I've had enough

G

grannyjo

Member
I've had enough of my niece. She's only 8 years younger than me, has a very good income and living conditions - far better than my own income - I pay rent. She hasn't paid rent or property taxes/rates for about 6 years now.

She says she wants to meet up with "family and friends" again, so is doing the rounds for the the third time in four years.

What that means is that she wants to come and stay. It is actually that she wants to have a holiday, with minimal expense.

The last time she stayed with me, She sat on her behind, did nothing around the house, and ate me out of house and home. Didn't contribute anything to the costs of having her here. Didn't want to go to the shops, or any of the local attractions. Sat there just checking her Facebook, and eating.

This time she has said that because she has developed Diabetes type 2, she will need to have "four balanced meals" each day.

She also has a very different "time clock" to me. I like to go to bed early - she stays up until 11 or 12 at night. I'm up about 5 or 6 in the morning, and she's still in bed until 9 or 10 in the morning.

I am no longer prepared to put my life on hold to pander to her request for her to stay with me.

I have tried hinting that I don't like visitors, but now I feel as if I might have to book her into a self contained apartment, which will cost me some money, but will lessen my anxiety levels.

Do you think I'm doing anything wrong?
 

Your post baffles me. :confused:

First of all, you KNOW you're not wrong. So let's get that out of the way.

Tell her 1) your budget is tight 2) you're not up for visitors, but if she wants to come she will have to provide/pay for and prepare all her own food.

Pay for an apt for her stay??!!! WHAT? You're kidding, right?

Why are you putting up with her nonsense? Sounds to me like you'd rather she not come for a visit. Stop allowing her to walk all over you. Just STOP. :mad:
 
I think you should tell her in no uncertain terms that you are not able to have overnight guests. And I don't think you need to explain yourself, either. Just: I'm sorry, but I cannot accommodate an overnight guest.
 

I think what you are doing wrong is giving in to her demands. She sounds very self centered. Maybe you could mention that a visit would be nice and you would look forward to seeing the sights with her and she could book an apartment while she visits. Explain that then she will be able to have her balanced meals when she pleases,you won't run the risk of disturbing her because you are such an early riser and once in awhile the two of you could go out to dinner and that you don't do much cooking anymore. Maybe she will think twice about it.
 
Grannyjo, she doesn't seem to sincerely want to visit you, she's just 'making the rounds', something she does almost once a year recently? I would just tell her no, really, she isn't being very considerate and if she's acted like that as a guest in the past, I doubt she'd change her spots now. You already know how it will be, I agree with the others here to just say no...it isn't easy but is sometimes necessary.

You shouldn't have to experience any kind of stress at all for her visit, it should be pleasurable for both of you, if it isn't, don't let it happen. If you want to be nice, just tell he that you're not up for company right now. If she asks why, you don't have to give any excuse or explanations to her, just repeat that you're not up to it and don't want her to come.

Paying for her apartment or hotel room is crazy, don't do it! That would still be stressful for you and it will hurt your pocketbook even more. When I was young I had a lot of trouble saying 'no', but when I found that I was being taken advantage of, I started to firmly say 'no', and it worked. Like Bea said, it gets easier each time, just do it!

Honestly, at our ages, we shouldn't fall victim to pushy people, related or not. Be strong, tell her no, you won't regret it and it won't hurt her either. :love_heart:
 
applecruncher said:
Your post baffles me. :confused:

First of all, you KNOW you're not wrong. So let's get that out of the way.

Tell her 1) your budget is tight 2) you're not up for visitors, but if she wants to come she will have to provide/pay for and prepare all her own food.

Pay for an apt for her stay??!!! WHAT? You're kidding, right?

Why are you putting up with her nonsense? Sounds to me like you'd rather she not come for a visit. Stop allowing her to walk all over you. Just STOP. :mad:
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^^ This. All of it. X2
 
grannyjo, I agree with those above. Just say a big fat NO! And stick to it.

She can only take advantage of you insofar as you allow her to do so.

And the idea of paying for an apartment for her?? NO NO NO!

You have no obligation to finance her mooching lifestyle. Just say NO; don't apologize or explain and don't feel sorry for her and don't feel guilty, and don't let her wear you down. Just NO, and don't budge from that.
 
Even if you had tons of money, why would you want this freeloader around? Tell her you can't accommodate her and if she or any of the other relatives don't like it, tell them to .................. well, just tell her you aren't going to change your mind.
 
Linda said:
Even if you had tons of money, why would you want this freeloader around? Tell her you can't accommodate her and if she or any of the other relatives don't like it, tell them to .................. well, just tell her you aren't going to change your mind.
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Agree with every body here. She has shown you who she is so say no and no explanation. Look out for yourself as nobody else will!!
 
Grannyjo,please listen to what everybody else has said.Don't let her your niece 'bully/take advantage of you.If she wants to come for a visit,she needs to know you will not pay for her living arrangements.Stay strong and tell her NO,NO,NO!! Sue
 
"Would love to see you, niece. Having overnight company, or longer, has become too stressful for my health, so would you first want me to find a self contained apartment for you to stay in before you decide to come, or would you prefer to find one on your own? And at what price are you willing to pay?" :)
 
I agree with everyone!!!! Don't let this niece do this to you and she will as long as you let her!!!!! If anyone gets upset with you because you didn't, just tell them they can do it for you if they don't like it!!!!
 
OK. I said "NO" you can't stay with me.

She burst into tears and said "I thought that you loved me - I'm only 2 hours away".

She is currently staying with my step brother's granddaughter. A person I have never actually met.

I am the youngest of all my siblings in a very large family.

The last of my brothers and sisters died about 5 years ago.

I really don't want to carry the burden of carrying on the family.
 
grannyjo said:
OK. I said "NO" you can't stay with me.

She burst into tears and said "I thought that you loved me - I'm only 2 hours away".

She is currently staying with my step brother's granddaughter. A person I have never actually met.
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I'm glad you said no Grannyjo. It sounds weird me that she would burst into tears like that. Were they crocodile tears, was she just trying to lay a guilt trip on you by saying you didn't love her, or was she just trying to manipulate you because you were interfering with her travel/visitation plans? I guess if any of these were the reason, it should be ignored....and you shouldn't give into her. Just my opinion.
 
"Love" is not an excuse for an obligation.

You owe her nothing. If she wants to visit you, she can get an Airbnb or a hotel, and be on her personal schedule without bothering anyone.

And you do not need to make any reservations for her. If she can work Facebook, she can manage TripAdvisor, Hotels.com, Trivago, Priceline, or any of the dozens of travel sites to find an inexpensive place to stay.
 
Lethe200 said:
"Love" is not an excuse for an obligation.

You owe her nothing. If she wants to visit you, she can get an Airbnb or a hotel, and be on her personal schedule without bothering anyone.

And you do not need to make any reservations for her. If she can work Facebook, she can manage TripAdvisor, Hotels.com, Trivago, Priceline, or any of the dozens of travel sites to find an inexpensive place to stay.
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Very true!!
 
Well done Grannyjo... ''I thought you loved me""?...well the same thing could be said about her...if she ''loved you'' she wouldn't be taking advantage of your good nature, and she'd still want to visit you while paying for her own accommodation.

Good for you sayin NO ..in life you need to rid yourself of Toxic people...
 
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