I've had enough

If it is only about love, she would still come and visit for a few hours and leave to stay at a hotel or go back where she was since she is "only 2 hours away". It still sounds like she's trying to take advantage of you.
 

She really is either a total oblivious person, or a total leech.

She contacted me again today and said she would be staying with someone else - "for as long as she feels comfortable".

She does not seem to understand that if she goes to someone else's home, it is for as long as "they" feel comfortable - not her.

She will drop in for a visit, but I'm not really sure that I want that either. I think I will suggest that we meet at the local mall for morning or afternoon tea or lunch, whenever it is that she gets here.

You can't choose your family. Thank goodness for friends, who never seem to overstep the boundaries!
 
grannyjo said:
She does not seem to understand that if she goes to someone else's home, it is for as long as "they" feel comfortable - not her.

She will drop in for a visit, but I'm not really sure that I want that either. I think I will suggest that we meet at the local mall for morning or afternoon tea or lunch, whenever it is that she gets here.
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She seems to be very selfish for sure. You're smart not letting her come over for a 'visit', meeting for lunch away from your house should be the most you do in this situation. I don't think I would even do that, you're just opening yourself up to a lot of verbal abuse from her, fussing or begging, I don't see anything good coming from seeing her at all....since you already said you did not want her to visit.

Just thinking of what I would do....to me no is no, not you'll drop in for a visit anyway. I really wouldn't want to see her in person at all after that phone call. You already have been put through too much drama already with this one, you need a hard break in my opinion.
 

SeaBreeze said:
She seems to be very selfish for sure. You're smart not letting her come over for a 'visit', meeting for lunch away from your house should be the most you do in this situation. I don't think I would even do that, you're just opening yourself up to a lot of verbal abuse from her, fussing or begging, I don't see anything good coming from seeing her at all....since you already said you did not want her to visit.

Just thinking of what I would do....to me no is no, not you'll drop in for a visit anyway. I really wouldn't want to see her in person at all after that phone call. You already have been put through too much drama already with this one, you need a hard break in my opinion.
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I agree with everything you said Sue
 
grannyjo said:
She really is either a total oblivious person, or a total leech.

She contacted me again today and said she would be staying with someone else - "for as long as she feels comfortable".

She does not seem to understand that if she goes to someone else's home, it is for as long as "they" feel comfortable - not her.

She will drop in for a visit, but I'm not really sure that I want that either. I think I will suggest that we meet at the local mall for morning or afternoon tea or lunch, whenever it is that she gets here.

You can't choose your family. Thank goodness for friends, who never seem to overstep the boundaries!
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This would make me wonder what she is up to now. I would do what I felt like doing and not worry about her because it's obvious she doesn't care about anyone but herself. No, you can't choose family. That's what I've told people before. Just because they're family doesn't mean we have to agree with everything they say or do.
 
The only thing you are doing wrong is not stating a complete NO! Do not let her into your home. I'm a little confused at your post also. She has good income and living conditions? Is this disability, retirement, social security. If she has a home, why is she going to all these people's homes.

Dont let her in, tell her no. You owe her nothing. I have to help my stepfather out of an obligation but he will never live with me. You have to draw this line. Ask her not to come at all and if she does, close the door. It sounds harsh but you want to be her supporting door mat.
 
grannyjo said:
OK. I said "NO" you can't stay with me.

She burst into tears and said "I thought that you loved me - I'm only 2 hours away".

She is currently staying with my step brother's granddaughter. A person I have never actually met.

I am the youngest of all my siblings in a very large family.

The last of my brothers and sisters died about 5 years ago.

I really don't want to carry the burden of carrying on the family.
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Missed this post. Congratulations on saying no. You absolutely did the right thing. Her tears are ridiculous. Don't let them bother you.
 
Yes, DO NOT let her come and visit at your home. Once in your home and she refuses to leave, what will you do, call the cops? It's okay if you meet for lunch, as long as you have resolved to be firm and not let her come to stay with you. Expect her to shower you with tears and give you a guilt trip if you say NO. She already tried on the phone, "I thought you loved me . . . "
 
I agree with those above. I would not answer the door when she drops by.

The tears and the "I thought you loved me" stuff is just manipulation to make you feel guilty. I wouldn't go out to lunch or whatever, either; she's just looking for a foot in the door.

Congratulations on saying "no." I know this all must make you feel awful, but you'd feel worse if you let her take advantage of you and make your life miserable.
 
There is a old Polish saying, "Fish & guests stink after 3 days". Don't let people take advantage of your good heart. She is a user. Kick her out!
 
Narcissistic people ARE selfish self centred people who take kindness for weakness. It’s all one big power trip for these people.
Being oblivious to other people’s concerns is part of their charming personality.
Narcissists WILL, with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY, SUCK the LIFE out of you and think NOTHING of it. :shrug:
Their minds are wired differently. If you enjoy living keep as far away from these people as possible.

Life saving lessons 101 - Save yourself first. You can’t help anyone if you’re drowning and a narcissist will happily use you as a life raft knowing full well , you are drowning.

SAY NO!
SAY NO!
SAY NO!

Make it your daily mantra.
 
Kitties said:
I'm a little confused at your post also. She has good income and living conditions? Is this disability, retirement, social security. If she has a home, why is she going to all these people's homes.
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I'm also curious about that. Wish grannyjo would UPDATE us and clarify the niece's situation.
 
Just a bit of an update.

She has been with the "chosen" people for her holiday break for the past 5 days.

They've had enough and have suggested that she should move on over the next day or two.

She really does not understand that you can't just plaster yourself onto someone/anyone for as long as you like.

I have managed to convince her that I do not want her to visit me.

Told her that I am annoyed/angered by people who want to stay in my home. Even if they go to bed, and rise at the crack of dawn like I do.

She has suggested that when she passes through next time, in December that she "might" turn up for either an early lunch, or for morning tea.

I really do think I will not be available at that time.

I think I will
 
grannyjo said:
Just a bit of an update.

She has been with the "chosen" people for her holiday break for the past 5 days.

They've had enough and have suggested that she should move on over the next day or two.

She really does not understand that you can't just plaster yourself onto someone/anyone for as long as you like.

I have managed to convince her that I do not want her to visit me.

Told her that I am annoyed/angered by people who want to stay in my home. Even if they go to bed, and rise at the crack of dawn like I do.

She has suggested that when she passes through next time, in December that she "might" turn up for either an early lunch, or for morning tea.

I really do think I will not be available at that time.

I think I will
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BRAVO granny jo! Bravo
That was perfect :clap:You learn quickly.
 
grannyjo said:
She has suggested that when she passes through next time, in December that she "might" turn up for either an early lunch, or for morning tea.
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So, she's doing the ''rounds'' now and plans to repeat them in December, 3 short months from now? Does she actually have a home or does she live temporarily with people the whole 12 months of a year? Whatever you do, if you DO meet her, do it somewhere else away from your home, never let her inside your door. Wonder if her current hosts are providing her with those ''four balanced meals a day'' for her diabetic problem?
 
I too have been wondering if she actually has a home of her own. How does she pay for all her traveling here & there? What is she "running" from? Boredom? Police? lol Just loves to travel, see how the people she uses live & the cities/towns they live in and she does it on the cheap? Does she pay her way in groceries, etc.? How does she handle disappointment, and anger? Does she carry a gun? lol
 
I don't understand-


She has suggested that when she passes through next time, in December that she "might" turn up for either an early lunch, or for morning tea.

I really do think I will not be available at that time.

I think I will

Why didn't you just say no? Also, you didn't finish your last sentence.
 
well reading between the lines here ''i say CHRISTMAS IS ON THE CARDS !!!!!
She is testing the water as they say for a re-action on the C word ….keep your wits about u
or father xmas may come early over the festive season lol ……….:rolleyes:
 
grannyjo said:
OK. I said "NO" you can't stay with me.

She burst into tears and said "I thought that you loved me - I'm only 2 hours away".

She is currently staying with my step brother's granddaughter. A person I have never actually met.

I am the youngest of all my siblings in a very large family.

The last of my brothers and sisters died about 5 years ago.

I really don't want to carry the burden of carrying on the family.
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A good reply to that would be "I do love you and that's why I want to help you turn into a responsible, independent adult. I feel that's the best gift I can give you".
 

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