Is depression a taboo topic?

DHH

DHH

Member
I don’t just mean here, but in general, especially among older people. This is a mental health thread, but no one seems to come right out and talk about their depression.

I have been diagnosed with severe clinical depression for many years. Even as I write this, I know there will be replies offering help and suggestions. I know these are meant with all good intentions. The thing is, been there, done that, didn’t help.

I think that’s part of the reason people don’t talk about their depression. Unless you are truly, clinically depressed, it’s hard to comprehend. For me, I want to get out and join things and do stuff and be with people, but I just can’t. My brain won’t let me. It’s like a force field I have up to protect myself.

My hope is this will be a thread where we can share how we’re feeling with others suffering from the same issue and without being told what we need to do about it.

Anyways, with the days being shorter, the weather being colder, and the Holidays looming, it’s funk time. I need to break out my SAD light. What coping mechanisms help you?
 

First I understand personaly everything you wrote. My being in hospital in large part because I was too depressed to take care of myself. I didn’t care about myself.
It’s very hard for me to express myself typing on phone.
I look forward to this thread you have started taking off but unfortunately can’t contribute much right now
Fellow sufferers. Thanks
 
As I've got older I've realised that I'm slightly agorophobic. If I need to get out of the house to do shopping, etc, then I just do it without any thought, but I'll often put it off as long as I can. However, if I can stay in because the weather is bad, then it allows me to not feel guilty about staying in the house.

At the moment I know I have things to do that require me to go out to a muddy field in order to carry out maintenance on my machines, but I also know that they are under cover, so I don't need to do that maintenance right now. As a result I'll sit here and look out of the window as the colder weather closes in, and think about trying to stay warm and cozy.

As to the SAD light, perhaps I should invest in one of them, as I notice that I do almost hibernate during the winter, and dread going out to do any Christmas shopping.
 

I Wouldn’t refer to depression as a taboo topic but I do think a lot of people are uncomfortable when someone they know brings up having an issue with depression. Simply because they have no idea how to respond or how to offer support. I’m speaking of discussions in real life, not on this forum. I’ve found people on this forum are willing to lend an ear and offer support on most any subject.

It may be that everyone is quietly dealing with their own issues and do not have the bandwidth to engage with someone else’s issues.

i know what you mean about not wanting to be told what to do about your depression. I’ve often wished I could pay someone to just listen to me gripe and moan, without trying to fix me, And understanding the need to just vent.
 
I don't think it's taboo among older people. What *does* bother the living heck out of me is those who can't seem to distinguish clinical depression from "feeling sad." There needs to be a lot more education about clinical depression. Anyone who tells a clinically depressed person to "snap out of it" or "find a hobby" obviously knows nothing about depression. It's not only a matter of "feeling blue."
 
I do not appear to suffer from it but I also want to watch this thread to understand it better.
I watched helplessly as it over took my Mom so it has touched my life very deeply in the past.

My Mom retreated into her depression rapidly once it began. She was a social butterfly up until maybe 67 years
old. So the sudden change in her was very apparent. She was in Calif., I was in Illinois so long distance absence
I am sure was one of the reasons.
I had suggested volunteer work instead of evenings in the watering hole, she said she hadn't the energy. She had
even stopped her night out with the locals (she called it) and that was a big clue for me.
For her, she had been a very nice looking woman and she hated the age on her face, her lack of health in
her one lustrous hair, so she whacked it all off. She loved new clothes which quickly became those MooMoo House dresses
as her only wardrobe (less energy to get dressed she said)

As an outsider observing all I can tell you from this side is, I felt she preferred to embrace the withdrawal more
than live life it was less draining and when she began to ache inside, she would sleep to escape it. She was sleeping
16-18 hours a day.
She always mentioned no energy and rarely do we on the other side think of Mental Energy over
Physical Energy.

Am I somewhat close on the misconception over the word energy?
 
DHH said:
I have been diagnosed with severe clinical depression for many years. Even as I write this, I know there will be replies offering help and suggestions. I know these are meant with all good intentions. The thing is, been there, done that, didn’t help.
Click to expand...
If you do get those kinds of replies, I hope I don't see them... it's one topic for which I have a wee li'l bit of trouble holding my thoughts in. 😁
 
IrishEyes said:
I do not appear to suffer from it but I also want to watch this thread to understand it better.
I watched helplessly as it over took my Mom so it has touched my life very deeply in the past.

My Mom retreated into her depression rapidly once it began. She was a social butterfly up until maybe 67 years
old. So the sudden change in her was very apparent. She was in Calif., I was in Illinois so long distance absence
I am sure was one of the reasons.
I had suggested volunteer work instead of evenings in the watering hole, she said she hadn't the energy. She had
even stopped her night out with the locals (she called it) and that was a big clue for me.
For her, she had been a very nice looking woman and she hated the age on her face, her lack of health in
her one lustrous hair, so she whacked it all off. She loved new clothes which quickly became those MooMoo House dresses
as her only wardrobe (less energy to get dressed she said)

As an outsider observing all I can tell you from this side is, I felt she preferred to embrace the withdrawal more
than live life it was less draining and when she began to ache inside, she would sleep to escape it. She was sleeping
16-18 hours a day.
She always mentioned no energy and rarely do we on the other side think of Mental Energy over
Physical Energy.

Am I somewhat close on the misconception over the word energy?
Click to expand...
First, thank you! You've given me insight from another perspective. You knew there was something going on with your Mom, yet you didn't know how to help her. That must have been very painful for you.

Yes, you're spot on about energy. I know I have the physical ability and energy to do things, but not the mental energy or strength. That disconnect is what is so frustrating.
 
DHH said:
First, thank you! You've given me insight from another perspective. You knew there was something going on with your Mom, yet you didn't know how to help her. That must have been very painful for you.

Yes, you're spot on about energy. I know I have the physical ability and energy to do things, but not the mental energy or strength. That disconnect is what is so frustrating.
Click to expand...
In so many frustrations in life it comes down to the language and words and if we don't ask the right questions, no answer can come.
If we speak before really listening it just sparks the frustrations higher. Thank you for confirming that for me on the Mental Energy, that does
make more sense as why telling someone to just get out and move - do things- etc ticks them off.
Too late for me to be of help to her now but it will sure help me understand anyone I know beginning to show signs.
 
I had a mental/emotional breakdown about 15 years ago. I was absolutely lost, and unable to function without extreme anxiety and sadness. I had no idea what was wrong. I struggled for months until I finally started talking with my friends about it. At that time SSRI's were the go to, so I started my western medicine saga.

Just the saying "mentally ill", triggers confused responses. No one fully understands how the mind works completely but we are making progress. I have found that Cognitive Behavior Therapy helps me. When I feel a downward spiral starting I actively get involved to do something. I make a conscious choice to do something other than dwell on the problem/s.
 
Regarding actual depression, I notice that here in the UK it's now often referred to as being 'bipolar' in an effort to move away from the perceived stigma of the word 'depression', with all the 'mental illness' connotations of that phrase.

Back when I was a teenager I became very schoolphobic from when I was 14 till I left at 15 1/2. During that 18 month period I couldn't face going to school every day, so would stay home for at least 1 day per week. I also found that I was getting more and more bouts of extreme depression, that would last around 3 to 4 days.

During those days I would retreat into my own dark world, and stay there, completely unable to function as a normal human being. Furthermore, although I had some physical energy, it was being sucked out of my all the time by my lack of mental strength to deal with the problem. At the end of each bout my depression lifted like a dark blanket being removed, and I was almost manic in my release from the darkness.

All that ended the day I left school, and it was more than 5 years before I had another bout of depression. Even then, the bout was shorter and much milder than previously, and although I've since had the odd period of feeling down or helpless, I've never suffered like I did when I was a teenager.

If I remember correctly, Winston Churchill used to have bouts of extreme depression. He named them his 'black dog' periods, and mentioned them often.
 
BJintheUK said:
Regarding actual depression, I notice that here in the UK it's now often referred to as being 'bipolar' in an effort to move away from the perceived stigma of the word 'depression', with all the 'mental illness' connotations of that phrase.
Click to expand...
Bipolar Disorder and Depression are two separate diagnoses, not synonymous although some of the symptoms can be the same.
 
My father suffered from depression his whole life, was given shock treatments in long hospital stays twice, and later put on medications. Sometimes I wonder if this condition is heredity. I don't suffer from depression, but I also understand that clinical depression is something most people including myself probably wouldn't identify on their own. My father described his an empty meaninglessness. But over the years, I've learned that everything my father told me should be taken with a gain of salt.

If his description is valid, I could say that I've experienced a similar state of mind for brief periods. A meaningless void, where I don't want to do anything might be depression or not. While it's fleeting for me, I do tend to believe that almost ever psychological condition identified in the psychiatric desk reference probably occurs in everyone, but it's a matter of degree that determines a diagnosis. I might be wrong about that. Maybe it simply does not exist in some people or even most people.

My ex was diagnosed with depression after cancerous breast removal, which seemed to require endless additional surgeries along with the radiation. She was given medications. I asked her if she would have to take them for the rest of her life. Her response was she didn't know, but she would gladly take them forever, because she had never felt that good before. She may have been fighting depression before the cancer. In retrospect, there were some indicators, but the kind of thing one would ignore as personality issues.

At any rate, that meaningless void I experience briefly might just be something I notice on introspection in myself, and not important enough to investigate in depth. I don't worry about it. But I still wonder once in a while what depression is like.
 
I will add this tidbit to the thread. More people have committed suicide from clinical depression than from any other type of depression.

I remember being called to a home by a man’s wife who said he was threatening suicide and was locked in the bathroom with a shotgun.
As I walked back to the bathroom, we heard a shotgun blast go off. When he didn’t answer me after I called his name several times, I kicked in the door and found him lying on the floor with part of his face and the top of his head blown off. He put a 12 gauge shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. That’s a horrible sight to see.
 
Yes, depression can be discussed on a forum like this, but they then also need to accept possibly hearing general advice they dislike even when posed by other members not blaming them personally so.

Depression is sometimes related to unpleasant situations in affected person's lives, either from their own choices and actions, or due to others, or due to unlucky fate of living in a competitive world that is often unfair, that over time by repetitive self awareness, increasingly trains via neural plasticity their body for the condition to become worse so. So they may not wish to publicly face or hear others generally discuss it so.

Substance drug use, especially alcohol use, is also strongly involved in about one-third cases, of depression as over time just like Pavlov's dog with a ringing bell, it can train a body via neural plasticity from repetitive conditioning over time to become so. If SF members wish to publicly discuss the subject, especially if it concerns themselves asking others for advice, then they also should accept that some members may bring up the reality that their own situation may or may not also involve consuming substances they may prefer not to openly discuss nor want to face.

Google AI Overview: depression often related to substance use ?

Yes,
depression and substance use are closely related, often existing in a bidirectional relationship where one can lead to or worsen the other. Substance use can trigger or worsen depressive symptoms due to factors like stress, brain chemical changes, and social isolation, while depression can lead individuals to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. This is known as a co-occurring or dual diagnosis, and the connection between the two can create a downward spiral that requires simultaneous treatment.
How substance use contributes to depression

Stress: Substance abuse often comes with high levels of stress from financial problems, job loss, and alienation from friends and family, which can lead to depression.
Brain chemistry: Many substances, like alcohol, cause a short-term dopamine release but can also increase inflammation and stress hormones (like cortisol) in the brain. Over time, this can make it harder for the brain to produce its own mood-boosting chemicals like serotonin and dopamine.
Withdrawal: When the brain becomes dependent on a substance, withdrawal can cause depressive symptoms like low mood, numbness, and an inability to find pleasure in daily activities.

How depression contributes to substance use

Self-medication: People with depression may use alcohol or drugs to temporarily relieve their symptoms, but this often backfires and perpetuates the cycle.
Risk factors: Individuals with a history of substance use are at an increased risk of developing depressive symptoms, and vice versa.

Co-occurring disorders and treatment

Dual diagnosis: The simultaneous presence of a mental health condition like depression and a substance use disorder is known as a dual diagnosis.
Treatment: It is crucial to treat both conditions at the same time. A common approach includes a combination of medication for mood stabilization and therapies such as individual, group, or family counseling to address the underlying issues driving both disorders.
 
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DHH said:
...Even as I write this, I know there will be replies offering help and suggestions. I know these are meant with all good intentions. The thing is, been there, done that, didn’t help.

I think that’s part of the reason people don’t talk about their depression. Unless you are truly, clinically depressed, it’s hard to comprehend. For me, I want to get out and join things and do stuff and be with people, but I just can’t...

My hope is this will be a thread where we can share how we’re feeling with others suffering from the same issue and without being told what we need to do about it.

Anyways, with the days being shorter, the weather being colder, and the Holidays looming, it’s funk time. I need to break out my SAD light. What coping mechanisms help you?
Click to expand...

Do you realize the mixed messages you are sending? I edited some things out and made certain phrases bold to highlight the basic conflicting statements. i have battled depression since age 11 (perhaps earlier) tho i didn't identify as such until i was around 13. (And back then most adults didn't realize kids could have such issues.) I have talked about it on various threads where i felt it relevant. When i talked about how i cope i generally mentioned that what works for me might not for others.

So, i'm not sure what you want, or expect of us. A catalog of miseries, a list of our coping mechanisms? The latter, for me, varies depending on the trigger. i have at times personified it as a beast that stalks me, other times it is an abyss i'm standing at the edge of, feeling the pull to go over. At 19 i was very close to going catatonic. I would sit in a rocking chair folding into myself and the world beyond what i was physically touching at that moment became so thoroughly unreal that i could not risk standing up.

Who knows how long i would have sat there had someone i trusted not come up and touched my shoulder? This led to talk with a shrink i was able to convince i didn't need hospitalization. I knew that would have pushed me over the edge. At 13 or so i'd visited my sister who's diagnosis was schizophrenia on a VA mental ward. The fact that i had dreamt the room, how she looked and acted did not help my confidence in my own sanity.

While one of my most effective coping mechanisms has been to identify and allow myself to FEEL whatever i feel fully, i am not always inclined to 'share' the negative stuff with others unless i have reason to feel it might help them in some way. Ironically the only depressive issue i have currently, besides the one of constant concessions to my aging body, is one that is actually taboo on SF--politics.
 
CallMeKate said:
I don't think it's taboo among older people. What *does* bother the living heck out of me is those who can't seem to distinguish clinical depression from "feeling sad." There needs to be a lot more education about clinical depression. Anyone who tells a clinically depressed person to "snap out of it" or "find a hobby" obviously knows nothing about depression. It's not only a matter of "feeling blue."
Click to expand...
Agreed. And many with chronic clinical depression hide it very well. One therapist, Dr. Margaret Rutherford wrote a book "Perfectly Hidden Depression" and runs a MH group on FB.

I won't go into why i suppressed so many of my feelings from a young age now, but decades past the worst of it i realized that my chronic depressive symptoms were likely linked to pain and anger i tried to bury to protect the feelings of others.
 
911 said:
I will add this tidbit to the thread. More people have committed suicide from clinical depression than from any other type of depression.

I remember being called to a home by a man’s wife who said he was threatening suicide and was locked in the bathroom with a shotgun.
As I walked back to the bathroom, we heard a shotgun blast go off. When he didn’t answer me after I called his name several times, I kicked in the door and found him lying on the floor with part of his face and the top of his head blown off. He put a 12 gauge shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. That’s a horrible sight to see.
Click to expand...
My 2nd husband's father committed suicide that way, two of his four teenage children found him on returning from school. Had serious impact on them.
 
I deal with bouts of depression. It's an off and on kinda thing. I am on a medication that has caused my depression to get a little worse but nothing unmanageable.

I've been to therapy and that was a useless effort. They were no help at all. I can't really take antidepressants cuz of the way they work in my system. I never do well with any of them.

I've dealt with a lot in my lifetime and I have managed to come out the other side with very little assistance. I seem to have an inner strength and manage to power through. Mostly because I refuse to give into it anymore.
 
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