Is This Insane? (Send an apology letter to HS girlfriend)

When ever we think about doing something ... reaching out to a past friend or someone .... we get the flood of assumption going

They .... will be mad / disappointed / won't remember and on and on ........ many just forget about it assuming the worst..

For the brave few they open that door ... maybe they find a not so pleasant experience OR maybe they find something good.
People regret things NOT done and what ifs more IMO.
 
A longtime girlfriend of mine, in her 70's now, recently got in touch with her old boyfriend via Facebook. They'd been a couple for at least 10 years. He was a confirmed bachelor, and she wanted marriage/children. They parted ways. She met someone else and got married. He is still a bachelor. The first thing he did, was apologize for "being a a**hole. We don't remember him being one. He was just honest. Anyway, they text now and then, and all is good.
 
Jeni said:
When ever we think about doing something ... reaching out to a past friend or someone .... we get the flood of assumption going

They .... will be mad / disappointed / won't remember and on and on ........ many just forget about it assuming the worst..

For the brave few they open that door ... maybe they find a not so pleasant experience OR maybe they find something good.
People regret things NOT done and what ifs more IMO.
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Yes to all of this especially what i made bold.
 
I've found and been found. Mostly with positive results. Mostly friends, tho one guy was 'with benefits'. Thanks to internet we can often learn how life has gone for someone we used to know. It is more difficult if the name is common or too similar to any kind of celebrity. You have to scroll thru hundreds of results on the celeb or others with that name to find the wanted results.

But if you can find them and get a clue about their lives now sometimes just knowing satisfies your wondering. We also have to examine our motives. Even if we want to apologize, is it to assauge our conscience or in hopes that acknowledging the pain we may have caused them will be helpful to them?

In this case i think i'd advise the man to write out his feelings then set aside and think on it more before sending, be sure apologizing is actually his motive.
 
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AprilSun said:
I would be more concerned about how her husband might take it rather than her especially considering how people are so quick to get angry and react to it today.
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Give the guy a little credit. If I needed to write a letter like that, I'd mention her husband somewhere near the beginning. This guy doesn't want to cause a problem, he's hoping to resolve one.
 
Maybe, kind of depends on the situation, particularly her's.

I made a verbal apology to my first wife for things I did in our marriage when I was young and stupid. She just laughed and said life was too short to let such things bother us now. It was a good thing for me, I felt better about myself. Don't really know how she took it, but I think well.

A big difference is that after years of not having any contact she contacted me first, just a light wanting to know how I was and what I was doing. Only then did I offer the apology. We have since become pretty good friends. No hint from either of us about "getting back together", that's water well under the bridge...
 
A letter might be touchy if you do not know her current situation. He could always write it and leave for his executor to mail at his death. If he feels strongly about it, that might give him some peace of mind and could hardly be misunderstood by husband.

However, I would have loved an apology from an ex. for some of the grief he caused me or, if not an apology, at least an acknowledgment of his actions.

.
 
Some of you are supportive of him with writing the letter. I worry about how her husband will take it. According to my friend, they live about 20 miles apart, so it’s close enough where her husband could give him a visit. I think this is something that has been bothering him for a long time. I don’t think it’s one of those 12 step things. He seldom drinks and to the best of my knowledge, he has never done drugs. Personally, I think he is going to write the letter regardless of what I say.
 
My first wife called me 7 years after we divorced, and apologized profusely for ruining our marriage. It was unexpected, I had grieved and moved on and was remarried. But, I appreciated the sentiment.

In addressing the OP: advising him to forget it was the right thing, I believe. 50+ years have passed, everyone's grown up and moved on.
I think that he(the friend) needs to forgive himself, which is a beginning step in healing, and a tenet in major religions.
 
Pepper said:
Is the husband known to be a mental case or have extreme anger issues? Good grief, he married her he doesn't own her.
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I don’t know anything about her husband if he is a mental case or maybe a minister. I just thought that if it was me, and like Nathan had wrote that it’s been over 50+ years, why push the envelope now? I like the idea of writing the letter then tossing it.

The other issue is, if he writes this letter should he or will he tell his wife?
Pinky said:
A longtime girlfriend of mine, in her 70's now, recently got in touch with her old boyfriend via Facebook. They'd been a couple for at least 10 years. He was a confirmed bachelor, and she wanted marriage/children. They parted ways. She met someone else and got married. He is still a bachelor. The first thing he did, was apologize for "being a a**hole. We don't remember him being one. He was just honest. Anyway, they text now and then, and all is good.
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Sounds like that one worked out well.
 
JMO, there’s a difference in reconnecting with a former spouse and a girlfriend from 50 years ago.

In a recent thread about dealing with problems, my approach was to go through these steps.

What’s the problem?
How big is the problem?
Whose problem is it?

It seems to me that the problems are all his and not that big. All he may be doing is selfishly causing a problem for her.
 
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