Is This a Common Trend with Aging?

My wife and I have been married 38 years and we're in synch about most things. Having been together since our freshman year in college, and then dating for four years, we had plenty of time to see if we were a fit. We certainly have our differences, but usually compromise is the order of the day. Sometimes I give in, other times it's my wife that gives ground. The most constant area of disagreement tends to be on gifts, where I tend to be more frugal, she tends to be more generous, especially when it comes to family. The other area of disagreement these days centers around my wanting to do more of the work around the house (lawn care, snow removal), where my wife is adamant that she doesn't want me doing that kind of work. In view of my upcoming retirement, I'm going to broach the subject of the landscaper again to see if we can save some costs. We'll see how it goes. She's never given in on my getting a snowblower.
 

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imp said:
I have a rather dim-witted theory about this topic. Being aware of our mortality creates the unknown which is wonder and concern for the time, when it arrives, that we will be making it alone, when a spouse passes on. Unconsciously, "testing" and preparation begins, which in subconsciously intended to "steel" us for that time in advance of it's arrival. Kind of preparation of a mental "cushion".

It's not obvious, and not seriously distressing, just a gradual "distancing", if you will. No believer in psychoanalysis, and perhaps Shalimar will "straighten" me out here. imp
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Can't speak for the world at large, but for myself this I have found to be true. Creating distance so it will not be so unbearable later is exactly what I was doing. The vehicle I used to create the distance was angry bickering. In 45 years, this was a new facet between us. It took me a while to figure out the anger is really fear. I still don't have it all worked out, but awareness has made a difference.
 
Lyn said:
Can't speak for the world at large, but for myself this I have found to be true. Creating distance so it will not be so unbearable later is exactly what I was doing. The vehicle I used to create the distance was angry bickering. In 45 years, this was a new facet between us. It took me a while to figure out the anger is really fear. I still don't have it all worked out, but awareness has made a difference.
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Lyn, you have been here 2-1/2 years, yet I recall none of your posts. Encouraged by your "reputation" rendered, I sought to know more. I found little. Could not send PM, surely know there must be more.......

You requisitioned down from anger to fear. Share more with us. Or, my ID, shown below, feared by most, would appreciate comment. Don't "hang back". Perhaps, "working it out" could be a mutual, shared effort.

In any event, best wishes, and thank you for the kindness. imp
 

tnthomas said:
Gets worse by marriage #3. By #4 you get honorary degree for marriage counseling....if you make it to a major anniversary milestone.

;)
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Gotta agree, sorta............. Next June will be 15 years for me an Mrs. Hoss #4. We have very different opinions on many subjects. I am totally confident that my views are correct, so I feel no need to bring them up, discuss them, rant on about them, and try to justify them. She, on the other hand, seems very unsure of hers, nattering on constantly about this and that, and expressing outrage at the state of the world, and explaining how it could be so much better if everyone would do things her way. As long as I grunt occasionally, she seems to think we agree and it becomes "OUR OPINION" .............. works for me
 
Bobw235 said:
My wife and I have been married 38 years and we're in synch about most things. Having been together since our freshman year in college, and then dating for four years, we had plenty of time to see if we were a fit. We certainly have our differences, but usually compromise is the order of the day. Sometimes I give in, other times it's my wife that gives ground. The most constant area of disagreement tends to be on gifts, where I tend to be more frugal, she tends to be more generous, especially when it comes to family. The other area of disagreement these days centers around my wanting to do more of the work around the house (lawn care, snow removal), where my wife is adamant that she doesn't want me doing that kind of work. In view of my upcoming retirement, I'm going to broach the subject of the landscaper again to see if we can save some costs. We'll see how it goes. She's never given in on my getting a snowblower.
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Your differences sound rather trivial in comparison to those constantly revolving around money, or the lack of it! imp
 
Sometimes I think the longer people are together, the more comfortable they are with voicing opinions...knowing the relationship is stable and strong and a differing does not signal marital problems.... I think that's a good thing..
 

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