It's the little things that hurt.

Not in any way, because others have gone through the same thing does it diminish your pain.. your heartbreak, your sorrow, your sense of deep and abiding loss of your life partner, your love, the mother of your children...

Nothing anyone will say will make it better, but to know that when you're in pain, and don't want to burden the Adult Children who are going through their own pain for their mother, and your friends disappear because they no longer know what to say in your grief.... that here.. is where people will listen and understand !

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Don, sending you many hugs, and thank you for sharing with us. Losing the love of your life must be so very hard. Your wife was obviously cared about by many .. a very special woman. My deepest condolences to you, and your family. Take care of yourself.

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Grampa Don said:
Last week my wife passed away. She was 82 and had multiple health problems and aches and pains. It was her time to go. What hurts the most is remembering little things. Each evening after dinner I would tell her "thanks for feeding me". And, she would say "thanks for fixing it or thanks for eating it." And I would give her a kiss. That will never happen again. When I was feeling out of sorts, she would ask if I was OK. No one is going to do that now.

I'm not looking for sympathy. What I am dealing with, many of you probably have too. And, I don't need any cheering remarks about heaven. She believed she was going there and I'm thankful for that. If there is a heaven, I'm sure she did.
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For the last 54 years, I have always said thank you for my meals, like you, mostly in the evening. I can empathise with how you feel.
Having "lost" parents and siblings I can also empathise in your bereavement.

However the way that you are dealing with your bereavement is inspirational, my missus and I know that being childless, when one of us has to survive the other, it will leave a great hole in our lives.

Your brave remarks are something that I will look to if I am the survivor. Much appreciated for your posting, and although your heart is heavy, be known, you have lifted another's spirits. I am humbly grateful to you.
 
bowmore said:
I am sorry for your loss. Here is a thought:
Grief is like the wake behind a boat. It starts out as a huge wave that follows close behind you and is big enough to swamp and drown you if you suddenly stop moving forward. But if you do keep moving, the big wake will eventually dissipate. And after a long enough time, the waters of your life get calm again, and that is when the memories of those who have left begin to shine as bright and as enduring as the stars above.

As far as little things, I completely understand. I picked up lunch at a Taco Bell, and wondered why the cost was half of what I normally paid. Then it hit me-I did not have a wife to buy lunch for.
After taking a kayak and scattering my wife's ashes at sea, I changed into dry clothes, and I went upstairs to the restaurant we always ate at when we came here. I felt a small pang of remembrance and guilt, as this was the first time in a while that I had no one to help up the stairs.
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Thank you for your post.
I’ve taken it deep in my mind and heart.
 
@Grampa Don
I’m so deeply sorry for your loss of your wife, your life partner, your deepest love.
Keep those memories, from the past, from the present, and from the future.
There will never be another her.

When you find yourself smiling for what seems to be no reason….it’s her memory that makes you smile.
When you feel a touch on your shoulder, your arm….it’s your wife….it’s her kindness.
When you feel such great warmth in your heart and soul….it’s your wife’s ever lasting love.

Talk to her….as often as you wish….she’s listening.
TAKE CARE of yourself, for her and for yourself.
 
Please accept my condolences Grampa Don, I feel your pain
and wish that your pain will ease and the good memories
will dominate your thoughts.

Mike.
 
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