issue. It is now not medication (headache), or injections (ouch), it is something like sound waves...guys, see your doctor if you are having problems.... this new treatment is amazing!
Click to expand...
Hmmm. Must be the sound waves do something beneficial to the blood vessels in the area. And it's permanent? Or long lasting? Months, years? I have heard of this treatment, but was skeptical.

I know the medications can and do cause permanent deafness in one ear, on very rare occasions, but who wants to risk deafness?

Thanks for the 'heads up' about the sound waves!
 
horseless carriage said:
Many people seem to believe that libido inevitably fades with age, and that elderly folk who are still interested in sex are abnormal. This idea is largely mythical. In actuality, ****** desire depends more on a state of mind and emotional attitudes than on chronological age. Generally speaking, it’s normal to have an ongoing interest in sex throughout adult life. Like the young, older people experience the full range of human feelings and emotions. They, too, need love and affection.

Interest in, and capacity for sex, continues throughout life. Self-image, like no longer feeling attractive, can have an adverse effect, just don't believe the adverts that only portray the young and beautiful. It can also be affected, of course, by illness, aches and pains, complications of surgical procedures and other physical problems that accompany the aging process.

Bear in mind that ****** intimacy in marriage is a lifelong process. Different forms of expression may be appropriate at different phases in the development of the relationship, in youth and old age, in times of stress and times of joy, during pregnancy, childbirth and child-rearing, during and after menopause, the list could go on and on.

Where pain or physical incapacity has limited certain types of ****** activity, it’s worth remembering that ****** intercourse per se is not necessarily the only option for physical intimacy. Touch, physical closeness, skin-to-skin contact, even intimate conversation can be extremely satisfying in the absence of other forms of ****** pleasure. At every stage of life, healthy attitudes toward marital sex should be characterised by candour, vulnerability, flexibility, and willingness to communicate.
Click to expand...
 
and testosterone levels in my case...I have my dr. check a couple of times a year and frankly that is what keeps my interest and my heath up.. no pun intended on "up" things like touch, quite comments sniff of scent etc.--hooray for old savagery replaced with finesses longer and more instense appreciation
 
It is now going on 8 months since my wife passed from cancer, and even before that, she was sick for so long, so intimacy of any type simply wasn't a reality. So it's been some time for me, but the desire is still strong. I think exercise is key, not just for men, but for women as well. It keeps the blood flowing to all parts of the body and keeps the circulatory system in good shape, which I think is a great benefit.

Granted, I have no idea if it helps with hormones and menopause, but I think if a man is romantic enough in nature, it can act as quite a stimulant for whatever is there. The mind body connection is simply amazing, and if you can get the mind in the mood, it can go a long way to getting the body to respond. Just my opinion.
 
Mitch86 said:
I'm 88 and have been married to the same woman for 63 years. We have 2 kids, 6 great grandkids and 3 great great grandkids. We haven't had any sex for 40 years but we are good friends and caregivers for each other. My Geriatrician visits me every 2 months and I feel I could see Jesus any day now. I can barely walk and have all kinds of other health issues. I try to walk 6,000 steps each day to stay out of a wheel chair.

I can only hope I have a quick death since slow deaths are so horrific. My brother died at 83, my dad died at 72 and my granddad died at 68.

My eyes are also failing and I use cotton rounds with warm water on my eyes about 8 times per day and then use Extra Strength Thera Tears after the compresses.

At my age just waking up alive every day is my major achievement!
Click to expand...
Struth Mitch I always feel sorry for you, cheer up fella at our ages we live on our memories. You have been married for 63 years and I have had sex with about 63 women, not a lot for the average guy, but enough to learn the finer art of passion and what a woman wants. Not suggesting all were love and romance, more brief encounters mixed with passionate encounters. The only problem is some I barely remember, let alone remember their names. These days my interest in the other sex is about zero, but it hasn't been 40 years.
Then you mention dying in pain, with you on that one. I died, fine one moment and dead the next, and never knew a thing until they resuscitated me. Now as you mention I have to die again and in what fashion?
Don't worry fella, I reckon many on forums die mentally at 50, but now and again one comes along still breathing. I do miss fishing I admit and the odd dash at 100mph plus in the car, then for any enjoyable motoring, this county is the utter pits.
 
bobcat said:
I have no idea if it helps with hormones and menopause, but I think if a man is romantic enough in nature, it can act as quite a stimulant for whatever is there. The mind body connection is simply amazing, and if you can get the mind in the mood, it can go a long way to getting the body to respond. Just my opinion.
Click to expand...
@bobcat, Romance is lovely, but it doesn’t stimulate desire and physical response if the woman in question has flatlined in that department, as I have. In my dating years before Ron, I got SO tired of being looked upon as a challenge by men when I left them know that s e x wasn’t important to me because I no longer experienced desire or physical response.

Yes, it’s a sweet way to be emotionally closer, and Ron and I are intimate, but for me there are no fireworks, no buildup, though there is for Ron, which is totally fine because I don’t feel the physical desire so there’s no frustration.

When I was dating, I deeply resented the intimation by men that I just hadn’t been with the “right” man. A man who knew his way around a woman’s body. A man who could light that fire. Give me a break! 😡

I just wanted to be heard and respected for what I wanted from and in the relationship. Until Ron, it just didn’t happen. I’m not alone in this. I’ve discussed this with many of my women friends, the majority of whom have the same complaint.

So if you decide to date again at some point, please don’t dive into the dating pool with the idea that you’re going to be able “light her fire” because of what you said above. Please, for her sake, listen to what she’s telling you. ❤️
 
So there you are Bob, listen to what she is saying. Chances are, she is going to be somebody else's disregard or multi/multi disregard, and you will have to listen to what she is saying, or else. Women of substance, feelings and passionate response have no need for dating sites, rare as they are in a lifetime.
 
Ronni said:
@bobcat, Romance is lovely, but it doesn’t stimulate desire and physical response if the woman in question has flatlined in that department, as I have. In my dating years before Ron, I got SO tired of being looked upon as a challenge by men when I left them know that s e x wasn’t important to me because I no longer experienced desire or physical response.

Yes, it’s a sweet way to be emotionally closer, and Ron and I are intimate, but for me there are no fireworks, no buildup, though there is for Ron, which is totally fine because I don’t feel the physical desire so there’s no frustration.

When I was dating, I deeply resented the intimation by men that I just hadn’t been with the “right” man. A man who knew his way around a woman’s body. A man who could light that fire. Give me a break! 😡

I just wanted to be heard and respected for what I wanted from and in the relationship. Until Ron, it just didn’t happen. I’m not alone in this. I’ve discussed this with many of my women friends, the majority of whom have the same complaint.

So if you decide to date again at some point, please don’t dive into the dating pool with the idea that you’re going to be able “light her fire” because of what you said above. Please, for her sake, listen to what she’s telling you. ❤️
Click to expand...
I don't think you carefully read what I said. I said "I have no idea if exercise would help with any hormones or menopause". I also said that romance can act as a stimulant to whatever is there. Obviously, if there is nothing there, then there is nothing to stimulate. So I think we are really on the same page, but just wanted to clarify that I wasn't implying that romance or exercise is a fix all, because it isn't.

As for me and dating, I have absolutely no expectations about lighting anyone's fire, however I will say this. If sex is totally off the table, it would take a lot for me to just abandon that desire. That's not to say it is totally a deal breaker, but being celibate would be a serious commitment I would have to really think long and hard about. For some, it may be a much easier decision.
 
I'm 88 and married to the same woman for 63 years. We've had 2 kids, 6 grandkids and 3 great grandkids. We have NOT had any sexual relations for 40 years and neither of us miss it. I play a lot of computer games and manage the finances and my wife takes care or our house and makes the meals.

Both of us are very happy and there is no sex at all between us. My sex organ stopped working 40 years ago!
 
bobcat said:
I don't think you carefully read what I said. I said "I have no idea if exercise would help with any hormones or menopause". I also said that romance can act as a stimulant to whatever is there. Obviously, if there is nothing there, then there is nothing to stimulate. So I think we are really on the same page, but just wanted to clarify that I wasn't implying that romance or exercise is a fix all, because it isn't.
Click to expand...

Ok then I didn’t interpret correctly what you were saying. My apologies.
bobcat said:
As for me and dating, I have absolutely no expectations about lighting anyone's fire, however I will say this. If sex is totally off the table, it would take a lot for me to just abandon that desire. That's not to say it is totally a deal breaker, but being celibate would be a serious commitment I would have to really think long and hard about. For some, it may be a much easier decision.
Click to expand...
Just so we’re clear, and without getting into gritty details, s e x is definitely NOT off the table for Ron and me. He is still very virile and absolutely not celibate. Quite the contrary!!

It’s simply that he’s adjusted his expectations about the experience. His performance is not tied to my physical response. I enjoy the closeness and intimate nature of our s e x life, as does he. That there is a release for him but not for me (because I don’t experience that buildup so don't require one) is understood, accepted and the norm for us and we are both happy about the experience.
 
Ronni said:
Ok then I didn’t interpret correctly what you were saying. My apologies.

Just so we’re clear, and without getting into gritty details, s e x is definitely NOT off the table for Ron and me. He is still very virile and absolutely not celibate. Quite the contrary!!

It’s simply that he’s adjusted his expectations about the experience. His performance is not tied to my physical response. I enjoy the closeness and intimate nature of our s e x life, as does he. That there is a release for him but not for me (because I don’t experience that buildup so don't require one) is understood, accepted and the norm for us and we are both happy about the experience.
Click to expand...
Well, I think it's admirable that you have found a way for both to benefit, although in different ways. I guess we make the best of a situation when there is value in relationship. You two obviously have something special and you are both happy, so that's really all that matters. Many people aren't that fortunate. All the best to you. ❤️
 
horseless carriage said:
Many people seem to believe that libido inevitably fades with age, and that elderly folk who are still interested in sex are abnormal. This idea is largely mythical. In actuality, sexual desire depends more on a state of mind and emotional attitudes than on chronological age. Generally speaking, it’s normal to have an ongoing interest in sex throughout adult life. Like the young, older people experience the full range of human feelings and emotions. They, too, need love and affection.

Interest in, and capacity for sex, continues throughout life. Self-image, like no longer feeling attractive, can have an adverse effect, just don't believe the adverts that only portray the young and beautiful. It can also be affected, of course, by illness, aches and pains, complications of surgical procedures and other physical problems that accompany the aging process.

Bear in mind that sexual intimacy in marriage is a lifelong process. Different forms of expression may be appropriate at different phases in the development of the relationship, in youth and old age, in times of stress and times of joy, during pregnancy, childbirth and child-rearing, during and after menopause, the list could go on and on.

Where pain or physical incapacity has limited certain types of sexual activity, it’s worth remembering that sexual intercourse per se is not necessarily the only option for physical intimacy. Touch, physical closeness, skin-to-skin contact, even intimate conversation can be extremely satisfying in the absence of other forms of sexual pleasure. At every stage of life, healthy attitudes toward marital sex should be characterised by candour, vulnerability, flexibility, and willingness to communicate.
Click to expand...
If sex is considered abnormal as we age...then I consider myself very abnormal and proud of it. As long as I am breathing, sex will be a part of my life. 🤣🤣
 
I'm past the physical side of intimacy, husband passed away many years ago. When I read in the papers that the Spanish Coach has been howled down for planting a kiss on one of his Spanish girls' team, I immediately thought, "Hmmm, he is quite attractive, I wouldn't mind him planting one on me, it's been a long drought, and that would have made my day".
 
win231 said:
I was reminded of this one:

An 86-year-old man was having his annual checkup. He bragged to the doctor: "Hey, doc. I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant with my child. How 'bout that?"
The doctor thought for a moment & said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was a skilled hunter but one day he left home in a hurry & accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his rifle. Later that day, he came face-to-face with a huge Grizzly Bear. He raised his umbrella, pointed it at the bear & squeezed the handle. And the bear immediately fell to the ground & died.
"That's impossible," said the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at," said the doctor.
Click to expand...
That’s me win. 86 year old man and that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.. :LOL:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top