Is it me? I feel like I can't have a conversation in real life.

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Pattypan

Member
Location
Long Island, NY
Is it me? Or maybe it's the area where I live but nobody listens anymore! I feel like I can't have a conversation in real life. We don't converse. It's a monologue. They talk, I listen, that's it. When it's my turn to talk their eyes glaze over or they are constantly saying, 'yeah, yeah, yeah' and I know, I KNOW all they want is for me to shut up so they can babble on some more.

People tell me all the time I'm a good listener. Hello? Do I have a choice? That's because you're a good talker!

I apologize if I posted this already. It drives me nuts.

Do you consider yourself a good listener? Do you really listen to what people are saying? And saying, and saying, and saying. and saying...

Can people talk, or what?
 

I find myself in a similar situation the majority of the time.

It used to bother me, now I just accept it and ooh and ah in the appropriate places as they broadcast their update.
 
I'm a good listener , but I can join in the conversation. Just today , I went grocery shopping and I came home and told my husband ... " I must have that flashing TALK TO ME sign on over my head today " I just couldn't make it through the store without people talking to me about this and that ! One was giving me recipes.... one was telling me about other grocery stores....one woman was telling me how much it cost to repair her car ......... one started discussing different meat with me ......... *sigh* I can handle that .

It's when people start talking to me about all their aches and pains that I start slowly backing away . Nope. Don't want to listen !!
 

Aunt Bea and Toomuchstuff, I guess it is easier to ooh and ah and back off instead of getting angry inside and wanting to reach out and slap them silly. lol.

We have a repeater in the family. He'll tell you all about his new roof. Then he'll tell you again. And then he'll tell you again. If you get a word or two in he'll blurt out, "yeah" and then guess what he wants to talk about? I'm not kidding. He drives me nuts. Even if you tell him that he told you that 11 times already he'll tell you again! You know what I think? I think he's simply not interested in anything anybody else has to say and this is a way of hogging the whole conversation so he doesn't have to hear anybodies voice except his own.

My spouse thinks it's nervous energy because when he was a child he could not sit still. He'd be bouncing his leg if he was sitting or tapping on a counter top if he was standing or clapping his hands. Now he just talks all the time. lol.
 
Since these folks seem to have taken control of just about everything, why not have some fun. Was trained in something called "dominant eye theory" and, although I refused to use this unfair sales technic, it does work. First, see if they are right or left handed, probably the hand they are texting with. That would also be their dominant eye, so as you start talking to them, stare unblinkingly at that dominant eye and they cannot look away..... This way, they have to hear you out...... Not bs'ing, it is real......
 
There are a few folks, including me, that are in the loose group of people that gather every morning to walk our dogs in a local park that tend to talk over others and be insistent on being heard. Sometimes it can be frustrating, sometimes comical, but it works itself out without any hard feelings. It turns out that usually it isn't anything all that important, just some of us seem to have a need to be heard and don't realize how overbearing and rude we can get. If everybody was the same life would get pretty boring. I know loud talkers, people that can't seem to get to the point and say whatever it is they are trying to say, mumblers, whisperers, etc. You just deal with it the best you can.
 
I noticed at a job I took, a couple of years ago- that people give you a short couple of seconds of focus, and then you lose them. I attribute it to being because it is a prison, but at times I just wonder if they (staff, inmates) just 'discount' what I have to say, because I am old-er. :confused:
 
Pattypan said:
We have a repeater in the family. He'll tell you all about his new roof. Then he'll tell you again. And then he'll tell you again. If you get a word or two in he'll blurt out, "yeah" and then guess what he wants to talk about? I'm not kidding. He drives me nuts. Even if you tell him that he told you that 11 times already he'll tell you again! You know what I think? I think he's simply not interested in anything anybody else has to say and this is a way of hogging the whole conversation so he doesn't have to hear anybodies voice except his own.

My spouse thinks it's nervous energy because when he was a child he could not sit still. He'd be bouncing his leg if he was sitting or tapping on a counter top if he was standing or clapping his hands. Now he just talks all the time. lol.
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Since it's someone in the family who's a big talker and doesn't want to listen to anybody else's voice but his own, you answered your own question, it's not you. :) Everyone's different, he might be hyper like your husband suggested, and all you can do is tolerate it, don't take it personally, or just try to make your time with him scarce. Instead of feeling any anger toward him, just feel a little pity, he might have some issues that have never been resolved. And if he's older, they may never be.
 
dpwspringer said:
Sometimes it can be frustrating, sometimes comical, but it works itself out without any hard feelings. It turns out that usually it isn't anything all that important, just some of us seem to have a need to be heard and don't realize how overbearing and rude we can get. If everybody was the same life would get pretty boring. I know loud talkers, people that can't seem to get to the point and say whatever it is they are trying to say, mumblers, whisperers, etc. You just deal with it the best you can.
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I agree, I've known the loud constant talkers and those who were so timid and quiet they couldn't get out their thought to anyone, and just gave up. Like you say, we're all different and if we were the same it would be boring....or really aggravating. :p I'm a good listener, but usually get to engage in the conversation no matter who it's with. I figure I can't get into anyone's mind and haven't walked in their shoes, so I try not to judge, just deal the best I can like you said.
 
For the most part, my job entails listening. I am very adept. However, in my private life I am not prepared to be everyone's listening post to the exclusion of my own voice. Sometimes, people believe I never take my therapissed hat off!lol
 
I believe it depends on the person. Some of our acquaintances are fun to visit with. Others..... Sheesh! One of my best friends talks non-stop. He is always talking about his grandkids and their soccer, tee-ball, baseball, golf, swimming, and anything else they are involved in. If someone else even tries to mention their own son, daughter, or grandchild... it is just like he never heard and his rambling goes on about something entirely off subject. I've learned, over the years, to pretty much ignore 90% of what he says.
 
Thanks for all the replies. I wish I could honestly say I don't judge others but that wouldn't be true. However, this thread is more of an, "am I the only one having a difficult time with this?" type of thing.

Shalimar, I really like what you said about being everyone's listening post! That's how I feel. At times I feel like I'm nothing more than one BIG ear but I like listening post better. It's kinder and gentler and not as scary as a GIANT ear sitting across the table from someone. lol.

I don't remember it being this bad when I was a young woman. People would really engage in a conversation. They'd look you right in the eye (uh-oh) and hear you. They'd ask questions and wait for an answer. I would know they cared and really were interested in what was going on with me. I felt the same way about them. I miss that give and take. That connection. That interest.

BTW, I have a spouse not a husband. That's why I always say spouse. My spouse and I have been together for 34 years. We got married a few days after NYS decided we were worthy of equality. We also say spouse because neither one of us wanted to be a wife. Although both of us want to have a wife if you know what I mean. lol.
 
"BTW, I have a spouse not a husband. That's why I always say spouse. My spouse and I have been together for 34 years. We got married a few days after NYS decided we were worthy of equality. We also say spouse because neither one of us wanted to be a wife. Although both of us want to have a wife if you know what I mean. lol."


Love it! I have an old friend who always used to say she needed a wife. In this case,she had a husband,but she wanted a wife as well
 
Pattypan said:
Thanks for all the replies. I wish I could honestly say I don't judge others but that wouldn't be true. However, this thread is more of an, "am I the only one having a difficult time with this?" type of thing.

Shalimar, I really like what you said about being everyone's listening post! That's how I feel. At times I feel like I'm nothing more than one BIG ear but I like listening post better. It's kinder and gentler and not as scary as a GIANT ear sitting across the table from someone. lol.

I don't remember it being this bad when I was a young woman. People would really engage in a conversation. They'd look you right in the eye (uh-oh) and hear you. They'd ask questions and wait for an answer. I would know they cared and really were interested in what was going on with me. I felt the same way about them. I miss that give and take. That connection. That interest.

BTW, I have a spouse not a husband. That's why I always say spouse. My spouse and I have been together for 34 years. We got married a few days after NYS decided we were worthy of equality. We also say spouse because neither one of us wanted to be a wife. Although both of us want to have a wife if you know what I mean. lol.
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I would like a wife also, but I think my fiancé might object. Lulz. I recall the jubilation among some of my friends when Canada passed the same sex marriage laws over a decade ago. I went to six weddings in a month!
 
Dollie, that's what I mean. We don't have conversations anymore. It's a monologue. Could it be we have two ears and one mouth because we're meant to listen twice as much as talk? lol.

I had a dear friend that really listened to me. She said I listened to her too. It was a rare and beautiful friendship. i miss her everyday. She died in April. She was in NYC on 9/11. The guy she was going to marry was in one of the twin towers. She was late for work or she would have been in there too. She had all kinds of horrible cancers and fought each and every one until the one on her heart took her beautiful life.

You have a treasure if you're lucky enough to have someone in your life that takes time to listen to you. You are blessed.
 
i also have a friend that leaves her answering machine on all the time [which is fine [ but she dont return my call til i am in bed
 
Shalimar said:
I would like a wife also, but I think my fiancé might object. Lulz. I recall the jubilation among some of my friends when Canada passed the same sex marriage laws over a decade ago. I went to six weddings in a month!
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Marriages of convenience?

They get to share the company benefits like health care?

I don't believe it's romance time in Ontario. :confused:

I do think it's financial benefits attached.
 
Camper6 said:
Marriages of convenience?

They get to share the company benefits like health care?

I don't believe it's romance time in Ontario. :confused:

I do think it's financial benefits attached.
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Hmmm. I guess our experience differs. My friends, life partners, simply wanted the same opportunity to be recognised as married couples as heterosexual people enjoyed. I am currently engaged to a marvelous man, I would be devastated if the law prevented us from marrying.
 
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