I've lost my patience with my son-in-laws Mother

Sassycakes

Sassycakes

SF VIP
Location
Pennsylvania
My daughter has been married 10 yrs now and she has the most rude,cruel hateful MIL.
Even when my daughter was dating her son she was constantly picking on my Daughter and even
picking on her job. My daughter is an RN in a Children's Hospital and works in the Operating
room. One time my daughter said her day was stressful. That during an operation on a 3yr old little boy who coded during the surgery. Thankfully they were able to save the boy. Her MIL
laughed and said"Everyone has stress in their job. All you do is hand instruments to the Doctor."
She picks on everyone not just my daughter ,but even her son,her daughter and her husband.
One Thanksgiving everyone was saying what they were Thankful for. She turned to her Husband
and she said,l she wouldn't be thankful until her husband dropped dead. I can say a dozen more
things she has said and done but I don't want to bore you with all she has done. I'm just trying
to think of how I can avoid being in her company without hurting my son-in-law.We share every
Holiday together because no one else wants be in her company ,not even her daughter or her Brother.
 

Vodka? No seriously...I would say just try to keep your distance but still attend family get togethers. Hubby's family would sell each other for medical experiments...yet would still have get togethers. I would take care of small children in another room, go out and smoke...anything to avoid the gunfire. But it was important to hubby so I dealt.
 
I agree, just try to bite the bullet during family gatherings for the sake of your daughter and son in law. Believe me, is she's the way you describe, he's well aware of it and her affect on others. You can't change hateful people, but you do have control about how you deal with it....don't let her toxic personality get to you, it's hard I know.
 
What a nasty piece of work she is, and it must be so hard being in her company. I'm sure everyone else feels the same way, even your son in law. Maybe she has some kind of condition that makes her say such terrible things or maybe she thinks she is making a joke. Perhaps talking with your daughter about it might shed some light on the matter.
 
I feel for you. One of my daughters has a lulu for a mother in law. She asked me in a demanding way the last time I saw her " Why don't you ever answer the phone when I call?" I told her " Because you called me 30 times in one day once and freaked me right out. Now when I see it's you calling I just don't answer." She said "Oh."

I had an EXTREMELY evil mother in law for 26 years until my marriage ended over her bunk. I'm not sure what to tell you. I go to functions where my daughters MIL is there, but I tell her what I think & she shuts up. I'm always very respectful, I just don't let her play a drama with me. All evil MIL's aren't the same though.

I'm no help to you. But you have my support & a ((((hug)))
 
Sounds like the mother/wife in the movie Nebraska, I was having a deja vu moment reading the OP.

I love headphones, they have wireless ones, I would put her on mute. :)
 
Headphones for everyone at the dinner table -- or maybe little earbud phone speakers so people can talk to each other, but MIL doesn't get one. LOL
 
Sassy, you're describing MY mother. I was my mom's caregiver for nearly 15 years - no one else wanted to do it - and I know why she says the things she says. It's because she feels inferior. And not just kind of inferior, but VERY inferior. Mom has to criticize and belittle virtually everyone, but she's particularly cruel to females. Her perception is that girls and women think they are better than her, so she feels compelled to knock them off their high horse before anyone else thinks so.

Most family and friends find it impossible to ignore my mom's catty, underhanded remarks. Rather than say anything, most of them simply avoid her. I can tell you that when anyone has responded to her vile-ness, the effort was futile. She'll get all wound up and act like she's under an unwarranted attack. Drama ensues. And she doesn't let it go for months, sometimes years. And it doesn't change her behavior one bit.

I would advise you to let your daughter know that you hear it, that you don't like it, and that the MIL has a problem. Then give her (your daughter, that is!) a big hug and a smooch.
 
Sassycakes,good luck with that.
Its terrible that one person can destroy so many other peoples well being.
She has been allowed to go on with her antics far too long.
 
I have a sister-in-law that is one of the most vile people I've ever met. I put up with her crap for 35 years and just said "enough" one day and haven't set foot around her since. My life is easier and she now chooses others to spill her disgusting gossip, complaining and tantrums on.
 
debbie in seattle said:
I have a sister-in-law that is one of the most vile people I've ever met. I put up with her crap for 35 years and just said "enough" one day and haven't set foot around her since. My life is easier and she now chooses others to spill her disgusting gossip, complaining and tantrums on.
Click to expand...

If I wouldn't be hurting my Son-in-law I would walk away from her in a minute. Just this weekend coming up we will be going to my Grandaughter's dance recital.It's a 2 day event the MIL is already telling us everything we should do. She also refers to my Granddaughter as mine not hers,because she said you always love your daughters children more than your son's. I laughed right in her face when she said that. My son has 2 boys and I love my grandchildren equally.

 
Sassycakes said:
If I wouldn't be hurting my Son-in-law I would walk away from her in a minute. Just this weekend coming up we will be going to my Grandaughter's dance recital.It's a 2 day event the MIL is already telling us everything we should do. She also refers to my Granddaughter as mine not hers,because she said you always love your daughters children more than your son's. I laughed right in her face when she said that. My son has 2 boys and I love my grandchildren equally.
Click to expand...

wow, Sassy..sounds like she likes to bait people. I understand you want to be supportive of your SIL and all you can do is get a Teflon attitude..lol..let her BS just roll off to the floor.
 
Last edited:
If you think I'm kidding about headphones, I'm not, I've used them when I've been forced to attend church ceremonies, at parties when I get bored with the music being played, sitting listening to others yap on. with some people, they don't want a response other than for you to just nod yes in agreement and it works. :jammin: As I said, wireless earbuds work just fine too, even better I would say so, you have a button to press on and off and to control volume if you thinkthere's a reply really needed, you just say, could you repeat that, I didn't understand. LOL.
 
I've read all the posts here and I'd say I agree especially with the strong drink advise and the earbuds. I use earbuds for going to movies I don't want to see or hanging out with people I don't want to listen to. And a couple good shots of Tequila in Tart Cherry Juice (Tart Cherry for my joints don't you know) might save the day. Other wise, and probably anyway, I would speak up to her. I can't keep my mouth shut over some things.

The lady sounds pretty bad. My daughter's first MIL sent her son a Mother's Day card on Mother's Day and then wrote something in it like "I know you are the one who has to do all the raising of "granddaughter's name". And that wasn't the worse thing she did either. Wonder why that marriage only lasted 4 or 5 years?
 
Sassycakes said:
If I wouldn't be hurting my Son-in-law I would walk away from her in a minute. Just this weekend coming up we will be going to my Grandaughter's dance recital.It's a 2 day event the MIL is already telling us everything we should do. She also refers to my Granddaughter as mine not hers,because she said you always love your daughters children more than your son's. I laughed right in her face when she said that. My son has 2 boys and I love my grandchildren equally.
Click to expand...

Jeez, she sounds tiring. Exhausting. I'm not sure walking away from her when she starts this crap would hurt your SIL. He knows her. He might understand.

Try it, and if there's backlash from him or your daughter, just apologize and tell them you'll try to be patient in the future. If it shuts her up, and the "kids" seem ok with it, then you know you have a usable (if only temporary) escape.

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, Sassy, but people like her seem to live forEVER! My mom is 84, but it feels like 100 years to us...lol!
 
We have a woman who attends our dances who must be a first cousin to your daughters MIL sassy ,she feels the need to check all the women's skirt lengths ,and if you have anything like a bra strap showing and the list go's on. When we first started dancing in 2008 we attended a dance weekend about a hours drive from where we live we took our caravan as it was a three day weekend ..anyway she came marching up to our caravan and proceeded to tell us in no uncertain terms that we would never be as good at dancing as HER ..( We hardly even knew her at the time)
I can understand having to be in her company ..we don't attend local dances anymore as she makes me uncomfortable as she will come right up to me and look me up and down to see if she approves what I'm wearing.
 
I agree with Linda, to say something back, or tell her that her remarks are not appreciated. It seems like everyone is afraid of the MIL and also of offending the son. I also find I can't bite my tongue when someone is making snarky remarks.
 
Kadee46 said:
We have a woman who attends our dances who must be a first cousin to your daughters MIL sassy ,she feels the need to check all the women's skirt lengths ,and if you have anything like a bra strap showing and the list go's on. When we first started dancing in 2008 we attended a dance weekend about a hours drive from where we live we took our caravan as it was a three day weekend ..anyway she came marching up to our caravan and proceeded to tell us in no uncertain terms that we would never be as good at dancing as HER ..( We hardly even knew her at the time)
I can understand having to be in her company ..we don't attend local dances anymore as she makes me uncomfortable as she will come right up to me and look me up and down to see if she approves what I'm wearing.
Click to expand...

She does sound like she is related to the woman from your dances. She finds flaws with everyone but herself.Before my daughter got married she called me to tell me she found a dress for me to wear to the wedding. I said Thanks but I'll pick out my dress. Then she told me I shouldn't give out favors at the wedding. She said why waste the money,that we should just put cards on the table saying that"In lieu of favors we were donating money to the Children's Hospital " where my daughter worked. 1st of all I was paying for the wedding,2nd I didn't care for the word "lieu",and 3rd my daughter was donating her life to caring for the children.Of course I didn't listen to her. She also sent her daughter to my house the morning of the wedding. I was surprised to see her,but I later found out from a friend ,that she made the daughter come over to make sure my daughter didn't look ugly. Do you think my daughter looked ugly?
10400629_1028198950842_7475_n.jpg
 
That woman sounds like a real piece of work Sassycakes. Your daughter looks absolutely beautiful, you must have been so proud!
 
Kadee46 said:
We have a woman who attends our dances who must be a first cousin to your daughters MIL sassy ,she feels the need to check all the women's skirt lengths ,and if you have anything like a bra strap showing and the list go's on. When we first started dancing in 2008 we attended a dance weekend about a hours drive from where we live we took our caravan as it was a three day weekend ..anyway she came marching up to our caravan and proceeded to tell us in no uncertain terms that we would never be as good at dancing as HER ..( We hardly even knew her at the time)
I can understand having to be in her company ..we don't attend local dances anymore as she makes me uncomfortable as she will come right up to me and look me up and down to see if she approves what I'm wearing.
Click to expand...
Kadee46, I would be so tempted to show up wearing a real short skirt and maybe even no bra just to aggravate that ol hussy. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top