Is it a good idea for my son and I to move in with my cousin?

Your cousin seems like a good man who really needs help. You’ll need power of attorney for health. Even though you’re qualified to write up an agreement, it’s still safer for all of you to have someone neutral review it. It will show anyone involved that you’re not trying to control him. Good luck with all your decisions.
 

Kika said:
It really does sound like the move with your cousin is the best option for you at this time. Just be sure to have some "what if" plans in place for you and your son should something happen to put a glitch in your plans.

I like living by: Plan for the worst and hope for the best.
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I agree @Kika. After reading this thread and wondering what I would do if I found myself in the same position, I'd make the move, too. And like you, I try to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

Good luck @WheatenLover. Sounds like you'll need packing boxes soon :)
 

WheatenLover said:
I am a lawyer, so I don't need to hire one. I have reconsidered this word is your bond since others may try to interfere with the arrangement. So I am going to put in writing what we each expect from one another, etc. It will be a legally binding contract.
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Do you have to have it notarized in order for it to be legally binding?

I'm in the process of obtaining signatures for an agreement I've written for a couple members of my family. So, wondering if I should have it notarized. Thx.
 
dobielvr said:
Do you have to have it notarized in order for it to be legally binding?

I'm in the process of obtaining signatures for an agreement I've written for a couple members of my family. So, wondering if I should have it notarized. Thx.
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I get everything notarized so I don't have to worry about disputes regarding signatures. That's for my own personal contracts and other documents, and those of my family. For instance, since my husband's handwriting illegible due to his strokes, we are having a life insurance change of beneficiary form notarized, even though it is not required.

Some things, like wills, should or must be notarized. Regular contracts are often not notarized.
 
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hollydolly said:
Is there any reason your cousin might die before you ?.. is he particularly old.. and other than the MS is he sick ? :)
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No, MS is his only ailment. Sure, he could die before me. I could also die before him, based on the cancer that is now in remission. We talked about that a couple of days ago.
 
JonSR77 said:
As a disabled person, I have to say that interacting with the disabled is absolutely not an easy thing to do.

You could easily wind up in arguments and confrontations and ruin relationships.

As far as your husband is concerned? That is an issue as well, especially if you suspect there is some risk of suicide.

That would seem another issue that should be addressed with a professional counselor.

Whatever time it would take out of your week, to see counselors to address these problems, will, in the end, save you much more time and save you a lot of grief.


Sorry about the difficulties.

Take care.
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My husband isn't at risk for suicide. He wants every available means given to him, no matter what, if he is in danger of dying. He would rather be in a vegetative state than die. He will not go to a counselor, period.

My cousin would likely be all for it, as would I. Thank you for your advice.
 
Kaila said:
Your additional posts now make a lot of the issues more clear to me,
@WheatenLover
and I can now see that as a decision between 3 options, it becomes easier to see how this one seems better than the other 2.

Also, I had been planning to ask you what a plan b, would be, if you get sick, with anything really, before your cousin does.
How would the arrangement work then?
Then, when your ability to do your part would change, and your own needs would be different too, and how would those increased needs of yours be met, if you needed a lot of care at some point?

I hope it all works out very, very well! For you and for your son and for your cousin!:love:
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My cousin is aware that if I get cancer again, I will not seek treatment. I will seek assisted dying or other options before things get too bad.
 
OneEyedDiva said:
You've gotten some good advice, particularly what @Blessed replied. I know "word is bond" is important in familial and even close friends situations but if your cousin becomes very his daughter may try to exercise her rights at that time. It seems you're assuming you can just move and find a new place when the time comes. What if it takes time to find the right, dog friendly apartment...where will you stay until then?

I worked with a nurse who married a nice man when they were middle aged. He had three children. One was a daughter she felt she had built a close bond with. When her husband passed away, maybe seven years after they married, she found out he hadn't updated his will and his children still inherited the house. They in essence kicked her out and she had to find an apartment fairly quickly and she chose one in our city...not at all like the suburban environment she had been living in. The upside is she was closer to work. Your cousin's daughter doesn't sound like a reasonable person at all, based on the fact that she wants nothing to do with family, so I'm not sure how practical @Murrmurr's suggestion would be. I've found that people can be particularly ruthless after someone dies, especially when assets are involved. She sounds ruthless already.
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At this point the daughter has no rights to the house and no legal right to control her father's life in any way. She is not in any danger from me ... I am not looking to inherit anything. My son has the means to move us immediately into a hotel if things suddenly went badly.

My son has a "nest egg" that will help a lot in finding a house to rent, if that comes up. We would probably move to another state -- one that doesn't have tons of snow. Also, among our friends and family, we have people who would be glad to take us in. I've never asked, though. Even with my cousin ... he has been asking me for over a year to move in with him.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
Hey, it's room and board in exchange for taking of the guy. Wills and estate planning are nice touches, if you intend to live there the rest of your life, but how about living with the guy for a few months first? Instead of an estate attorney, you may be searching for a good criminal lawyer, since you strangled the guy. The estranged daughter????? I feel you want to move, but feel guilty about your husband.
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I feel unwarranted guilt about my husband. He will be alone because he refuses to have friends. The people I have introduced him to over the last 35 years have never been good enough for him. I don't understand his attitude.
 
WheatenLover said:
My husband isn't at risk for suicide. He wants every available means given to him, no matter what, if he is in danger of dying. He would rather be in a vegetative state than die. He will not go to a counselor, period.

My cousin would likely be all for it, as would I. Thank you for your advice.
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again, sorry about the difficulties.

best of luck

take care
 
WheatenLover said:
At this point the daughter has no rights to the house and no legal right to control her father's life in any way. She is not in any danger from me ... I am not looking to inherit anything. My son has the means to move us immediately into a hotel if things suddenly went badly.

My son has a "nest egg" that will help a lot in finding a house to rent, if that comes up. We would probably move to another state -- one that doesn't have tons of snow. Also, among our friends and family, we have people who would be glad to take us in. I've never asked, though. Even with my cousin ... he has been asking me for over a year to move in with him.
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I'm glad you have plans B and C. I was thinking if you couldn't find a place right away, should it become necessary, you'd have to stay in a hotel. One of those extended stay places would be best, I guess. You say at this point, she has no rights to the house. Does that mean she was written out of the will? The concern was not now but after you cousin passes, if you and your son were still there at that time. Your cousin sure is a nice one if he hasn't yet written her out of his will, considering how she's treating him and the family!
 
OneEyedDiva said:
I'm glad you have plans B and C. I was thinking if you couldn't find a place right away, should it become necessary, you'd have to stay in a hotel. One of those extended stay places would be best, I guess. You say at this point, she has no rights to the house. Does that mean she was written out of the will? The concern was not now but after you cousin passes, if you and your son were still there at that time. Your cousin sure is a nice one if he hasn't yet written her out of his will, considering how she's treating him and the family!
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My cousin's daughter has to actually die for her to have any rights to the house. Plus she has to be the beneficiary of it! Without a dead person who had a will naming X as beneficiary, X has no present rights to the living person's property and money.
 

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